You have been in a long-term relationship and have finally decided to
tie the knot. You know everything about your boyfriend, his likes,
dislikes, habits and lifestyle. So, you are prepared for a life together
sans any surprises for sure. Well, think again! 'Love marriages do not
have an element of surprise' is a myth. Ask around and couples who got
married after a long relationship will affirm. You might not expect but
there are several things you might not be aware of and discover only
after your boyfriend becomes your husband. Well, read on to know about
certain changes and surprises that you should keep yourself prepared for
after getting into a love marriage.
However, don’t get shaken. The discoveries may not always be extreme and shocking. “It was only after my marriage that I realised how responsible he is as a person. Before we got married, he was a person who wasn’t bothered about finances, spent without thinking and kept losing his credit card, driving license, etc. Now, I am pleased to see him taking responsibilities of everything. He helps me with the daily chores and also cooks dinner for me occasionally,” tells Vidushi, who married Yuvraj Singh after two years of a long-distance relationship.
While most people hope that the person they get married to will not change after marriage, some might even secretly hope that they do change. As was the case with Nidhi Sahai Khanna, who expected certain things from her hubby after their marriage, but soon realised otherwise. Nidhi says, “I grew up watching my dad making the morning tea for my mother. Both would then sit in the balcony and engage in conversations. I’m a morning person, but I was fully aware before marriage that Abhishek (my husband) never wakes up early. I cribbed initially, but understood soon enough that it wasn’t fair to expect that from him.”
If you don’t expect him to change the things you like about him, accept the ones you dislike too. Of course, that is easier said than done. Nidhi still quips, “I hope when we are old in our 50s, he will wake up early and will make tea for me that we will enjoy together.”
Just like you, even your man has other relations in his life, so respect them as well as him. Your hubby has his own individual identity and likings and relations. As long as they are not absolutely worth changing respect him for just as he is. After all, this is the man you fell in love with.
Others may however, tell you to enjoy the together time. “Focus first on similarities between you two and then the differences. For both of us, we don't think of anything other than non-vegetarian food, travelling and seeing places together. Yet there are differences which we try to adapt to,” says Vidushi Singh.
It might have its ups and downs, but marrying the one you love is an extraordinary feeling. Hope that feeling stays with you forever!
Some surprises, some shocks
Take for instance the case of Anisha and Vaibhav (names changed). Both met and dated for two years in the US where they were studying. After marriage when they shifted back to India, she saw a very different side of her lover. “He turned out to be a complete mamma’s boy in front of his extremely possessive mother. The independent Vaibhav I knew in the US had either completely changed or had hidden this side of his personality really well,” says Anisha.However, don’t get shaken. The discoveries may not always be extreme and shocking. “It was only after my marriage that I realised how responsible he is as a person. Before we got married, he was a person who wasn’t bothered about finances, spent without thinking and kept losing his credit card, driving license, etc. Now, I am pleased to see him taking responsibilities of everything. He helps me with the daily chores and also cooks dinner for me occasionally,” tells Vidushi, who married Yuvraj Singh after two years of a long-distance relationship.
Don’t expect; just accept!
According to Ruochikka Mazumdar Pati, “Love is love, marriage is marriage. Spending few hours with a person is one thing, but living under the same roof is another.”While most people hope that the person they get married to will not change after marriage, some might even secretly hope that they do change. As was the case with Nidhi Sahai Khanna, who expected certain things from her hubby after their marriage, but soon realised otherwise. Nidhi says, “I grew up watching my dad making the morning tea for my mother. Both would then sit in the balcony and engage in conversations. I’m a morning person, but I was fully aware before marriage that Abhishek (my husband) never wakes up early. I cribbed initially, but understood soon enough that it wasn’t fair to expect that from him.”
If you don’t expect him to change the things you like about him, accept the ones you dislike too. Of course, that is easier said than done. Nidhi still quips, “I hope when we are old in our 50s, he will wake up early and will make tea for me that we will enjoy together.”
Respect the individuality of your partner
He might be a doting boyfriend and a caring husband, but his personality might have other facets too. Because you did not see them before, doesn’t mean he has changed now. Anisha, for instance, had trouble seeing Vaibhav as a submissive son. But, it doesn’t mean that he has suddenly changed into one.
Just like you, even your man has other relations in his life, so respect them as well as him. Your hubby has his own individual identity and likings and relations. As long as they are not absolutely worth changing respect him for just as he is. After all, this is the man you fell in love with.
Words of advice
So, what are the suggestions these “wives” would like to give to the other girls who are soon going to tie the knot? “Well, firstly congratulations, if your boyfriend has agreed to marry you!” giggles Nidhi. “Kidding. But remember just because you share a roof doesn’t meet you have sit together all the time,” she adds. Ruochikka agrees and adds, “Everyone needs to spend some time alone. Giving space and freedom and letting your partner do some things as per his or her will bring peace.”
Others may however, tell you to enjoy the together time. “Focus first on similarities between you two and then the differences. For both of us, we don't think of anything other than non-vegetarian food, travelling and seeing places together. Yet there are differences which we try to adapt to,” says Vidushi Singh.
It might have its ups and downs, but marrying the one you love is an extraordinary feeling. Hope that feeling stays with you forever!
