What does bitch and bastard mean?

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a"bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied"ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in and asked"What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied"hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked"What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relativesand said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!: