Does Rajniknath smoke?
No, he just fires.
No, he just fires.
Who are the heroes of India?
Who are the heroes of India?
Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Dhoni, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and Anna. You wonder why Rajniknath is not in the list. Actually he is not a hero, he is a super-hero.
Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Dhoni, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and Anna. You wonder why Rajniknath is not in the list. Actually he is not a hero, he is a super-hero.
When was Rajnikanth born?
When was Rajnikanth born?
No one knows about it. He has been around since the time when history was not documented
No one knows about it. He has been around since the time when history was not documented
Rajnikant`s Underwear!
One day Rajnikanth was swimming from Africa to US in the Atlantic and he lost his underwear. Now they call it BERMUDA TRIANGLE.
Why didn't Rajnikanth object to jokes made on him?
Why didn't Rajnikanth object to jokes made on him?
Bcoz he hated growing popularity of Santa and Banta.
Bcoz he hated growing popularity of Santa and Banta.
How come Barrack Obama became the first black President of the USA?
How come Barrack Obama became the first black President of the USA?
Americans got inspiration from Rajnikanth. If Rajnikanth can do everything inspite of being dark, even Obama could do it for them.
Americans got inspiration from Rajnikanth. If Rajnikanth can do everything inspite of being dark, even Obama could do it for them.
Why Rajnikanth lives in South India?
Why Rajnikanth lives in South India?
Bcoz India is well-protected with natural boundaries in the North and he can take care of enemies invading through water-route.
Bcoz India is well-protected with natural boundaries in the North and he can take care of enemies invading through water-route.
Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North?
Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North?
Becoz Rajnikanth lives in the South and no one can point at him
Becoz Rajnikanth lives in the South and no one can point at him
Why Rajnikanth doesn`t play cricket?
Q: Why Rajnikanth doesn`t play cricket?
A: Bcoz Sachin Tendulkar requested him to keep his world records intact.
A: Bcoz Sachin Tendulkar requested him to keep his world records intact.
Rajnikanth`s Warning
A boy broke the window of Rajinikanth`s house while playing cricket.
Rajni warned the boy to play slowly. The boy is now known as
Misbah-Ul-Haq.
Rajnikanth`s SMS
This message is being sent by Rajnikanth in the interest of humanity:
Stop making jokes on me, otherwise I will delete your `forward` option.
Stop making jokes on me, otherwise I will delete your `forward` option.
Rajnikanth`s Dictionary
Rajnikanth was practicing for a spelling test, the rough sheet he used is known as Oxford dictionary.
According to Rajnikanth
I don`t fear exams now because at the beginning of every answer.
I shall write: `According to Rajnikanth.`
I shall write: `According to Rajnikanth.`
Rajnikanth`s Knowledge
Once Rajnikanth woke up in the morning & decided to share the knowledge with everyone & thus Google originated.
Rajnikanth`s Kick
One Day Rajnikanth got angry at his sweeper.
He kicked him so hard that he went flying in d sky with his broom.
2day the boy is famous as `HARRY PORTER`.
He kicked him so hard that he went flying in d sky with his broom.
2day the boy is famous as `HARRY PORTER`.
A Couple's life on Whatsapp and Facebook:
On Whatsapp:
Wife: Ghar Kab Aa Rahe Ho?
Husband: Pata Nahi, Dimaag Mat Khao!
On Facebook:
Wife: Dear, when will you be back? You're the best husband in the world. Miss you, please come back soon.
Husband: Thanks for being there always... so lucky to have a wonderful wife in you. Honey, I'll be back soon!
On Whatsapp:
Wife: Ghar Kab Aa Rahe Ho?
Husband: Pata Nahi, Dimaag Mat Khao!
On Facebook:
Wife: Dear, when will you be back? You're the best husband in the world. Miss you, please come back soon.
Husband: Thanks for being there always... so lucky to have a wonderful wife in you. Honey, I'll be back soon!
Homo Kids!
Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.
