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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says,"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
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Kissing a Wife on her fore head is
respect,
.
.
kissing a Wife on her cheek is
care,
.
.
kissing a Wife on her eyes is care
& love,
.
.
kissing a Wife on her lips is love,
.
.
but kissing a Wife in front of her
Husband?
.

HUD HUD DABANGG DABANGG
DABANGG
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A newly Married Husband saved his Wife's number... on his mobile as...
"My Life"..
After one year of marriage he changed the number to
"My Wife"..
After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to
"Home"..
After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to
"Hitler"..!
! After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to
"Wrong Number"..!
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"Husband Super Store" -women could go to choose a husband from many men

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to theshopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying,"These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
"Hmmm," said the ladies, "But I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting."
But there was another floor so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying"These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely goodlooking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!"
So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are fucking impossible to please.
The exit is to your left; we hope you fall down the stairs."
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स्वर्ग में क्रिकेट है क्या?

संता और बंता काफी सालो से अच्छे दोस्त थे, और अब दोनों की उम्र अब लगभग 90 के आसपास हो चुकी थी।
एक बार संता बहुत बीमार पड़ गया तो बंता उससे रोज मिलने के लिए आता और रोज वे अपने दोस्ती के किस्से दोहराते।
गुज़रते वक़्त के साथ संता और बंता दोनों को ही अब लगभग यकीन हो चला था कि संता अब बस चंद दिनो का ही मेहमान है, तो एक दिन बंता ने संता से कहा, ''देखो जब तुम मर जाओगे, तो क्या मेरे लिए एक काम करोगे?''
संता: कौन सा काम?
क्योंकि संता और बंता दोनों ही क्रिकेट के बहुत दीवाने थे इसीलिए बंता ने संता से कहा,"तुम मरने के बाद क्या मुझे यह बताओगे कि स्वर्ग में क्रिकेट है या नहीं?"
संता: क्यों नहीं जरुर।
और कुछ दिनों के बाद संता भगवान को प्यारा हो गया।
कुछ दिन बाद बंता जब सो रहा होताहै तो संता उसके सपने में आता हैऔर कहता है, ''तुम्हारे लिए मेरे पास दो खबरें है. . .एक बुरी और एकअच्छी।
बंता: तो पहले अच्छी खबर सुनाओ।
संता: अच्छी खबर यह है कि स्वर्गमें क्रिकेट है।
बंता:और बुरी खबर?
संता: बुरी खबर यह है कि तुम्हेंआनेवाले रविवार को होने वाले मैच में बॉलिंग करनी है।
DhurjatiKabiraj.blogspot.com
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Dear Deepika..
U went to Yuvraj, his form dropped.
U went to Ranbir, his movie flopped.
U went to Mallyas, their airline stopped.
Plz join Congress.. & Save India.
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INDIA ka kuch nahi ho sakta..
Yaaro
Kyun ki yaha..
Budhhe DESH chala rahe hai..
aur
Jawan Facebook!!
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Santa Newspaper padh raha tha.
Banta: Koi Nayi khabar hai kya?
Santa: Ye kya U.P. ko 4 hisso meinkar diya jayega.
Banta: Jis Ghar mein Aurat ki chlti hai yahi hota hai.
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Ek Aadmi ne Fish pakdi
ghar aaya to dekha
Na Gas
Na Aata
Na Bijli
Na Oil
admi vapas Fish ko nadi me fek aaya.
Fish chillai Congress Zinadabad.
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Q: Why are pure vegetarian women silent during sex?
A: They are in a state of shock that a piece of MEAT can give so much pleasure.
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For all my 40+ friends:
There's no reason to fear the "Female Menopause"!
It's the Eggs that expire and not the Hen!
.
..
...
Moreover, the Cock still enjoys!
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Although a tongue weighs very little yet very few women are able to control it.
Men have the same problem but with another organ!
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There are two things men really like women to do in hurry.
Dress and Undress.
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1st night:
Wife: Please, not today. Let's celebrate our honeymoon only after we understand each other.
Husband: My 'under' is already 'standing' for you!
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A married man keeps wondering every evening:
Should I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or stay home and fuck what I cannot look at.
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A lady goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burnt his tongue and broke his finger!"
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A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed,and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, "What's the matter?" He says, "Thirty years ago, I couldn't wait to eat it. Now it looks like, it can't wait to eat me."
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A wise man once said you should treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner. Once she stops sucking, change the fucking bag.
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Restaurant Advertisement:
We serve food as HOT as your neighbour's wife;
And beer as COLD as your own!
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A lady was having tremendous pain while trying to deliver a baby.
The husband prayed to God,"Oh Lord, please make the hole loose for the baby and then tight again for the Daddy".
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A man was shaving his beard. His wife was shaving down under.
Hubby: Appraisal meeting with the boss for promotion, have to loo good.
Wife: Same here.
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One day a wife of a hunter found him with his lover. She took a gun and aimed it at her husband's testicles.
Hunter: Stop! Don't do that! It's unfair! You don't give me a chance to save!
Wife: Ok, sway them to and fro.
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Bride's dad hands a note to the groom: Goods delivered are not returnable.
Groom gave another note back to the father: Contract void if the seal is broken.
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I don't resent my son for having a bigger penis than mine. I resent my wife for the fact that it's black.
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A businessman comes homefrom work, and before he can even say anything to his wife, she greets him with a deep, passionate kiss. Then she pulls him into the bedroom, pushes him downon the bed, unzips his fly and shows him a great time.
Afterward, he stares fondly at her, then asks, "All right, what did you do to the car this time?
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A husband and a wife were fighting about their sex life.
The hubby complains, "You never tell me when you are having an orgasm?"
The wife replies, "How can I?
You are never here."
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An older couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says,"Because I want to feel something hard for a change".
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What makes a man happy?

Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports Illustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.
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Your shoe size can tel your age

Grab a calculator and try dis.
Here is how it goes..
1. Take ur shoe size
2. Multiply by 5
3. Add 50
4. Multiply by 20
5. Add 1013
6. Minus d year u were born. you wil get 4 digits. The first 2 is your shoe size and da last 2 is your age.

www.dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com
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Valentine Week's Calendar

• February 7, 2013 : Rose Day
• February 8, 2013 : Propose Day
• February 9, 2013 : Chocolate Day
• February 10, 2013 : Teddy Day
• February 11, 2013 : Promise Day
• February 12, 2013 : Hug Day
• February 13, 2013 : Kiss Day
• February 14, 2013 : Valentine Day

www.dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com
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যদি সিগারেটের নাম '' গু '' হত তাহলে সবাই কি বলত ?

দোকানদারকে কাস্টমারঃ মামা
গোল্ডলিফ গু আছে ?

অনেকদিন পর বন্ধুর
সঙ্গে বন্ধুর
দেখা হলেঃ কিরে দোস্ত তুই গু
খাস ?
আগে না ভালো ছিলি গু
খাওয়া ধরলি কবে ?

গার্লফ্রেন্ড
বয়ফ্রেন্ডকেঃ সেকি কি
তুমি আবার গু খেয়ে আমার
ঠোঁটে কিস করেছ ?

স্ত্রী স্বামীকেঃ হয় গু
খাওয়া ছাড়বে না হয়
আমাকে ! ল্যাও ঠ্যালা...

সন্তান মাকেঃ
বাবা আবার টয়লেটে বসে গু
খাচ্ছে !
চলন্ত বাসে জনৈক
মহিলাঃ উঃ গুয়ের
গন্ধে বমি আসছে !

জনৈক আঁতেলঃ শুনলাম
বাজেটে গুয়ের দাম
বাড়াচ্ছে !

ভাবছি কয়েকশো প্যাকেট গু
কিনে rakhi.

জনৈক মাতালঃ এত গু
দিয়ে কি করবি !
কিছু গুয়ের প্যাকেট আমাকেও দিস
না হলে ড্যাম হয়ে যাবে !
জ্ঞানী গুণীরা কহেন-
সংবিধিবদ্ধ সতর্কীকরণঃ গু
খাওয়া স্বাস্থ্যের জন্য
ক্ষতিকর ! :P

www.dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com
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প্রেমে পড়লে ছেলেদের লাইফ স্টাইল

- নিজের যত্ন নেয়া।
- সিগারেট ছাড়ার চেষ্টা করা।
- গুছিয়ে চলা।

- প্রেয়সীকে পাওয়ার জন্য সৃষ্টিকর্তার কাছে দোয়া করা।
- আগের তুলনায় নম্র হওয়া।

- মিসড কল ব্যাক করা ইত্যাদি

ছ্যাঁকা খাওয়ার পরে বুদ্ধিমান ছেলেরা প্রেমিকার পেছনে যে টাকা খরচ করত সেটা দিয়ে ফলফ্রুট খায়, আর বোকারা সেই টাকা দিয়ে বিড়ি - সিগারেট খায়.

