Fun Inventors

Obsessed Husband

sharmila : My hubby is so obsessed for sex, I'm afraid changing clothes in front of him.

Urmila : That's nothing, mine is so obsessed, I can't even yawn in front of him

Genius Plugged in

Naughty Jokes, Naughty SMS

Husband Asked His Wife While Doing Sex

Husband: “Honey, Why Do I Get All My Great Ideas In Bed Only?”

Smart Wife: “Because You’re Plugged Into A Genius“:s

Wajud na jiska wo hasti kis kaam ki

Naughty Shayri

Arz kiya hai,

Wajud na jiska wo hasti kis kaam ki,

Jaha dil na lage wo basti kis kaam ki,

Tu musibat me ho aur me waha aake

sabke lavde na laaga du

to Benchod apni ye dosti kis kaam ki....!!

Automatic Dictionary

Naughty, Naughty Jokes, Relationship

Bf texting to his Gf... Hey baby..what's up.?

Gf- Nothing much just washing my BOOBS
Bf- What.!

Gf- Yeah. They have become very dirty. In last night party your friends were all over them most of the time ..

Bf- What the hell.. really?

Gf- Why..??? Ohhhh fuck..
Sorry baby!!!! I
meant BOOTS ... Damn this Automatic dictionary is on!!!!

An Apple a Day

Naughty SMS

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

But if the nurse is cute

Apple ki maa ki chut !!

No Seedhi Baat, Only bakwass

Jokes, Relationship

Ek Din Bhagwaan Ne Ek Aashiq Se Puchha:-

Bhagwaan: Maine Ladkiyon Ko Itna Sundar Banaya Hai,
Fir Bhi Koi Kami Ho To Batao??
.
.
.
.
.
.
Aashiq Haath Jodte Hue Fariyad Karta Hua Bola:-
Aashiq:- Bas Usmein Password System Kar Do,
.
.
Taaki Jiska Ho Wahi Khol Sake?

Rememeber That Feeling

Goti Speaks

Naughty SMS

"Education Without K.T. is Like a Man Without Goti ....!!!"

-William Bhenchod

Aapke niche 2 goti hai to aap purush hai,
Agar apke niche 4 goti hai to ye mat sochna aap mahapurush hai,
Samajhna Apki koi gand mar raha hai.

-William Gotiwala 😎

Men will be Men

English Jokes, Naughty Jokes

An MBA was getting married...

3 young ladies offrd to marry him. He hd to make a choice, so he tested dem by givng 50k each to spend.

1 bought new dresses n said she wantd to luk gud 4 him.

The 2nd got him few shirts & ties n perfumes n said she wantd him to luk gud.

The 3rd investd d money in shares. Got profit & returned him original amt, sayin dat she saved d rest for their future.

Finally he decided 2 marry d lady who had biggest boobs!!

BFCD

Jokes, Naughty Jokes, Pappu Jokes(Hindi)

3rd Class Mein Teacher Ne Pappu Ko Bola

Teacher: “ABCD Likho”

Pappu Ne Likh Di

A E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher Ne Pada Aur Hairani Se Boli: “Arey Isme BFCD Kaha Hai?”

Pappu Muskurate Hue Bola: “Mam Mere Bag Mein Hai, Aapko Dekhni Hai To Bata Dena.“

Unki ek Muskurahat Pe

Naughty, Naughty Shayri

Arz kiya hai....

Unki ek Muskurahat Pe hum Unse sex kar bethe...

Zara gaur farmaye,

Unki ek muskurahat pe hum Unse sex kar bethe...

Hum chaddi Pehenne hi waale the Ki,

Wo phir se Muskura baithe

Naughty Thought

The duck looks calm on water but under there is restless paddling

Moral: Aadmi upar se kitna bhi sharif ho neeche se uska saamaan hilta hi rehta hai.

Naughty Thought

The duck looks calm on water but under there is restless paddling

Moral: Aadmi upar se kitna bhi sharif ho neeche se uska saamaan hilta hi rehta hai.

Mabelline Condoms

Mabelline mascara makes eyelashes look 3 times bigger,
.
.
Mabelline should make condoms!

Smart Kid

English Jokes, Jokes, Naughty Jokes

Little Boy kills a butterfly,
Dad says no butter for two weeks!:-|
Little Boy kills a honeybee,
Dad says no honey for two weeks!:(
Mom kills a cockroach, Little Boy turns to Dad and says, 'Are you gonna tell her or shall I?

