Gabbar's Management Genius

Gabbar was more than just a ruthless Dacoit he was also a management and marketing genius. Just have a look at all that we can learn from his enterprising character:

1. Jo Darr Gaya Samjho Marr Gaya!!
This is the most timeless lesson from Gabbar Singh. Courage and enterprise are the most important factors for laying the successful foundation of a growth oriented organization or a happy life.

2. Kitne Aadmi The ?
As part of business strategy, Gabbar Singh made it a point to understand his competition and knowing that his team was defeated by only two people, he understood that even a small team could make a difference.

3. Arey O Sambha, Kitna Inaam Rakhi Hai Sarkaar Hum Pe?
Gabbar knew the importance of promoting one's own brand. He put it very nicely. When mothers put their kids to sleep saying, "So ja nahi toh Gabbar aa jayeg," you know that brand value is built by shamelessly promoting your business.

4. 6 Goli Aur Aadmi 3? Bahut Nainsaafi Hai?
Gabbar Singh had a sense of sarcasm and sadism. He created an illusion where his people had a chance of survival. He kills them in the next scene. Moral: - Perform or perish.

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What Indian Advertisements taught us?

1. Kareena has dandruff problem, Katrina has dry hair problem, Shilpa has hairfall problem and Priyanka has chip-chip.
 
2. If you've a hot wife, make sure your neighbor doesn't use a deodorant in your absence.
 
3. Your complexion is more important than your qualifications.
 
4. If there is no salt in your kitchen you can use Toothpaste.
 
5. Every second oral care brand is No. 1 and recommended by every dentist in India!!!
 
6. If your daughter is not Ready to Get married, take her to a jewelry/textile shop.
 
7. Only reason why men use deodorant is to get girls.
 
8. Most colas cure all kinds of phobias. You will be close to a superman, if you drink these regularly!!
 

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Whatsapp chat of Bollywood

Katrina- hii
 
Priyanka- bol,
 
Katrina- lets go london in weekend
 
Kareena- aa gai aukaat mei sali, foriegner ki bachi
 
Katrina- :-p
 
Deepika- tu hi jaa, aur ranbir ka picha chod de
 
Priyanka- kareena ko kaun add kiya
 
Saif- mei kiya, kya kar legi
 
Sahid- gussa mat kar priyanka
 
Priyanka- tu chup reh kareena k chamche

Kareena- jalo mat barabari karo
 
Sahid- saif teri toh mei pungi bha junga

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Hindi commentary on on Sony Max!

Chetan Sharma - Behtarin shot dekhna hoga chakka hai ya chokka aur yeh sidha fielder ke haath main...

Sidhu - oho ho ho...maza aa Gaya kya short h gaganchumbi chakka toofani shot ye bol toh taramandal Mein jaake airhostage ke puppi le ke aa sakti hain
(six distance is jst 76 m)!!

Kapil Dev - dikhiye mujhe lagta hai yahaan se target chase karna muskil toh nahi Bt tough jarur hoga...

Akhtar - durling last 5 over...agar yahaan se ye dono set batsman 5
over or khel jate h toh ye match 2 over pehle jeet jayenge...
 
Rramiz Raja - aur ye utha ke Maara h lamba chhoda unchaa shot bowl hawa Mein bot upar jaa rha h aur ye boundary line pe sidha catch... catch out ho Gaye h Maxwell shot Mein tyming sahi nahi Thi shayad bat aaya nahi bol pe sahi!!
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Rohan Gawaskar - score 24/4...agar yahaan se ek do wicket aur gir jaaye toh phir muskile badh jayengi inke liye...

And d bst one- yaha pr smith ka khada hona boht jaruri hai...!

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Facebook Leela!

Facebook ki leela sab par padi bhaari hai...

71 saal ki budhiya bhi yahan kunwaari hai...

Chacha ki bhi kismat badal jaati hai...

18 saal ki chaachi yahan mil jaati hai...

Ladke yahan ladkiyan ban jaate hein...

Nakali Id se aatank machaate hein...

Kuchh toh itne paagal ho jaate hein...

Din raat 'Add Me' - 'Add Me' chillaate hein!

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3 idiots Facebook version!

Aamir: Smiling...

Teacher: Aap muskura kyon rahe ho?

Aamir: Bahut dino se FB page ka admin banne ki ichcha thi aaj ban gaya hun, bahut maza aa raha hai.

Teacher: Jyada maze lene ki zarurat nahi hai. Ok tell me what is a post?

Aamir: Anything that is posted on facebook is a post sir.
Teacher: Can you please elaborate?

Aamir: Sir, jo bhi facebook pe log daalte hain wo post hai sir... ghumne gaye, uski photo daal diya!!! Post hai sir. Sir actually hum post se ghire hue hain!!! Katrina ki pic se Ronaldo ki kick tak!!! Sab post hai sir!!! Ek second mein comment, ek second mein like!!! Comment-Like, Comment-like....

Teacher: Shut up! ADMIN banke ye karoge??? Comment-like, comment-like. Chatur tum batao?

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Janata Maaf Nahin Karegi Collection!

'Janata Maaf Nahin Karegi' Bankers Version: Totally related to your daily BELOVED customers..

ATM Card Hote Hue Bhi Branch Mein Gardi Karne Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

100 Rs Ke Liye 10 Lacs Ka Attitude Dikhane Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

Entry Karne Pure Mohalle Ke Passbook Lane Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

50 Lacs Balance Hote Hue Bhi 100 Rs Service Charges Deduction Pe Rone Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

Ek Branch Mein Cheque Deposit Karke Dusre Branch Mein Enquiry Karne Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

Without 15G/15H Bharke TDS Deduction Pe Rone Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

Cheque/Withdrawal Slip Pe Khud Ke Galat Sign Karne Walon Tumhe Janata Maaf Nahi Karegi.

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Aaisa Hona Chahiye Collection

Ladka Handsome hona chahiye,
Smart to Phone bhi hote hain.

Phone to iPhone hona chahiye,
S1, S2, S3 to Train ke Dibbe bhi hote hain.

Insaan ka dil Bada hona chahiye,
Chhota to Bheem bhi hai.

Aadmi ko Samjhdar hona chahiye,
Sensitive to Toothpaste bhi hota hai.

Teacher jyada Number dene wala hona chahiye,
Andaa to Murgi bhi deti hai.

Yuva Rashtrawadi Hone chahiye,
Cool to Navratna Oil bhi hai.

Rashtrapati Kalaam Hona Chahiye,
Mukherjee to Rani bhi hai.
v Bathroom mein Hair Dryer Hona chahiye,
Towel to Sreesanth ke paas bhi hai.

Ladki mein Akal honi chahiye,
Surat to Gujrat mein bhi hai.

Mobile General mode par hona chahiye,
Silent to Manmohan Singh bhi hain.

Seb meetha hona chahiye,
Lal to Advani bhi hain.

Ladka Dravid jaisa hone chahiye,
Rahul to Gandhi bhi hai.

Ghumna to Hill Station par chahiye,
Goa to Pan masala bhi hai.

Reply dhang ka hona chahiye,
'Hmmmmmmm.' to bhains bhi kar leti hai.

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How to kill a Lion?

Vodafone Method:
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectation, never ask him to do any hard work for 3 months. After 3 months tell him that now you have to fulfill your yearly target within 9 months. Otherwise you will be kicked out from the jungle. Lion dies due to fear, that if he loses this "lazy animals jungle", where will he go.

Reliance Method:
Hire a lion. Give him hell lot of work and pay him fat salary more than industry. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, location every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.

Tata Method:
Hire a lion and give him the post of a cat, ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.

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Sanskari Aloknath!

Teacher to Alok Nath: Wo kya hai jo COW ke paas chaar aur mere paass 2 hain?
Alok Nath: Madam, Legs.

