Bollywood Celebs and their Websites

Bollywood has always the butt of jokes on social networking sites, Earlier it was twitter jokes and memes, ranging from Alok nath, tiger shroff, alia bhatt, and so on. And now the latest is about celebrity websites. Here are some of the funniest ones we came across...

Shah Rukh Khan:
http://IamAboveEveryone.com
http://kkkkkkkiiraaannn.com
http://iamalsoceleberity.com
http://NarcissistMeMyself.com

Salman Khan made a scandalous confession on Karan Johar's show Koffee with Karan about being single. Hence the jokes are targeted to this status of the Khan.
http://Bachalor.com
VirginBachelor@50.com
http://VIRGINia.com
http://bhaijaan.com
http://Remake.com

Abhishek Bachchan has fewer hits to his name and jokes are being made about his association with the Bachchans and his brand endorsements.
http://www.Ihavenoidea.com
http://www.wellapanti.com
http://AishwaryaKaPati.com
http://AmitabhKaBeta.com
http://JayaBachchanKaBeta.com
http://AaradhyaKaPapa.com

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Mukesh and his House!

Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes Bye to Nitabhabhi on 16th floor, says 'See You' to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore Mercedes to office, but then he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs. But on which floor? 15th, 17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th ?

He phones all his servants, cooks, maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, etc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running about on all the floors, but thekey is not traceable. Fed up, after half an hour, Mukeshbhai leaves in a chauffeur driven ordinary Ikon car.

At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back, a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pants and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. They had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found. This was found out because of Nitabhabhi's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.

Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nita bhabhi with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukesh bhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 am last night.

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Retirement Speech

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. The leading local politician was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was late, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

He commenced with: "Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humour!"

"I got my first impression of this parish from the very first confession I ever heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had affiar with his boss's 20 year old daughter, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

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Height of Tragedy!!

Aaj Jo Ek Aurat Ke Saath Hua Woh Kisi Dushman Ke Saath bhi Na Ho....

Subhay Uthi..... Breakfast Banaya, Lunch Banaya.....

Bachchon Ko Khilaya.....

Pati Ko Khilaya.....

Unhe Tayaar Kar Ke, Unka Tiffin Pack Kar Ke Unhe Bheja.....

Joothay Bartan Ikhata Karke Rakh Diye.....

Kapde Washing Machine Mein Daal Diye.....

Phir Shower Lene Chali Gayi.....

Bahar Nikalkar Nail Paint Lagai.....

Hair Dry Kiye.....

Red Suit Pehna,.....

Kajal Lagaya.....

Lipstick Lagai.....

Hair Style Kiya.....

Bus Duppata Lene Hi Waali Tthi..... Ki Uska Mobile Baja....

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Gabbar's Management Genius

Gabbar was more than just a ruthless Dacoit he was also a management and marketing genius. Just have a look at all that we can learn from his enterprising character:

1. Jo Darr Gaya Samjho Marr Gaya!!
This is the most timeless lesson from Gabbar Singh. Courage and enterprise are the most important factors for laying the successful foundation of a growth oriented organization or a happy life.

2. Kitne Aadmi The ?
As part of business strategy, Gabbar Singh made it a point to understand his competition and knowing that his team was defeated by only two people, he understood that even a small team could make a difference.

3. Arey O Sambha, Kitna Inaam Rakhi Hai Sarkaar Hum Pe?
Gabbar knew the importance of promoting one's own brand. He put it very nicely. When mothers put their kids to sleep saying, "So ja nahi toh Gabbar aa jayeg," you know that brand value is built by shamelessly promoting your business.

4. 6 Goli Aur Aadmi 3? Bahut Nainsaafi Hai?
Gabbar Singh had a sense of sarcasm and sadism. He created an illusion where his people had a chance of survival. He kills them in the next scene. Moral: - Perform or perish.

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Police v/s Military

Since the army is gradually talking over more and more functions of the police, there is much heartburning in police circles.

A constable who could not take the reduction of his status much longer, got talking to a jawan, "Bhai, I am told that you jawans of the army have to spend many years on the borders before you get leave. Meanwhile, your wives go on bearing children. Is this really true? How do you treat these ready-made children planted on you?"

The jawan replied cooly, "I do not think this is a common occurrence. But when it takes place we enrol these ready-made children, as you call them, into the police."

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Kabir v/s Software Engineer

Kabir:
Aisi Baani boliye, Man Ka Aapa Khoye,
Auron Ko Sheetal Kare, Aaphi Sheetal Hoye.

SE:
Aisa presentation dijiye, man ka aapa khoye,
Auron ko confuse kare, aaphi confuse hoye.