Dad: Whats that?
Daughter: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him.
Second Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.
Dad: What's that?
Second Daughter: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?
Son: I do!!!!
Dad: Whats that?
Daughter: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him.
Second Daughter: Dad I gotta tell you something.
Dad: What's that?
Second Daughter: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?
Son: I do!!!!
First Time Experiance!
A wealthy socialite had a night out on the town with her friends. She
awoke the next morning, totally naked and with a monster of a hang-over.
So she rang for the butler and asked for a cup of strong black coffee.
"Geeves" she said, "I can't remember a thing about last night. How did I get to bed?"
"Well Madam, I carried you upstairs and put you to bed."
"But my dress?"
"It seemed a pity to crumple it, so I took it off and hung it up."
"But what about my underwear?"
"I thought the elastic might stop the circulation, so I took the liberty of removing them."
"What a night!" she said. "I must have been tight!"
"Only the first time, Madam."
"Geeves" she said, "I can't remember a thing about last night. How did I get to bed?"
"Well Madam, I carried you upstairs and put you to bed."
"But my dress?"
"It seemed a pity to crumple it, so I took it off and hung it up."
"But what about my underwear?"
"I thought the elastic might stop the circulation, so I took the liberty of removing them."
"What a night!" she said. "I must have been tight!"
"Only the first time, Madam."
Weeding Night`s Trial
During sex, the girlfriend started screaming, throwing hands and crying.
Boyfriend: What are you doing? This is not the first time we are doing it.
Girlfriend don't bother, you keep on doing......, I'm practicing for my wedding night. It's approaching fast.
Boyfriend: What are you doing? This is not the first time we are doing it.
Girlfriend don't bother, you keep on doing......, I'm practicing for my wedding night. It's approaching fast.
Do you hate porn movies?
I don't know why people Hate Porn Movies ?
Although it is the most Positive Movie but there's...
No Murder;
No War;
No Fight;
No Cheating;
Everybody enjoys the Climax;
Lots of Love and always a very Happy Ending for all Charcters.
AND the Best part - There is no story, so you can watch any part you like..!!!
Although it is the most Positive Movie but there's...
No Murder;
No War;
No Fight;
No Cheating;
Everybody enjoys the Climax;
Lots of Love and always a very Happy Ending for all Charcters.
AND the Best part - There is no story, so you can watch any part you like..!!!
Nipple Business!
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex
products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures
baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud 'hiss-pop' noise.
"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-Pop' noise.
"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-Pop' noise.
"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
Adam`s Headache!
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?'
So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said, "What's a headache?"
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?'
So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said, "What's a headache?"
Importance of Bra!
Never under estimate the Importance of the BRA..
Q: Striped BRA?
A: zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA?
A: coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA?
A: algeBRA
Q: Sunsign BRA?
A: liBRA
Q: Magical BRA?
A: aaBRA ka daBRA
Q: Religious BRA?
A: BRA hmin!
Q: Metallic BRA?
A: BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie's BRA?
A: BRAd pit...
Q: Botany BRA?
A: BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA?
A: BRAnd!
Q: punctuation BRA?
A: BRAcket
Q: Scary BRA?
A: GhaBRAahat!!!!
Q: Room full of BRA's?
A: LiBRAry
Q: alchohlic BRA?
A: BRAndy.
Q: Surname BRA?
A: ChhaBRA
Q: Country BRA?
A: BRAzil
Q: BRA which became the American President and inspired the whole world A: aBRAham Lincoln!
AND YOU THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA !!! How "BRAinless"
And Here's another important and interesting thing about BRA...
It's not: Sabbra Ka Fal Meetha Hota Hai.
It's "Sab" "Bra" "Ka" ''Fal'' meetha hota hai.
Q: Striped BRA?
A: zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA?
A: coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA?
A: algeBRA
Q: Sunsign BRA?
A: liBRA
Q: Magical BRA?
