What Indian Advertisements taught us?

1. Kareena has dandruff problem, Katrina has dry hair problem, Shilpa has hairfall problem and Priyanka has chip-chip.
 
2. If you've a hot wife, make sure your neighbor doesn't use a deodorant in your absence.
 
3. Your complexion is more important than your qualifications.
 
4. If there is no salt in your kitchen you can use Toothpaste.
 
5. Every second oral care brand is No. 1 and recommended by every dentist in India!!!
 
6. If your daughter is not Ready to Get married, take her to a jewelry/textile shop.
 
7. Only reason why men use deodorant is to get girls.
 
8. Most colas cure all kinds of phobias. You will be close to a superman, if you drink these regularly!!
 

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13 Funny Meanings of Places in English!

1) Large State "Maha-Rastra"
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2) Place of Kings "Raja-Sthan"
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3) Mr. City "Shri-Nagar"
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4) Rhythm of Eyes "Nayni-Tal"
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5) Face "Surat"
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6) Unmarried Girl. "Kanya-Kumari"
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7) No Zip. "Chen-Nai"
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8) Come in Evening. "Aa-Sam"
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9) Go and Come. "Go-Aa"
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10) Answer State. "Uttar-Pradesh"
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11) Make Juice. "Bana-Ras"
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12) Do Drama. "Kar-Natak"
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13) Green Gate. "Hari-Dwar"
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Amazing India!

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Husband ke Haseen Sapne!

Wife - Janu, Aaj Tumhari Girlfriend Night Stay Karne Aaa Rahi hai !

Maine Fridge mein Beer & fresh Fruit Salad banake rakha hai, Room freshner side table par hai,
 
Nahanay Ka Soap with lime fragrance or towel Bhi rakha hai, Main baccho ko Leker Mummy K 

yaha Jaa Rahi Hoon, Kal Sham Tak Aajaungi, Prog Mein Koi Change Ho To Inform Kar Dena, mein 

Wahin aur Ruk JaunGi...!
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Isko kahate hai
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Ek Husband ke haseen sapne!!!:

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Bechara Bachha!

Bacha: Abu plz mje 5 Rupees dedo. Baap: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apni ammi se lele.
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Bacha: Ami plz mje 5rp dedo.. Ammii: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apne mamu se lele.
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Bacha: Mamu plz mje 5rupy dedo Mamu: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apni mami se lele.
..
Bcha: Mami plz mje 5rp dedo Mami: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apne chacha se lele.
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Bcha: Chacha 5rp hy? Chacha: Ha hy beta du kya?
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Bcha: Nhi apni kabar me lay jana icecream wala chala gya ab...!!

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Hindi commentary on on Sony Max!

Chetan Sharma - Behtarin shot dekhna hoga chakka hai ya chokka aur yeh sidha fielder ke haath main...

Sidhu - oho ho ho...maza aa Gaya kya short h gaganchumbi chakka toofani shot ye bol toh taramandal Mein jaake airhostage ke puppi le ke aa sakti hain
(six distance is jst 76 m)!!

Kapil Dev - dikhiye mujhe lagta hai yahaan se target chase karna muskil toh nahi Bt tough jarur hoga...

Akhtar - durling last 5 over...agar yahaan se ye dono set batsman 5
over or khel jate h toh ye match 2 over pehle jeet jayenge...
 
Rramiz Raja - aur ye utha ke Maara h lamba chhoda unchaa shot bowl hawa Mein bot upar jaa rha h aur ye boundary line pe sidha catch... catch out ho Gaye h Maxwell shot Mein tyming sahi nahi Thi shayad bat aaya nahi bol pe sahi!!
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Rohan Gawaskar - score 24/4...agar yahaan se ek do wicket aur gir jaaye toh phir muskile badh jayengi inke liye...

And d bst one- yaha pr smith ka khada hona boht jaruri hai...!

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Admission Form!

College Clerk: Beta yeh form tumne galat bhar diya hai. Yahaan address nahin naam likhna tha.

Student: Vikas Puri mera naam hi hai jee.

College Clerk: Achcha aur pita ka naam ?

Student: Ji Janak Puri.

College Clerk: Achch Dadaji ka naam ?

Student: Trilok Puri.

College Clerk: Hey Bhagwaan beta jaate jaate apni maaji ka naam bhi bata do.

Student: Maya Puri.

College Clerk: Main yeh sub nahin maanta. Koi aaya he tumhare saath family se tumhari admission ke liye.