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শিক্ষিকা : লেখো ৫৫।
ছাত্রী : কিভাবে মিস?
শিক্ষিকা : প্রথমে একটা ৫ লেখো তারপর আরেকটা ৫।

ছাত্রী একটা ৫ লিখে থেমে গেল।
শিক্ষিকা : কি হল ?
ছাত্রী : কোনপাশে লিখব বাঁপাশে নাডানপাশে?
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ফেইসবুকীয় কুসংস্কার

1. ফ্রেন্ড রিকোয়েষ্ট পাঠালে মানুষ ছোট হয়ে যায়...
2. মেয়েরা ফ্রেন্ড রিকোয়েষ্ট এক্সেপ্ট করলে ওয়ালে গিয়ে ফরমালিটি রক্ষার্থে Thanks for accepting টাইপের wallpost করতে হয়...
3. কাওকে Follow করা মানে তারFan হয়ে যাওয়া...
4. মেয়েদের স্ট্যাটাসে বেশিবেশি লাইক কমেন্ট করলে মেয়ের নজরে আসা যায় ফলে মেয়েদের BF (বলদ ফ্রেন্ড) হওয়ার সৌভাগ্য অর্জন করা যায়।
5. কেবল বিপরীত লিঙ্গের কারও স্ট্যাটাসে, ফটোতে লেখালেখি করতেহয় নতুবা পুরুষত্ব কিংবা নারীত্বের সমস্যা আছে বলে বিবেচনা হয়
6. বেশী বেশী লাইক কমেন্ট পাওয়া মানেই"বিগখ্যাত" ­ (বড় খ্যাঁত মার্কা) হয়ে যায় ফলেসেলিব্রেটির সংখ্যা বেশী
7. মেয়েদের ফ্রেন্ডরিকোয়েষ্ ­ট পাঠানোর চেয়ে রেপ করাই সহজ...
8. ভাব মেরে কারও ফ্রেন্ড রিকোয়েষ্ট এক্সেপ্ট না করাটাই তারকাগিরির লক্ষন।
9. হ্যাকারদের ভয় পেতে হয় তানা হলে ওরা শয়তানি করবে.পৌত্তলিকরা ­ দুদিন পর হ্যাকার থেকে বাঁচতে"হ্যাকপূজ ­াঁ" এর প্রচলন শুরু করবে...
10. ব্যস্ত না থাকলেও ব্যস্ততার ভান করতে হয়.
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Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside someone's house..

They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.
Man: I want to thank you. I am a genie who was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you both 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 wish for myself.
Tom: I want a billion dollars!
Wife: I want a house in every country of the world. ??
Genie: Done. Done.
Tom : And what is your wish genie?
Genie: Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.
Tom said: Emm Ok! You're gettingus a lot of money. I guess I don't mind. ??
The genie took the wife upstairs and slept with her for two hours.
After it was over he asked her: How old is your husband?
Wife answers: 35.
Genie: Really? And he still believes in genie stories..
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15 Ways to Keep a Relationship Working...♥

1. Love each other ♥
2. Don’t lie ♥
3. Keep communication open ♥
4. Stay sweet ♥
5. When you get hurt, focus on forgiving ♥
6. Never talk about break-ups ♥
7. Never say ‘it’s ok’ when it’s not ♥
8. Learn to put your ego aside ♥
9. If you say ‘sorry,' mean it ♥
10. Don’t compare your past with your present ♥
11. Don’t talk about your ex’s ♥
12. Practice 'give and take' ♥
13. Be aware of your partner’s feelings ♥
14. After a fight, work on resolving the issue right
away; don’t let the days go by ♥
15. Although there is no ‘perfect person’ out there,
There IS a ‘right one’ for u. ♥
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In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is abrain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked,"Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded,"$5,000 for a male brain, and$200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask.
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
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If you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?

A Teacher trying to teach good manners.... then asked his students this Question:
Michael if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom??
Michael:"Just a minute, I have to go pee.."
Teacher: That would be rude &
impolite.. How about you Sam??
Sam said:"I really need to go to the Toilet, i'm sorry.."
Teacher: That's better but still not nice to say the word Toilet..
Oh you Little Johnny?? Can you use your brain??
Little Johnny said:"Darling, May i please be excused for a moment??
I've got to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom i hope
to introduce to you after dinner."
"TEACHER FAINTED!!!"
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One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said..

"Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk withyou. Your mother and I have beenmarried 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool aroundwith women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."
William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so muchharm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained."Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."
His mother just shook her head."Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."
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Bob calls in to his job..

"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you've got a nice house.":)
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