Mam: Wo kya hai jo tumhare PANT mein hai aur mere peticoat mein nahin?
Alok Nath: Ji, Pocket.

Mam: Wo kya hai jo din mein lene ke bajay raat ko bistar pe lte hain?
Alok Nath: Ji, Neend.

Mam: Wo kya hai jo LADKI 1st time karwane par jor se chillati hai.
Alok Nath: Kaan mein ched.

Mam: Wo kya hai jiske aadha jaane par dard hota hai par pura jaane par achcha lagta hai?
Alok Nath: Haathon mein Kangan.

Mam: Wo kya hai jiske paas ho to haath mein pakad kar hilata hai, aur jiske paas na ho toh ongli daal kar hilata hai?Hai.
Alok Nath: TOOTH BRUSH.

Ye Hote Hai Sanskaar... BC

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Nirupa Roy Trending Jokes!

After Rajinikanth, Alok Nath, Arvind Kejriwal, veteran actress Nirupa Roy is the favourite troll topic for Twitterati. From her tragic roles in Bollywood movies to the various kinds of sons she has had on-screen to her ever-crying image, jokes abound on all aspects of her silver screen image.

1. Nirupa Roy's laptop has got WIDOW-XP installed.

2. Nirupa Roy can instantly cry on a joke.

3. Nirupa Roy's laughing mms goes viral...she claims it's doctored.

4. Nirupa Roy has 6 sons. All of them are named Vijay.

5. After Nirupa Roy's first marriage, her father said by mistake: "Sada abhaagan raho!"

6. Cannes to roll out white carpet for Nirupa Roy's welcome.

7. Nirupa Roy's most horrifying nightmare: she saw that she was young!!

8. Nirupa Roy's most romantic moment: when her husband gave her flowers for the first time...on Mother's Day.

9. Nirupa Roy's daughter doesn't talk to her anymore as she tried to name her 'Vijay' when she was born.

10. Nirupa Roy has 73 shades of white in her wardrobe collection.

11. Nirupa Roy to play lead role in upcoming movie 'Hasee To Phasee'.

12. Nirupa Roy dragged Johnson & Johnson to court over the "No more tears" campaign.

13. Nirupa Roy plays Holi with sindoor.

14. Nirupa Roy's Whatsapp status says: "Last cried at..."

15. Nirupa Roy was once approached for a comedy movie. That casting director lost his job.

16. CRY Foundation has offered Nirupa Roy to become its brand ambassador.

17. Nirupa Roy sends Weepeys instead of Smileys.

18. Nirupa Roy looks for her groom in Obituary columns.

19. Nirupa Roy still thinks Draupadi's 'Cheerharan' was a wardrobe malfunction.

20. When Nirupa Roy cuts an Onion the Onion starts crying.

21. Nirupa Roy provided 700 liters of free water per family through her tear ducts long before Kejriwal thought.

22. All ophthalmology textbooks have chapters dedicated to Nirupa Roy's different types of blindness and their corrective operations.

23. Mumbai police is not registering complaint of Nirupa Roy as they are confident that her kids will be back after 18 years.

24. Nirupa Roy use 'Internet Explorer' because it makes people cry.

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Arvind Kejriwal Trending Jokes!

It all started with CID...
then came RAJiNIKANTH...
next was ALOKNATH...
Now It's Arvind Kejriwal...

Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him, Do I look fat?

Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party, he calls the cops at 10 pm.

Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate.

Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads.

Kejriwal is so honest that, he always removes USB safely.

Kejriwal is so honest that, when he finds the bomb, he returns it to the terrorist.

Kejriwal is so honest that, he got his wife's brother arrested for stealing his shoes during his marriage ceremony.

Kejriwal is so honest that, he cooks maggie only for 2 minutes.

Kejriwal is so honest that, he actually "Rolls On The Floor laughing" when he texts ROF.

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