Student: Ji mera bara bhai yeh.

College Clerk: Aapka naam ?

Bhai: Govind Puri!

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Height of Sakh!

Pehle Din:

Pati (phone par): Kahak ho?

Patni: Ghar mein hun darling.

Pati: Achcha agar Ghar mein ho to mixi chalao.

Patni mixi chalati hai..... grrrrr grrrrr grrrrr grrrrrr...

Pati: Achcha theek hai.

Dusre Din

Pati: Kahan ho?

Patni: Ghar pe hi hun darling.

Pati: Achcha agar Ghar mein ho to mixi chalao.

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Pyar Ka Bhoot!

Ek din khuda ne mujhse kaha: "Mat kar intezar is janam mein uska, Milna mushkil hai.
Maine bhi keh diya: "Lene de maza intezar ka, agle janam mein to mumkin hai."

Phir khuda ne kaha: "Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtayega."
Muskura ke maine kaha: "Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe tadpayega."

Phir khuda ne kaha: "Bhool ja use, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata hu." Maine kaha: "Aa neeche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulvata hu.

Gusse mein khuda ne kaha: "Mat bhool apni aukaat tu to ek insaan hai." Haas kar Maine kaha: "Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi Bhagwan hai."

Phir khuda ne guuse mein uski mujhse shadi kara di. Sab bhoot utar gaya.

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Naughty Bachha!

Pappu: Papa Aunty ka pet itna kyun foola hua hai ?

Santa: I know ki, tu sab Jan ta hai, badmaash.

Pappu: Nahin papa, I don't know.

Santa: Chal, Chal, jhooth mat bol.

Pappu: Trust me dad, pease batao na, please, please, please...

Pappu: Wo, yaar... aunty ke pet mein paani bhara hua hai.

Pappu: Oh!... Achcha!!! Phir toh bachcha doob jayega...

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Baba ji ka Taweez!

Aurat: Baba ji, mera shohar ghar aatey hi mujhe maarna peetna shuru kar dete hain.

Baba ek taweez nikaal ke us aurat ko deta hai aur kehta hai: Woh jaise hi ghar aaye toh tum ye TAWEEZ apne daant ke neechey dabaa lena.

After 5 days...

Aurat: Baba Ji kamaal ho gaya. Taweez daant ke neechey dabane ka itna phayda hua ke ab woh mujhe kuch nahi kehte.

Baba: Ye phayda Taweez ka nahi, balki apni Zubaan band rakhne ka Hai..

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Kanchoos Lovers!

A kanjoos boy fell in LOVE with a kanjoos Girl

Girl: Jab Dad so jayenge to main gali mein ek SIKKA phenk dungi, tum turrant andar aa jana.

Lekin ladka sikka phenne ke ek ghante baad aaya aur kuch pareshaan bhi tha.

Girl: Itni der kyo laga di?

Boy: Wo main sikka DHOOND raha tha.

Girl: Pagal wo tho 'DHAAGA BAANDH' ke phenka tha, tabhi waapas kheench liya tha...

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Teen Sawal!

Ek naujawan ne ek buzurg se pucha:

Jab duniya ek din fanah ho jani hai toh log is ke peche kyun bhaagte hain?
Paisa duniya mein reh jayega toh log is ke peeche zindagi kyun lutaate hain?
Cheezon ko hasil karne ke liye doston ko dushmn kyun samajhte hain?

Buzurg ne teeno sawalon ko bade gaur se suna. Phir unhone jaib se ek machis ki dabbi nikali, usmein se 3 teeliyan uthayi, phir 2 teeliyan wapis rakh diya, aur 1 teeli ko tor ke us k 2 hisse kar diye, aur agla hissa phenk diya pichley hisse ko thora sa nokdaar banaya or munh ke qareeb laa ke danton mein phasa hua khana nikalne lage aur bole: Mujhe kya pata...?

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3 idiots Facebook version!

Aamir: Smiling...

Teacher: Aap muskura kyon rahe ho?

Aamir: Bahut dino se FB page ka admin banne ki ichcha thi aaj ban gaya hun, bahut maza aa raha hai.

Teacher: Jyada maze lene ki zarurat nahi hai. Ok tell me what is a post?

Aamir: Anything that is posted on facebook is a post sir.
Teacher: Can you please elaborate?