Kabir:
Guru Govind Doyu Khade, Kaake Laagu Paye,
Balihari Guru Aapke, Govind Diyo Bataye.

SE:
Client Aur Manager Doyu Khade, Kaake Laagu Paye,
Balihaari Client Aapke, Manager Diyo Bataye.

Rahim:
Rahiman Dhaaga Prem Ka, Mat Todo Chatkaye,
Tode Se Phirr Jude Na, Jude Gaanth Pad Jaaye.

SE:
SE Confidence Manager, Mat Todo Chatkaye,
Project To Barbaad Hoye Hi, Appraisal Mein Waat Lag Jjaye.

Kabir:
Dheere Dheere Re Mana, Dheere Sab Kuch Hoye,
Maali Seenche Sow Ghara, Ritu Aaye Phal Hoye.

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13 Funny Meanings of Places in English!

1) Large State "Maha-Rastra"
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2) Place of Kings "Raja-Sthan"
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3) Mr. City "Shri-Nagar"
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4) Rhythm of Eyes "Nayni-Tal"
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5) Face "Surat"
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6) Unmarried Girl. "Kanya-Kumari"
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7) No Zip. "Chen-Nai"
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8) Come in Evening. "Aa-Sam"
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9) Go and Come. "Go-Aa"
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10) Answer State. "Uttar-Pradesh"
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11) Make Juice. "Bana-Ras"
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12) Do Drama. "Kar-Natak"
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13) Green Gate. "Hari-Dwar"
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Amazing India!

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Husband ke Haseen Sapne!

Wife - Janu, Aaj Tumhari Girlfriend Night Stay Karne Aaa Rahi hai !

Maine Fridge mein Beer & fresh Fruit Salad banake rakha hai, Room freshner side table par hai,
 
Nahanay Ka Soap with lime fragrance or towel Bhi rakha hai, Main baccho ko Leker Mummy K 

yaha Jaa Rahi Hoon, Kal Sham Tak Aajaungi, Prog Mein Koi Change Ho To Inform Kar Dena, mein 

Wahin aur Ruk JaunGi...!
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Isko kahate hai
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Ek Husband ke haseen sapne!!!:

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Bechara Bachha!

Bacha: Abu plz mje 5 Rupees dedo. Baap: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apni ammi se lele.
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Bacha: Ami plz mje 5rp dedo.. Ammii: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apne mamu se lele.
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Bacha: Mamu plz mje 5rupy dedo Mamu: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apni mami se lele.
..
Bcha: Mami plz mje 5rp dedo Mami: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy tu apne chacha se lele.
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Bcha: Chacha 5rp hy? Chacha: Ha hy beta du kya?
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Bcha: Nhi apni kabar me lay jana icecream wala chala gya ab...!!

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Hindi commentary on on Sony Max!

Chetan Sharma - Behtarin shot dekhna hoga chakka hai ya chokka aur yeh sidha fielder ke haath main...

Sidhu - oho ho ho...maza aa Gaya kya short h gaganchumbi chakka toofani shot ye bol toh taramandal Mein jaake airhostage ke puppi le ke aa sakti hain
(six distance is jst 76 m)!!

Kapil Dev - dikhiye mujhe lagta hai yahaan se target chase karna muskil toh nahi Bt tough jarur hoga...

Akhtar - durling last 5 over...agar yahaan se ye dono set batsman 5
over or khel jate h toh ye match 2 over pehle jeet jayenge...
 
Rramiz Raja - aur ye utha ke Maara h lamba chhoda unchaa shot bowl hawa Mein bot upar jaa rha h aur ye boundary line pe sidha catch... catch out ho Gaye h Maxwell shot Mein tyming sahi nahi Thi shayad bat aaya nahi bol pe sahi!!
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Rohan Gawaskar - score 24/4...agar yahaan se ek do wicket aur gir jaaye toh phir muskile badh jayengi inke liye...

And d bst one- yaha pr smith ka khada hona boht jaruri hai...!

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Admission Form!

College Clerk: Beta yeh form tumne galat bhar diya hai. Yahaan address nahin naam likhna tha.

Student: Vikas Puri mera naam hi hai jee.

College Clerk: Achcha aur pita ka naam ?

Student: Ji Janak Puri.

College Clerk: Achch Dadaji ka naam ?

Student: Trilok Puri.

College Clerk: Hey Bhagwaan beta jaate jaate apni maaji ka naam bhi bata do.

Student: Maya Puri.

College Clerk: Main yeh sub nahin maanta. Koi aaya he tumhare saath family se tumhari admission ke liye.

Student: Ji mera bara bhai yeh.

College Clerk: Aapka naam ?

Bhai: Govind Puri!