Magic Number

Mahi - a special Gift to Indian Cricket

Cricket

In 2011 fulfilling his world cup dream as a captain

In 2002 , feeling shy to speak with sachin tendulkar , 2011 hugging him with joy to welcome the world cup

In his young age , Asking his dad to wake up to watch Sachin's batting , playing with him in the field

Coming from a poor village and poor family and now the richest sportsman of india

Seeing sachin tendulkar lifting thetropy only in tv , now giving the winning trophy to Sachin Tendulkar

Being recommended as a captain by the god of cricket is the best of all achievement

Sachin tendulkar and Ms Dhoni the two best inspiration for youngsters

Mahela

Cricket Funny Pictures, Funny Pictures, IPL Funny Pictures

Katrina`s "Saans Me Teri''- original Scene

Generation Gap

Photos

Before and after Election

No Seat? Don`t worry !

Is not it a joke

Cricket Funny Pictures, Funny Pictures, IPL Funny Pictures

Smart way of Earning

Smart Patient

Cartoons, Funny Pictures

Without internet

Evolution

Miscellaneous, Photos

Salam Namaste

Photos, Thought

Thanda Pani

Photos, Thought

Profession or Game

Funny Pictures, Thought

Marks dene wali Teacher

Angry Birds

Captain Dhoni

Thought

Smart Ladka

Ladka Smart hona chaiye Cool toh Navaratan Tel Bhi Hai

Bowling me Variation honi chahiye Speed to Petrol bhi hai

Small Kid

Funny Pictures, Naughty

Joke Of The Year

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag Fcat #3

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag Fact #2

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag Fact

Kavi Kavi Pagalpanti Bhi Jaruri Hai

Naughty, Photos

21st Century Menu

Miscellaneous, Photos

Photography

Creative Photos

Wellcome

Creative Photos, Photos

Abstract Art

Creative Photos, Photos

Upbas

Funny Pictures, Naughty

Hello "BHOSADIKE"

Miscellaneous, Naughty

Don't get angry. It may surprise you to know that the origin of the phrase "Bhosadike" is, in fact, an ancient Sanskrit greeting, "Bho sad ike?" meaning, "Sir, are you well?"

'Bho' is a term used for respectful greeting, similar to 'Aho!'.
Brahmins will know it since it is also used in the abhivadaye.

'Sad' is a prefix used for 'good things', as in sadguru, sadiccha etc.

'Ika' is a atmanepadi verb meaning 'to be'.

Other forms of this are:
- 'Ike ikaavahe ikaamahe'
- 'Ikase ikethe ikadhve'
- 'Ikate ikete ikante'

Hence "Bhosadike" was a popular form of greeting in ancient India, before the Mughals invaded India and prohibited it for some reason.

However some steadfast Indians continued to use this greeting. Therefore, to assassinate this greeting morally, the Mughals gave it profane and vulgar connotations, which unfortunately prevail even to this day.

It is time we revived our ancient Indian traditions heeding to the call of the purists to go back to our ancient way of life.

So say "BHOSADIKE" to all the people you meet and explain to them its true, pure meaning. This is the reason why I call people by this name :-D

Miss You

You are in my mind;
You are in my thoughts;
You are in my breath;
You are in my feelings;
You are in my dreams;
You are in my prayer;
Because you are my life.
I miss you!

I'll never stop missing you!

Earth may stop rotating;
Birds may stop flying;
Candles may stop melting;
Fish may stop swimming;
Heart may stop beating;
But I'll never stop missing you!

Every text is a sign of remembrance!

Every tear is a smile of brokenness;
Every silence is a sign of loneliness;
Every smile is a sign if kindness;
And every text is a sign of remembrance!

I miss you at all times!

Out of the 24 hours of the Day.
10 hours are for working;
8 hours for sleeping;
1 hour for eating;
1 hour for exercise;
And 4 hours for other activities.
But all the 24 hours, I miss you at all times!

"Someone remembers you"!

There's no special reason for sending you this message. I just wanna steal a single moment out of your busy life and hope I can make you smile and say - "Someone remembers you"!

Missing you and remembering you!!

Remember to remember me and forget to forget me. But if you try to remember to forget me, I'll never forget to remember to remind you to remember me!
Missing you and remembering you!!

I always Miss You

In the flowers, my Rose is you;
In the diamonds, my Kohinoor is you;
In the sky, my Moon is you;
In my body, my Heart is you;
That's why I always miss you!

Thinking of you keeps me awake

Thinking of you keeps me awake;
Dreaming of you keeps me asleep;
And being with you keeps me alive.
Missing you!

I miss you all the time!

I miss you.
Every Moment. Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. Every Week. Every Month. Every Year. Every Decade.
Every Centenary. Oh ho! I think I got carried away.
The truth is I miss you all the time!