A: aaBRA ka daBRA
Q: Religious BRA?
A: BRA hmin!
Q: Metallic BRA?
A: BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie's BRA?
A: BRAd pit...
Q: Botany BRA?
A: BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA?
A: BRAnd!
Q: punctuation BRA?
A: BRAcket
Q: Scary BRA?
A: GhaBRAahat!!!!
Q: Room full of BRA's?
A: LiBRAry
Q: alchohlic BRA?
A: BRAndy.
Q: Surname BRA?
A: ChhaBRA
Q: Country BRA?
A: BRAzil
Q: BRA which became the American President and inspired the whole world A: aBRAham Lincoln!
AND YOU THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA !!! How "BRAinless"
And Here's another important and interesting thing about BRA...
It's not: Sabbra Ka Fal Meetha Hota Hai.
It's "Sab" "Bra" "Ka" ''Fal'' meetha hota hai.
Proud to be a Boy!
Pappu: You know a single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it.
That means that a normal ejaculation of about 6 million sperm represents
a data transfer of 1,587.5 TB in about 3 seconds.
Bunty: Amazing.
Pappu: Yep. And you thought nothing was faster than Google. I am really proud to be a boy. Great talent and great energy!
Bunty: Amazing.
Pappu: Yep. And you thought nothing was faster than Google. I am really proud to be a boy. Great talent and great energy!
Gentle Pappu!
Pappu was dating with his new girlfriend in hotel room.
Girl Friend: `I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table.`
Pappu climbs into bed slowly and says: `Honey, would you pass the boobs please?`
Girl Friend: `I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table.`
Pappu climbs into bed slowly and says: `Honey, would you pass the boobs please?`
Why lovemaking is so enjoyable?
Pappu: Why's making love so enjoyable?
Santa: It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger!!
Pappu: Why do women enjoy more sex than men?
Santa: It's because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
Pappu: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
Santa: It is like when you are walking down the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it?
Pappu: Why women cant have sex when they are having their periods?
Santa: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it?
Pappu: Why men dont like to wear condoms when they are making love?
Santa: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?
Pappu: Why is making love carried out in private?
Santa: Will you dig your nose in front of your class? Idiot!!!
Santa: It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger!!
Pappu: Why do women enjoy more sex than men?
Santa: It's because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
Pappu: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
Santa: It is like when you are walking down the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it?
Pappu: Why women cant have sex when they are having their periods?
Santa: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it?
Pappu: Why men dont like to wear condoms when they are making love?
Santa: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?
Pappu: Why is making love carried out in private?
Santa: Will you dig your nose in front of your class? Idiot!!!
Boobs or Boots!
Pappu texting to his girlfriend, "Hey baby, what's up?"
Girlfriend: Nothing much just washing my BOOBS.
Pappu: What?
Girlfriend: Yeah. They have become very dirty. People are all over them most of the time.
Pappu: What the hell!!!
Girlfriend: Why? Ohhhh fuck... Sorry baby!!!! I meant BOOTS. Damn this Auto-correct is on!
Girlfriend: Nothing much just washing my BOOBS.
Pappu: What?
Girlfriend: Yeah. They have become very dirty. People are all over them most of the time.
Pappu: What the hell!!!
Girlfriend: Why? Ohhhh fuck... Sorry baby!!!! I meant BOOTS. Damn this Auto-correct is on!
Genius Pappu!
Four worms were put into Four separate jars.
The 1st worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The 2nd worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The 3rd worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The 4th worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
1st worm in alcohol - dead;
2nd worm in cigarette smoke -dead;
3rd worm in sperm - dead;
4th worm in soil - alive.
The Science teacher asked the class, "What did you learn from this experiment?"
Pappu quickly raised his hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have WORMS !!!"
The 1st worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The 2nd worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The 3rd worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The 4th worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
1st worm in alcohol - dead;
2nd worm in cigarette smoke -dead;
3rd worm in sperm - dead;
4th worm in soil - alive.