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Pappu Rocks!

Ek aadmi apne dost ke ghar gya. Door-bell bajane pe Pappu bahar aaya.

Aadmi: Beta apne papa ko bulao.

Pappu: Ji wo nahi hai, wo bazar gye hain.

Aadmi: Achcha toh bade bhai ko bulao.

Pappu: Wo apne dosto ke saath cricket khelne gya hai.

Aadmi: Achcha aapki mummy to ghar par hongi...??

Pappu: Nahi, wo apni saheliyon ke saath picnic par gyi hain.

Aadmi irritate ho kar gusse mein bola: Abe toh tu akela ghar pe kya kar rha hai tu bhi kahin chala jata?

Pappu: Haan, tabhi to main yahan apne dost ke ghar aaya hun...!!!

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Height of Sakh!

Pehle Din:

Pati (phone par): Kahak ho?

Patni: Ghar mein hun darling.

Pati: Achcha agar Ghar mein ho to mixi chalao.

Patni mixi chalati hai..... grrrrr grrrrr grrrrr grrrrrr...

Pati: Achcha theek hai.

Dusre Din

Pati: Kahan ho?

Patni: Ghar pe hi hun darling.

Pati: Achcha agar Ghar mein ho to mixi chalao.

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Pyar Ka Bhoot!

Ek din khuda ne mujhse kaha: "Mat kar intezar is janam mein uska, Milna mushkil hai.
Maine bhi keh diya: "Lene de maza intezar ka, agle janam mein to mumkin hai."

Phir khuda ne kaha: "Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtayega."
Muskura ke maine kaha: "Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe tadpayega."

Phir khuda ne kaha: "Bhool ja use, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata hu." Maine kaha: "Aa neeche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulvata hu.

Gusse mein khuda ne kaha: "Mat bhool apni aukaat tu to ek insaan hai." Haas kar Maine kaha: "Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi Bhagwan hai."

Phir khuda ne guuse mein uski mujhse shadi kara di. Sab bhoot utar gaya.

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Innocent Santa!

Santa was caught by Mughal soldiers and they took him to their king Akbar.

Akbar: Kaun ho tum?

Santa: Jahanpanah, main Santa hun.

Akbar: Itni raat tum hamare mahal ke paas kya rahe the?

Santa, ghabraate hue: Ji... main...vo... kuch nahin.. bas aise hi...

Akbar: Sipahiyon, isko bandi bana do...

Santa pleads: Nahin Jahanpanah, aisa mat kariye, please mujhe banda hi rehne do.

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Naughty Bachha!

Pappu: Papa Aunty ka pet itna kyun foola hua hai ?

Santa: I know ki, tu sab Jan ta hai, badmaash.

Pappu: Nahin papa, I don't know.

Santa: Chal, Chal, jhooth mat bol.

Pappu: Trust me dad, pease batao na, please, please, please...

Pappu: Wo, yaar... aunty ke pet mein paani bhara hua hai.

Pappu: Oh!... Achcha!!! Phir toh bachcha doob jayega...

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Aaj Ka Bachha!

3rd class ka bachcha apni Miss se kehta hai: Main aapko kaisa lagta hun... ?

Miss: Too sweet and cute.

Bachcha: Toh phir main apne mummi-papa ko aap ke ghar kab bhej dunu ??

Miss: Wo kyon?

Bachcha: Taaki wo hamari baat aage chalayein

Miss: Yeh kya bakwas hai.

Baccha: Tution padhane ke liye...!!! Miss aap bhi na kasam se TV dekh dekh ke kharab ho gayi hain...

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Baba ji ka Taweez!

Aurat: Baba ji, mera shohar ghar aatey hi mujhe maarna peetna shuru kar dete hain.

Baba ek taweez nikaal ke us aurat ko deta hai aur kehta hai: Woh jaise hi ghar aaye toh tum ye TAWEEZ apne daant ke neechey dabaa lena.

After 5 days...

Aurat: Baba Ji kamaal ho gaya. Taweez daant ke neechey dabane ka itna phayda hua ke ab woh mujhe kuch nahi kehte.

Baba: Ye phayda Taweez ka nahi, balki apni Zubaan band rakhne ka Hai..

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Pappu`s Plan!

Pappu ko hamesha apne papa se daant padti rehti thi kyunki vo studies mein below average tha.

Ek din jab dono ek saath baith kar TV dekh rahe the tab achanak Pappu bola: Papa! Dekhna jab main business karunga na, toh achche achchon ke haath mein katora pakda dunga.

Santa, hairaani se: Achcha!!! Wo kaise?

Pappu haste hua bola: Gol-Gappe bechkar.

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