How to stop missing you!

I have learnt:
How to love, kiss and care for you;
How to be happy, wise and contented;
How to be strong, honest and faithful;
How to forgive, forget and make up;
But I could never learn as to how to stop missing you!

Miss You

Tears don't come when you miss a person but they come when you don't want to miss a person!
Miss you, my love!

I gonna Miss you

I gonna write "I MISS U" on all the bricks and I really wish that one of them falls on your head so that you may know how it hurts when you miss someone special like you!

Someone whisper your name

I heard someone whisper your name, but when I turned around to see who it was, I noticed I was alone.
Then I realized, it was my heart telling me that I miss you!

Miss you always

I know messaging work both ways;
But I just feel better when YOU text ME F.I.R.S.T.
Anyways miss you always!

Missing You !!

I am neither that sweet that you get diabetes;
Nor am I that salty that you get High BP;
I am even not that tasty that you get joy;
But I am not that sour even that you don't even remember me.
Missing you babe!

I miss you

I miss talking till 3 a.m. about our hopes and dreams;
I miss the way you tilted up my chin when you kissed me.
Miss you, my sweety pie!

I miss You

Knowing a person like you has made me happy in a million ways.
And if ever I have to let you go, I would find a million reasons to make you stay.
I miss you!

If I never met you...

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you.
If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you.
But I did, I do, and I will.

Ae Khuda...

Ae Khuda, Khushi Har Pal Unke Paas Rakhna;
Mere Apno Ko Tu Kabhi Na Udaas Rakhna;
Gum Na Aye Unke Paas, Mere Moula;
Tu Nazar-e-Karam Unpe Khaas Rakhna!

Khuda Humko Kabhi Aissi Judai Na De...

Khuda Humko Kabhi Aissi Judai Na De;
Unki Yaadon Se Humko Rihai Na De;
Dua Karna Dosto, Mujhe Aisi Jannat Na Mile;
Jahan Se Mera Yaar Mujhe Dikhai Na De!

Aarzoo Ke Diye Dil Mein Jalte Rahnege...

Aarzoo Ke Diye Dil Mein Jalte Rahnege;
Meri Aankhon Se Ansoo Nikalte Rahenge;
Dil Mein Roshni Toh Karo, Tum Shama Ban Ke;
Mom Bankar Hum Yunhi Pighalte Rahenge!

Chahenge Tujhe Heer Ki Tarha...

Hum Bhi Chahenge Tujhe Heer Ki Tarha;
Rab Se Maangenge Tujhe Kissi Fakeer Ki Tarha;
Rang Naa Laayi Aggar Hamaari Ye Duayen;
To Phir Hum Reh Jaayenge Be-rang Kisi Tasveer Ki Tarha!

Wo Sapna

Shayri

Ruthi Hui Aankhon Mein Intezar Hota Hai;
Na Chahte Hue Bhi Pyaar Hota Hai;
Kyun Dekhte Hain Hum Wo Sapne;
Jinke Tutne Par Bhi Unke Sach Hone Ka Intezar Hota Hai!

Santa`s Dream

Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?

Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

Santa: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Santa: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Santa: It said "Pull"

Santa`s married life

Santa is talking to Banta about married life.

"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."

Banta says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later Santa has to go out of town on a business tour. Before he goes, he gets together with Banta.

"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."

Banta agrees to help out, and Santa leaves.

Two weeks later he comes back and meets Banta, "So did anything happen?"

"I have some bad news for you," says Banta.

"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt and then.... they turned off the light."

"Then what happened?" says Santa.

"I don't know. It was too dark to see."

"Damn, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."

Mission Suicide

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?

Boss: Wait for more.

Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

Santa`s Final Exam

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of "Yes/No" type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on.

Santa replies, "I'm rechecking my answers and I don't think I did very good."

Talking Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Nick! New arrivals.... want? 25% off now..."

Santa`s Joke

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

Smart Santa

Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.

One day his partner Banta said to him, â€œWhat are we going to do with these fifty coats? Theyâre last yearâ€™s style and even though weâ€™ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still canâ€™t sell any.â€

Santa replied, â€œUse your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But hereâ€™s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think weâ€™ve made a mistake. Theyâ€™ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.â€

â€œWhat a terrific idea,â€ said Banta. â€œIâ€™ll send them out today.â€

Two weekâ€™s later, Banta says to Santa, â€œWhat a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.â€

Banta`s Delusion

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do," Banta replied.

"Very well, then," the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

"Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"

Secret of Happy Married Life

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Tandoori Chicken

Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, â€œYou were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santaâ€™s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Magic Door

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one Saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers.

Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing.

They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for?

Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits.

Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."

Furniture Business

Santa, a furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine. As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.

She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.

Till this day, the Santa has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!

Last Chicken

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.

By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.

A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"

What would you do if I died?

Jeeto: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

Santa: "Definitely not!"

Jeeto: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

Santa: "Of course I do."

Jeeto: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

Santa: "Okay, I'd get married again."

Jeeto: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

Santa: (makes audible groan).

Jeeto: 'Would you live in our house?'

Santa: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

Jeeto: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

Santa: 'Where else would we sleep?'

Jeeto: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

Santa: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

Jeeto: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

Santa: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

Jeeto: 'Would you give her my jewellry?'

Santa: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

Jeeto: 'Would she wear my shoes?'

Santa: 'No, her size is 6.'

Jeeto: Silence.....

Santa: 'Shit'.

Einstein vs. Banta

Einstein and Banta are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

Einstein says, "Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?

Banta doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.

Now, it's Banta's turn. He asks Einstein, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?"

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Banta $500.

Einstein going nuts and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5.

Banta`s Letter to Bill Gates

Bill Gates decided not to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta

To: Bill Gates, Microsoft
From: Banta
Date: 1 April 2011
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice...
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find 'button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Last one Mr. Bill Gates
P.S: "Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS ?"

Regards,
Banta

Hangover

Santa wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's New Year's Party. Santa is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Santa had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of Disprins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a red rose!! Santa sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the Disprins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Sweetheart, breakfast is on the table, I left early to get the shopping to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Preeto."

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is breakfast, steaming hot tea and the newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Santa asks, "Pappu... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 AM, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

Pappu replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed.... 'Leave me alone, I'm married!! Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Blind Date

Banta sets up his friend Santa to go on a blind date with a college friend.

Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be with her all night."

"Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!" and fake a heart attack."

That night Santa knocks at the girl's door. When she comes out he is awe-struck at how hot and gorgeous she is.

He's about to speak when the girl suddenly grabs her heart, shouts, "Aaaaaauuuuggghh!" and collapses with a heart attack.

Smart Answar

Santa and his wife Jeeto were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

Santa said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other jerk using my stuff."

Jeeto looked at Santa and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another jerk?"

Rectal Disorder

Santa goes to a proctologist to complain about a rectal disorder.

The doctor examines him, tells him he needs an enema, gives him the necessary medication for the enema, and asks him to come back the following week for a checkup.

Upon returning the next week, Santa complains that the medication did nothing for him.

"Did you use the medication properly?" asks the doctor.

"Of course I did, Doc! Jeez, what do you think, I shoved it up my ass?!"

Big Trouble

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground."

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground?"

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

Naughty Banta

Banta came to meet Santa at his house.

He knocked at the door; and was surprised to see Santa dripping with water open the door while being stark naked.

"Come on Santa, aren't you ashamed? Why don't you wear something?", said Banta.

Santa sheepishly ran into the bathroom and came back wearing his slippers.

Anniversary Giift

Santa was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Jeeto was really pissed.

She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 10-15 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning Santa got up early and left for work. When Jeeto woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, Jeeto put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Santa has been missing since Friday.

Weekend Party

Santa left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife, Jeeto, really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a few of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?"

The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!"

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Constipation

A doctor prescribed suppositories to Santa suffering from constipation but a week later he returned to the doctor and complained that the treatment wasn't working.

"Have you been taking them regularly?" asked the doctor.

"What do you think I've been doing?" snapped Santa. "Shoving them up my ass?"

Hiccups Remedy

Santa went into a drug store and asked the pharmacist if he could give him something for hiccups.

Without warning, the pharmacist suddenly reached out and slapped Santa hard across the face.

"What did you do that for?" asked Santa indignantly.

"Well, you haven't got hiccups any more, have you?"

"I haven't got hiccups - my wife has!" replied Santa!

Relief !!

Banta tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off.

The weeks later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery.

"Oh good," Banta responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?"

"Yes," said the doctor, "if you promise to be careful."

"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," he sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"

Weird Dreams

Preeto went to see a psychiatrist about her husband Santa (he wouldn't go with her).

"Doctor, my husband has this problem. Almost every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!"

"My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual..."

Preeto leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence, "But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Santa sleeps with his mouth open and his little light keeps me awake!"

Blind Date

Santa sets up Banta to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Banta is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Banta, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry." Santa says. "Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Banta knocks at Shirleys door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Banta's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, "Aaauuuggghhh!"