The Science teacher asked the class, "What did you learn from this experiment?"
Pappu quickly raised his hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have WORMS !!!"
Big Ball Theory!
A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the
boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling him he
needed glasses.
Finally, he bought himself a pair, and his game improved 100%.
Back in the clubroom, they were talking over a few beers. "You're playing better since you got your glasses," one said.
"You're right, I look down, and the ball's as big as a basketball, just can't miss it now," he said. After a few more beers, he said. "Gotta go to the toilet; be back in a minute."
When he came back, the front of his trousers was all wet.
"Gee, what happened to you?" his friends asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "I got in there, pulled it out, and it looked too big to be mine, so I put it back.
Finally, he bought himself a pair, and his game improved 100%.
Back in the clubroom, they were talking over a few beers. "You're playing better since you got your glasses," one said.
"You're right, I look down, and the ball's as big as a basketball, just can't miss it now," he said. After a few more beers, he said. "Gotta go to the toilet; be back in a minute."
When he came back, the front of his trousers was all wet.
"Gee, what happened to you?" his friends asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "I got in there, pulled it out, and it looked too big to be mine, so I put it back.
Mother Nature!
Two friends went out golfing and their tee shots were horrible. One guy
hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that the shots were
so bad that they would just meet up at the hole.
So, the first guy looks and looks and finds his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. So he promptly pulls out his seven iron and starts whacking away. Buttercups are flying everywhere but the ball won't come out.
Finally Mother Nature got mad. She came up from the ground and said to the man, "I've created this beautiful field of Buttercups and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I'm going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups your punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year."
The man started to laugh and goes back to whacking at the Buttercups.
Mother Nature said, "Hey! This is no laughing matter. What do you find so funny?"
The man said, "My buddy is over on the other side in the Pussywillows."
So, the first guy looks and looks and finds his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. So he promptly pulls out his seven iron and starts whacking away. Buttercups are flying everywhere but the ball won't come out.
Finally Mother Nature got mad. She came up from the ground and said to the man, "I've created this beautiful field of Buttercups and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I'm going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups your punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year."
The man started to laugh and goes back to whacking at the Buttercups.
Mother Nature said, "Hey! This is no laughing matter. What do you find so funny?"
The man said, "My buddy is over on the other side in the Pussywillows."
Holi Celebration!
Kripya Holi wale din... inka wahi matlab samajhiyega jo bachpan mein samajhte the...
Main geeli ho gayi yaar.
Aur kahi pe bhi lagalo... bas muh pe mat lagana...
Don't touch my balloons.
Kapde mat faad, mein dalwa rahi hun na.
Achha baba, lo laga lo.
Awwwww.. you made me wet.
Ek ek karke lagao yaar.
Tel laga kar ana, warna nahin jayega.
Yaar mere gubaare mei chhed hai.
Hold my pichkari while I blow your balloons.
She: "Your pichkari is not working".
He: "Blow it from front and then try again."
Main geeli ho gayi yaar.
Aur kahi pe bhi lagalo... bas muh pe mat lagana...
Don't touch my balloons.
Kapde mat faad, mein dalwa rahi hun na.
Achha baba, lo laga lo.
Awwwww.. you made me wet.
Ek ek karke lagao yaar.
Tel laga kar ana, warna nahin jayega.
Yaar mere gubaare mei chhed hai.
Hold my pichkari while I blow your balloons.
She: "Your pichkari is not working".
He: "Blow it from front and then try again."
Santa Rocks!
Banta: Tera Birthday kab hai?
Santa: Next week, Why?
Banta: Tujhe ghar ki windows ke liye parde gift karne hai. Teri wife ko tere saath sex karte hue dekh-dekh ke bore ho gaya hun.
Santa: Tera Birthday kab hai?
Banta: Next month, Why?
Santa: Tujhe binoculars gift karni hai, taaki tu dekh sake ki wife kiski hai.
