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Showing posts with label Naughty Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Naughty Jokes. Show all posts

Naughty Pappu!

Teacher Board pe likh rahi thi, Achanak
 

Pappu - Madam Aapka Whisper niche gir gaya.

Teacher ne Ghabra ke niche dekha aur Bittu ko Zor Se


Thappad Mara aur kaha- Randibaaz, ise DUSTER kehte hai.. !!
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High Expectations!

Medical College Professor to a Girl Student: 

Which human body part expands 5 times its normal size?

Girl Student: Sir I cant answer this question, it's too embarassing..

Professor asked the same question to a Male Student:

Male Student: It's the Pupil of a human eye
Professor: correct

Then Professor turned to the female student & said,
listen baby, Not only your thinking is wrong but your expectations are also very high...!
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Master Key!

Ladki apne Boyfrnd se - Maine 4 Boys se Sex kiya, to me Randi...
Aur tumne 10 Ladkiyo ko kiya, to tum Jawan Mard...
Aisa kyo....?? Bolo....

Boy - Suno...

Jo 'Taala' bahut Chabiyo se khule,
wo kharab "Taala"

...Lekin,

Jis "Chabi" se bahut sare Taale khule,
wo

"Master Key" kahlati hai...
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4 Types of Sex in a Marriage

1.Kitchen Sex:
This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, in the
kitchen.
 

 2.Bedroom Sex:
You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
 

3.Halfway Sex:
This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you."
 

4.Courtroom Sex:
This is when you get divorced and your wife fucks you in front of everyone in court.
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Kamina Doctor!

Badi Dukhi Si Halat Mein Ek Marij Doctor Ke Pass Gaya.
 

Marij: “Doctor Sahab, Mera Khada Nahi Hota”
 

Doctor Ne Apni Ek Sunder Si Nurse Ko Bola.
 

Doctor: “Nurse Idhar Aao, Apni Bra Utaro”
 

Doctor Ne Fir Marij Se Puchha: “Ab Use Dekho, Khada Hua?”
 

Marij: “No”
 

Doctor: “Nurse, Apni Panty Utaro”
 

Doctor: “Ab?”
 

Marij: “No”
 

Doctor: “Chal Ab Tu Bahar Ja Bhncho Mera Khada Ho Gaya Ab.
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Aam Admi's Aam Underwear!

Latest News: Arvind Kejriwal has stopped wearing his underwears bcoz...

He can't wear VIP underwears as they have VIP written on them.

He can't wear Rupa since people would say he always keeps Rupa around his private parts, and in Delhi that's a dangerous thing to do.

Or Jockey as horse riding is a rich man's pastime.

He can't wear Macroman since he is a common man.

He can't wear Dixcy since he does not want people to see his d***

And he can't go commando since he has refused security.

So now all he needs is cover his private parts with mango leaves to prove that he is a "aam" admi and his protection is the aam.
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Why we should read Law?

A lawyer came home after having sex in his car. Girl forgot her bra and panty in car.

The wife found them, tore them up and shouted: You dirty Man..... you have been screwing ur secretary.

Without blinking an eyelid, lawyer shouted back: You have just destroyed the only evidence of a high profile rape case I have been working on. You can now forget about diamond necklace you were asking for.

Wife fell on her knees, crying & trying 2 repair the torn pieces & lawyer walked away wid a smile...

Moral: Start studying LAW.
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Sher Ka Pinjra!

Sunday Bazar mein ek aadmi aawaz lagate hue:

'Sher ka pinjra' 10 rupay mein!
'Sher ka pinjra' 10 rupay mein!
Ek aurat ne paas ja kar dekha, aur phir ek dum se waapis aa gayi.

Doosri ne pucha: Kya hua?

Pehli wali kehne lagi: Kameena 'KACHHEY' bech rha hai.
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Santa Ki Suhagrat!

Santa ki suhagrat pe light chali gayi...!

Santa apne naukar se bola: Tu lalten pakad, main SEX karta hoon...

Naukar ne lalten pakdi aur Santa SEX karne laga..!

Sex karne ke baad Santa ne biwi se pucha: Maza aaya?

Biwi: Nahin...

Santa ne phir se koshish ki aur phir biwi se pucha: Ab Maza Aaya?

Biwi: Nahin.

Santa naukar ko bola: Yeh lalten mujhe de, main pakadta hoon... tum SEX karo...

