What is Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Ok."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables.

He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheeps."

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"

The shepherd says, "You are an auditor." "How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business. Now can I have my DOG back?"

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Snake Bite!

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says.

He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little x where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.

"He says you're gonna die."

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The same old story!

An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth.

He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: "May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college."

A young man opened the door and let him in. The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.

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Salary Hike!

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

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Boss is Always Right!

Boss: There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee: That's easy, 49.

Boss: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.

Boss: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Boss: It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Boss: Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee: Ere.... I guess she drowned.... errr...

Boss: No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job.... You may leave now!

Moral: No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared. If your Boss has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.

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Which Gender is More Happy?

Boys are always Happy Creatures... WHY?

1. Their last name stays with them forever.

2. Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat.

3. A five day vacation requires only one jeans.

4. If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend.

5. The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades.

6. They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes.

7. They don't freak out when they go to a party and see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies...

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Who Needs to Laugh?

The CEO returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up on Friday.

Everybody, laughed uproariously except on girl.

What's the matter? Grumbled the boss. Haven't you got a sense of humour?

I don't have to laugh, she replied. I'm leaving on Friday.

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