Sometimes Santa also rocks!!!
Santa: Next week, Why?
Banta: Tujhe ghar ki windows ke liye parde gift karne hai. Teri wife ko tere saath sex karte hue dekh-dekh ke bore ho gaya hun.
Santa: Tera Birthday kab hai?
Banta: Next month, Why?
Santa: Tujhe binoculars gift karni hai, taaki tu dekh sake ki wife kiski hai.
Sometimes Santa also rocks!!!
Sanskari Aloknath!
Teacher to Alok Nath: Wo kya hai jo COW ke paas chaar aur mere paass 2 hain?
Alok Nath: Madam, Legs.
Mam: Wo kya hai jo tumhare PANT mein hai aur mere peticoat mein nahin?
Alok Nath: Ji, Pocket.
Mam: Wo kya hai jo din mein lene ke bajay raat ko bistar pe lte hain?
Alok Nath: Ji, Neend.
Mam: Wo kya hai jo LADKI 1st time karwane par jor se chillati hai.
Alok Nath: Kaan mein ched.
Mam: Wo kya hai jiske aadha jaane par dard hota hai par pura jaane par achcha lagta hai?
Alok Nath: Haathon mein Kangan.
Mam: Wo kya hai jiske paas ho to haath mein pakad kar hilata hai, aur jiske paas na ho toh ongli daal kar hilata hai?Hai.
Alok Nath: TOOTH BRUSH.
Ye Hote Hai Sanskaar... BC
Alok Nath: Madam, Legs.
Mam: Wo kya hai jo tumhare PANT mein hai aur mere peticoat mein nahin?
Alok Nath: Ji, Pocket.
Mam: Wo kya hai jo din mein lene ke bajay raat ko bistar pe lte hain?
Alok Nath: Ji, Neend.
Mam: Wo kya hai jo LADKI 1st time karwane par jor se chillati hai.
Alok Nath: Kaan mein ched.
Mam: Wo kya hai jiske aadha jaane par dard hota hai par pura jaane par achcha lagta hai?
Alok Nath: Haathon mein Kangan.
Mam: Wo kya hai jiske paas ho to haath mein pakad kar hilata hai, aur jiske paas na ho toh ongli daal kar hilata hai?Hai.
Alok Nath: TOOTH BRUSH.
Ye Hote Hai Sanskaar... BC
Murder of English!
Pathan being intrviewed at U.K Embasy:
CONSULATE: Your name please?
Pathan: Gul khan.
CONSLATE: Sex ?
Pathan: Ten times a week.
CONSULATE: I mean male or female?
Pathan: Both male and female and sometimes Camels too.
CONSULATE: You seem Ugly.
Pathan: Yes Ugly and Pichli both sides.
CONSULATE: Freaky Ass!
Pathan: Yes, sometimes free ki ass somtimes have to pay. CONSULATE: Man are you hostile?
Pathan: Horse style,dog style any style.
CONSULATE: Oh dear!!!
Pathan: Deer? No deer they run very fast.
CONSULATE: Your name please?
Pathan: Gul khan.
CONSLATE: Sex ?
Pathan: Ten times a week.
CONSULATE: I mean male or female?
Pathan: Both male and female and sometimes Camels too.
CONSULATE: You seem Ugly.
Pathan: Yes Ugly and Pichli both sides.
CONSULATE: Freaky Ass!
Pathan: Yes, sometimes free ki ass somtimes have to pay. CONSULATE: Man are you hostile?
Pathan: Horse style,dog style any style.
CONSULATE: Oh dear!!!
Pathan: Deer? No deer they run very fast.
Neighbour`s Pussy!
Banta: Why are you hospitalised?
Santa: Padosan ki BILLI mere MURGE ke peeche padi hui thi. Maine uske husband ko english mein bataya, usne mujhe bahut maara...
Banta: Englih mein, aur vo bhi tumne? Aisa kya bola tumne English mein?