Aamir: Sir, jo bhi facebook pe log daalte hain wo post hai sir... ghumne gaye, uski photo daal diya!!! Post hai sir. Sir actually hum post se ghire hue hain!!! Katrina ki pic se Ronaldo ki kick tak!!! Sab post hai sir!!! Ek second mein comment, ek second mein like!!! Comment-Like, Comment-like....

Teacher: Shut up! ADMIN banke ye karoge??? Comment-like, comment-like. Chatur tum batao?

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Chamatkari Baba!

Ek baba kisi mehfil mein gaye toh sab logon ne un ka mazaaq udaana shuru kar dia.

Baba ne kaha: Dekho hum faqeer log hote hain. Hamara mazaaq mat udaao.

Log khoob hansay. Achanak un sab ko nazar aana band ho gaya. Sab ko laga ki Baba ne un ko andhey hon shraap de diya.

Phir toh sab Baba ke saamne jhuk gaye aur kehne lage: Baba ji, hamein maaf kar do, ham se bhool ho gayi. Baba ne apna ek joota utara aur sab ko ek ek maara aur kaha: Kameeno !!! Light chali gayi hai. Koi jaa ke generator chalao, mujhe khud nazar nahin aa raha...

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Effect of Daru!

Daru ki vajah se barbaad hue ek sharabi ne kasam li aur ghar se daru ki khali bottles phainkne laga...

1st bottle phainkte hue bola: Teri vajah se meri naukri gayi...

2nd bottle phainkte hue bola: Teri vajah se mera ghar bik gaya...

3rd phainkte hue bola: Teri vajah se meri biwi chali gayi...

Jab usne 4th bottle uthaai toh woh bhari hui nikli. Sharaabi us bottle ko utha ke bola: Tu side mein hoja pagli, tu to bekasur hai....

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Aaisa Hona Chahiye Collection

Ladka Handsome hona chahiye,
Smart to Phone bhi hote hain.

Phone to iPhone hona chahiye,
S1, S2, S3 to Train ke Dibbe bhi hote hain.

Insaan ka dil Bada hona chahiye,
Chhota to Bheem bhi hai.

Aadmi ko Samjhdar hona chahiye,
Sensitive to Toothpaste bhi hota hai.

Teacher jyada Number dene wala hona chahiye,
Andaa to Murgi bhi deti hai.

Yuva Rashtrawadi Hone chahiye,
Cool to Navratna Oil bhi hai.

Rashtrapati Kalaam Hona Chahiye,
Mukherjee to Rani bhi hai.
v Bathroom mein Hair Dryer Hona chahiye,
Towel to Sreesanth ke paas bhi hai.

Ladki mein Akal honi chahiye,
Surat to Gujrat mein bhi hai.

Mobile General mode par hona chahiye,
Silent to Manmohan Singh bhi hain.

Seb meetha hona chahiye,
Lal to Advani bhi hain.

Ladka Dravid jaisa hone chahiye,
Rahul to Gandhi bhi hai.

Ghumna to Hill Station par chahiye,
Goa to Pan masala bhi hai.

Reply dhang ka hona chahiye,
'Hmmmmmmm.' to bhains bhi kar leti hai.

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Literate Dog!

A young boy from Pune goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money he calls home.

"Pita ji," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad (IIMA) that will teach our dog, Moti, how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his father says. "How do I get Moti in that program?"

"Just send him down here with Rs. 1,00,000" the young boy says "and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and Rs. 1,00,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Moti doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Pita ji, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

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How to kill a Lion?

Vodafone Method:
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectation, never ask him to do any hard work for 3 months. After 3 months tell him that now you have to fulfill your yearly target within 9 months. Otherwise you will be kicked out from the jungle. Lion dies due to fear, that if he loses this "lazy animals jungle", where will he go.

Reliance Method:
Hire a lion. Give him hell lot of work and pay him fat salary more than industry. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, location every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.

Tata Method:
Hire a lion and give him the post of a cat, ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.

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How to Make a Man/Women Happy?

How to Make a man happy:
1. Feed him.
2. Sleep with him.
3. Leave him with peace.
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs).
5. Don't bother him with his movements.
So whats so hard about that?

How to make a woman happy:
It's really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needsto be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef.
8. An electrician.
9. A plumber.
10. A mechanic.
11. A carpenter.
12. A decorator.
13. A stylist.
14. A sexologist.

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New Courses available for Men & Women!

Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

Topic 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

Topic 5. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

Topic 6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging.

Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.

Topic 8. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

Topic 9. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have.

Topic 10. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both.

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