Naukar shuru ho gaya...

Jab kaam khatam hua toh Santa ne Biwi se pucha: Ab maza aaya??

Biwi Boli: Haan bahut maza aaya.

Santa naukar ko thappad mar ke bola: Dekha Chutiye.... aise pakadte hain lalten.!
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What's a Condom ?

Science Teacher to a girl: CONDOM ka full form batao?

Ek Intellegent ladki ne jawab diya:

C - Catching
O - On
N - Natural
D - Drops
O - Of
M - Man's Leakage.
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Homo Kids!

Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.

Dad: Whats that?

Daughter: I'm a lesbian.

Dad: Okay.

Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him.

Second Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.

Dad: What's that?

Second Daughter: I'm a lesbian.

Dad: Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?

Son: I do!!!!
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First Time Experiance!

A wealthy socialite had a night out on the town with her friends. She awoke the next morning, totally naked and with a monster of a hang-over. So she rang for the butler and asked for a cup of strong black coffee.

"Geeves" she said, "I can't remember a thing about last night. How did I get to bed?"

"Well Madam, I carried you upstairs and put you to bed."

"But my dress?"

"It seemed a pity to crumple it, so I took it off and hung it up."

"But what about my underwear?"

"I thought the elastic might stop the circulation, so I took the liberty of removing them."

"What a night!" she said. "I must have been tight!"

"Only the first time, Madam."
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Weeding Night`s Trial

During sex, the girlfriend started screaming, throwing hands and crying.

Boyfriend: What are you doing? This is not the first time we are doing it.

Girlfriend don't bother, you keep on doing......, I'm practicing for my wedding night. It's approaching fast.
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Do you hate porn movies?

I don't know why people Hate Porn Movies ?

Although it is the most Positive Movie but there's...
No Murder;
No War;
No Fight;
No Cheating;
Everybody enjoys the Climax;
Lots of Love and always a very Happy Ending for all Charcters.



AND the Best part - There is no story, so you can watch any part you like..!!!
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Nipple Business!

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud 'hiss-pop' noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-Pop' noise.

"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
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Adam`s Headache!

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"
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Importance of Bra!

Never under estimate the Importance of the BRA..

Q: Striped BRA?
A: zeBRA

Q: Poisonous BRA?
A: coBRA

Q: Mathematical BRA?
A: algeBRA

Q: Sunsign BRA?
A: liBRA

Q: Magical BRA?
A: aaBRA ka daBRA

Q: Religious BRA?
A: BRA hmin!

Q: Metallic BRA?
A: BRAss

Q: Anjelina Jolie's BRA?
A: BRAd pit...

Q: Botany BRA?
A: BRAnch

Q: Marketing BRA?
A: BRAnd!

Q: punctuation BRA?
A: BRAcket

Q: Scary BRA?
A: GhaBRAahat!!!!

Q: Room full of BRA's?
A: LiBRAry

Q: alchohlic BRA?
A: BRAndy.

Q: Surname BRA?
A: ChhaBRA

Q: Country BRA?
A: BRAzil

Q: BRA which became the American President and inspired the whole world A: aBRAham Lincoln!

AND YOU THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA !!! How "BRAinless"

And Here's another important and interesting thing about BRA...
It's not: Sabbra Ka Fal Meetha Hota Hai.
It's "Sab" "Bra" "Ka" ''Fal'' meetha hota hai.
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Proud to be a Boy!

Pappu: You know a single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation of about 6 million sperm represents a data transfer of 1,587.5 TB in about 3 seconds.

Bunty: Amazing.

Pappu: Yep. And you thought nothing was faster than Google. I am really proud to be a boy. Great talent and great energy!
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Gentle Pappu!

Pappu was dating with his new girlfriend in hotel room.

Girl Friend: `I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table.`

Pappu climbs into bed slowly and says: `Honey, would you pass the boobs please?`
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Why lovemaking is so enjoyable?

Pappu: Why's making love so enjoyable?
Santa: It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger!!

Pappu: Why do women enjoy more sex than men?
Santa: It's because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

Pappu: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
Santa: It is like when you are walking down the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it?

Pappu: Why women cant have sex when they are having their periods?
Santa: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it?

Pappu: Why men dont like to wear condoms when they are making love?
Santa: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?

Pappu: Why is making love carried out in private?
Santa: Will you dig your nose in front of your class? Idiot!!!
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