Santa: Control your wife's pussy, she is after my cock...!"
Santa: Padosan ki BILLI mere MURGE ke peeche padi hui thi. Maine uske husband ko english mein bataya, usne mujhe bahut maara...
Banta: Englih mein, aur vo bhi tumne? Aisa kya bola tumne English mein?
Santa: Control your wife's pussy, she is after my cock...!"
Innocent Bachha!
Ek bachcha ghar pe apn homework kar raha tha tabhi uski pencil neeche
gir jaati hai. Vo bachacha apni chest pe hath rakh ke pencil uthane ke
liye jhukta hai.
Bachche ka Dad: Chest pe haath kyun rakha????
Bachha: Dad, Mujhe darr lag raha tha isliye.
Dad: Darr? Kaisa darr??!!!
Bachha: School mein madam bina haath rakhe jhuki thi, un ke dono lungs bahar aa gaye the...!!!!
Bachche ka Dad: Chest pe haath kyun rakha????
Bachha: Dad, Mujhe darr lag raha tha isliye.
Dad: Darr? Kaisa darr??!!!
Bachha: School mein madam bina haath rakhe jhuki thi, un ke dono lungs bahar aa gaye the...!!!!
Girl`s Rape in a Shoop!
A Gujarati girl goes to a shopkeeper and asks: Bhaiya aapke yahan rape hota hai kya?
Shopkeeper (shocked: Madam, aage ki dukaan mein pooch lijiye, hum toh nahin karte rape.
The girl returns after sometime: Bhaiya woh toh bol rahe hain yahi hota hai, aapk hi karte hain. Please kar dijiye na, bahut der ho rahi hai.
Shopkeeper (embarassed) Madam please, aap aage dekh lijiye.
Girl: Taking out a gift to be wrapped... bhaiya itna sa toh hai, please kar dijiye na. Shopkeeper (blushing): Arre madam aisa boliye na wrap karna hai... Girl: Wahi toh kah rahi un kab se ki rape karwana hai... rape karwana hai...
Shopkeeper (shocked: Madam, aage ki dukaan mein pooch lijiye, hum toh nahin karte rape.
The girl returns after sometime: Bhaiya woh toh bol rahe hain yahi hota hai, aapk hi karte hain. Please kar dijiye na, bahut der ho rahi hai.
Shopkeeper (embarassed) Madam please, aap aage dekh lijiye.
Girl: Taking out a gift to be wrapped... bhaiya itna sa toh hai, please kar dijiye na. Shopkeeper (blushing): Arre madam aisa boliye na wrap karna hai... Girl: Wahi toh kah rahi un kab se ki rape karwana hai... rape karwana hai...
First Night!
Ek aaadmi ki shaadi ek traafic police waali ladki se ho jaati hai.
Agle din uske doston ne pucha: Bata Bhai Kaisi Rahi Suhagrat?
Aadmi: Mat pucho yaar, bahut bura hua mere saath. Kisi Police waai ke saath kabhi shaadi mat karna.
Dost: Arre batao bhi, aisa kya ho gaya?
Aadmi: Usne suhaag raat ko hi mujhe 800 Rs ka jurmaana thok diya.
Dost, hairani se: Jurmaana!!! Oye kis cheez ka jurmaana?
Aadmi: 100 Rs Over Speed, 300 Wrong Side Entry aur 400 Rs Without Helmet ka...
Agle din uske doston ne pucha: Bata Bhai Kaisi Rahi Suhagrat?
Aadmi: Mat pucho yaar, bahut bura hua mere saath. Kisi Police waai ke saath kabhi shaadi mat karna.
Dost: Arre batao bhi, aisa kya ho gaya?
Aadmi: Usne suhaag raat ko hi mujhe 800 Rs ka jurmaana thok diya.
Dost, hairani se: Jurmaana!!! Oye kis cheez ka jurmaana?