Neighbour`s Wife

Banta has been admiring his neighbor's wife. The neighbor's wife always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Banta didn't know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires because she's married. So, one day the lady herself approached Banta alone in his apartment.

Banta: Hi.

Lady: Hi.

Banta: Is everything alright?

Lady: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively).

Banta: Wow! Anything for the angel.

Lady: I...I...I...jusÂt don't know how to say this. I'll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no.

Banta: Oh my lady, you don't have to. I am ready to do anything for you.

Lady: You know, it's been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled.

Banta: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Lady: And even when he's around, he has some... (pause for a while) he has some disabilities.

Banta: Oh poor you. You must have been going through hell!

Lady: I know you'll be stronger than him.

Banta: Sure.

Lady: Can you help me?

Banta: Wow! Now? Sure, I'm ready if you are ready.

Lady: Oh thank goodness! That's why I came to you. Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?

Santa on KBC !!

Santa couldn't believe it - he'd made it to the last round of his favourite game show.

"Congratulations, Santa ji," said Big B. "Answer correctly and you go home with five crores!

"This is a two-part question on Punjab history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"

Santa figured he'd play it safe, "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."

Big B nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.

"Okay, Santa ji, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

Unbeatable Logic

Santa decided to study for the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of his friends came home.

Friend: Santa, how is your MBA preparation?

Santa: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Friend: Logic is very easy.

Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand?

Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.

Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.

Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.

Santa: YES.

Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.

Santa: YES.

Friend: so, logically, your are married.

Santa: YES.

Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.

Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Banta who was also preparing for MBA.

Santa: How is your MBA preparation?

Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Santa: Oh, logic is easy.

Banta: Please, give me an example.

Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?

Banta: NO, I don't.

Santa: Oh my God! That means you're gay!

The Last Hope

Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his apartment block. But when he got home he realized that his wallet was missing and burst into tears.

"What's the matter?" asked his wife.

"I've lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees," he wailed. "I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it's not there now."

"Did you look in the pockets of your pants?"

"Yes, but the money isn't there either."

"What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?"

"Of course not!" he snapped. "Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?"

Slipping Lion

Santa came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend Banta, and told him of his adventures.

"I was out in the jungle," he said, "when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops, and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit.

"The lion started gaining on me, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away, and made towards it.

As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on top of me, when he slipped for a third time. With the very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion's face."

"Wow! That's some sorry," said Banta. "If I'd been in that situation, I would have shit my pants."

"Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON...???"

Santa in Court

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and his neighbour, Santa, was called as a witness.
The prosecutor asked: "Did you ever get any cocaine from the defendant?"
"No, sir," answered Santa.
"Did you ever get any from his wife?"
"No, sir."
"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"
"Excuse me, sir," Santa said, "are we still talking about cocaine?"

Spelling Error !!

Our Banta is in police department. He is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head.
He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error.
"Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn`t look right - scratch scratch.
"Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch.
He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."

Reverse Gear !!

Banta bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandhar to meet his friend.
He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in evening. But he did not reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day. when he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran out, hugged him and asked, "Arre puttar, ki hoya?"
Banta got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,"Oye, ye Mruti waale paagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur piche jaan waaste sirf ik." (These Maruti-makers are crazy: they make four gears to go forward, but only one to go backward.)

Identity Problem

Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at Raja Sansi Airport, Amritsar.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.

"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the Banta.

"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."

Live a Life to Impress the Creator not the Creation

Miscellaneous

As soon as you die, your identity becomes a "Body".
People use phrases like
"Bring the Body",
"Lower the Body in the Grave",
"Take the Body to the Graveyard"
etc. etc.
People Don't Even call you by your
Name whom you tried to Impress the
whole Life.

Moral:- "Live a Life to Impress the
Creator not the Creation!!

Journalist at a Mental Hospital

Journalist at a Mental Hospital A Journalist to a Doctor of a mental hospital & the following conversation ensued :

JOURNALIST : How do you determine to admit a patient or not ?

DOCTOR : Well, we first fill a bathtub with water till the top. We then give a teaspoon, a glass cup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub.

JOURNALIST : Obviously a normal person would use the BUCKET because it's bigger.

DOCTOR : No, you're stupid! A normal person would pull the DRAIN PLUG! Nurse, admit this idiot in Ward 7!!

lol

A mad man was lying in his house

Suddenly a thief came in n stole d mad man's TV n Dec.

On his way out, the mad man woke up n started running bhind d thief.

After 3 hrs of run, the thief became tired and begged for mercy but the madman said to

him don't worry, I was only running to gave d remote, you forgot about it.

Safety Competition