Aadmi: 100 Rs Over Speed, 300 Wrong Side Entry aur 400 Rs Without Helmet ka...
What a Feeling!
Ek bahut hi khubsoorat and sexy ladki doctor ke pass gayi aur boli: Doctor sahab mnere ko ajeeb si beemari hai.
Doctor: Kya?
Ladki: Main jab bhi cigarette peeti hun toh bada uncomfortable feel karti hun. Ek ajeeb si baichaini hoti hai. Jab mein pehla kash leti hoon toh apne shoes utaar deti hun, dusre kash mein socks, teesre kash mein shirt utaar deti hun, fourth kash mein apna lower, aur........
Doctor beech mein usko tokte hue bola: Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha, ek kaam karo ye lo cigarette ka packet aur aaram se pee kar batao.
Doctor: Kya?
Ladki: Main jab bhi cigarette peeti hun toh bada uncomfortable feel karti hun. Ek ajeeb si baichaini hoti hai. Jab mein pehla kash leti hoon toh apne shoes utaar deti hun, dusre kash mein socks, teesre kash mein shirt utaar deti hun, fourth kash mein apna lower, aur........
Doctor beech mein usko tokte hue bola: Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha, ek kaam karo ye lo cigarette ka packet aur aaram se pee kar batao.
Cheapest Contraceptive!
Santa bada dukhi sa hokar apne ek khaas Doctor dost ke pass jata hai aur apni samasya batata hai.
Santa: Yaar, koi sasta tareeka batao pregnency rokne ka.
Doctor: Condom lo.
Santa: Mahanga hai.
Doctor: Mala D lo.
Santa: Ye bhi mahangi hai.
Doctor: Nasbandi karwa lo.
Santa: Ye bhi kaafi mehnga hai.
Doctor, Gusse Se: Abe kamine, kanjoos kahnin ke, tum apni wife ke saath sex karna band kyun nahin kar dete?
Santa: Ye tarika toh paanch saal se try kar raha hoon phir bhi meri biwi pregnent ho jati hai.
Santa: Yaar, koi sasta tareeka batao pregnency rokne ka.
Doctor: Condom lo.
Santa: Mahanga hai.
Doctor: Mala D lo.
Santa: Ye bhi mahangi hai.
Doctor: Nasbandi karwa lo.
Santa: Ye bhi kaafi mehnga hai.
Doctor, Gusse Se: Abe kamine, kanjoos kahnin ke, tum apni wife ke saath sex karna band kyun nahin kar dete?
Santa: Ye tarika toh paanch saal se try kar raha hoon phir bhi meri biwi pregnent ho jati hai.
Innocent Tejpal!
Tejpal's defence:
She said, 'Lift!' Tarun lifted the skirt!
She said, 'Going Down?' Tarun promptly went down on her!
She said, 'Do Dabana!' Tarun ne daba diye!
My Lord, mera client exactly wohi kar raha tha joh so called victim usko keh rahi thi! Abb aap hi bataiye ismey Tarun ka kasoor kahan hai?
She said, 'Lift!' Tarun lifted the skirt!
She said, 'Going Down?' Tarun promptly went down on her!
She said, 'Do Dabana!' Tarun ne daba diye!
My Lord, mera client exactly wohi kar raha tha joh so called victim usko keh rahi thi! Abb aap hi bataiye ismey Tarun ka kasoor kahan hai?
Good News or Bad News?
Wife: Ek baat bolun???
Husband: Haan yaar, bolo...
Wife: Maaroge to nahi?
Husband: Kya bol rahi ho, kyun marunga bhala tumhe?
Wife: Daantoge bhin nahin....?
Husband: Bilkul nahin daantunga..., baat toh batao.
Wife: Main pregnant hun.
Husband: Hurray !!! Pagli kahin ki, it's a good news, darr kyun rahi thi???
Wife: College ke dino mein ek baar papa ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi...
Husband: Haan yaar, bolo...
Wife: Maaroge to nahi?
Husband: Kya bol rahi ho, kyun marunga bhala tumhe?
Wife: Daantoge bhin nahin....?
Husband: Bilkul nahin daantunga..., baat toh batao.
Wife: Main pregnant hun.
Husband: Hurray !!! Pagli kahin ki, it's a good news, darr kyun rahi thi???
Wife: College ke dino mein ek baar papa ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi...
Jab mein chota bachcha tha!
Jab mein chota bachcha tha tab:
PUSSY ka matlab CAT hota tha;
SEX ka matlab GENDER hota tha;
BITCH was a FEMALE DOG;
DICK ek cartton movie ka naam tha;
BANG was a SOUND;
RUBBER was nothin but an ERASER;
ASS was an ANIMAL;
SCREW was just a fixing TOOL;
HEAD ka matla SAR hota tha;
BALLS meant cricket balls, tennis balls, Volly Ball or FOOTBALL...;
NUTS meant DRYFRUITS;
and when I met you all, my friends... meri poore Education ki maa behen ho gayi!!!!
PUSSY ka matlab CAT hota tha;
SEX ka matlab GENDER hota tha;
BITCH was a FEMALE DOG;
DICK ek cartton movie ka naam tha;
BANG was a SOUND;
RUBBER was nothin but an ERASER;
ASS was an ANIMAL;
SCREW was just a fixing TOOL;
HEAD ka matla SAR hota tha;
BALLS meant cricket balls, tennis balls, Volly Ball or FOOTBALL...;
NUTS meant DRYFRUITS;
and when I met you all, my friends... meri poore Education ki maa behen ho gayi!!!!
Naughty Santa!
Boss was fucking a lady in his office, Santa walked in.
Santa: Wah Sir, akele akele!!! Humara number kab?
Boss: Agar March ka target pura nahi hua bhosdike to agala number tera hi hai.
Santa: Wah Sir, akele akele!!! Humara number kab?
Boss: Agar March ka target pura nahi hua bhosdike to agala number tera hi hai.
Biwi ho to aise!
Wife: Jaanu! Aaj tumhari girlfriend night stay karne aa rahi hai ! Maine
fridge mein beers and fresh fruit salad and bana ke rakha hai.
Room freshner side table par hai. Dotted condoms bed ke neeche hain.
Nahane ka soap, lime fragrance waala, aur new towel bhi nikaal ke rakh diya hai hai.
Main bachchon ko leker mummy ji ke yahan jaa rahi hoon, kal shaam tak aa jaungi. Program mein koi change ho toh inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi...!
Isko kahte hain - "Mungerilal ke haseen sapne...!!"
Room freshner side table par hai. Dotted condoms bed ke neeche hain.
Nahane ka soap, lime fragrance waala, aur new towel bhi nikaal ke rakh diya hai hai.
Main bachchon ko leker mummy ji ke yahan jaa rahi hoon, kal shaam tak aa jaungi. Program mein koi change ho toh inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi...!
Isko kahte hain - "Mungerilal ke haseen sapne...!!"
Sona kaise hai?
Ek baar ek aadmi apne padosi se charpai lene gaya.
Aadmi: Bhai saab, agar aap ke paas koi extra charpai hai toh please de dijiye, hamare ghar kuch guests aa gaye hain.
Padosi: Hamare pass 2 hi charpai hain. Ek per mein aur mera ptaji sote hain. Dusri per maa aur meri biwi...
Aadmi: Saalon, charpai mat do per sona to sikh lo...
Aadmi: Bhai saab, agar aap ke paas koi extra charpai hai toh please de dijiye, hamare ghar kuch guests aa gaye hain.
Padosi: Hamare pass 2 hi charpai hain. Ek per mein aur mera ptaji sote hain. Dusri per maa aur meri biwi...
Aadmi: Saalon, charpai mat do per sona to sikh lo...
Breast Size!
An HR manager got married. On the first night of their honey moon, on
seeing his wife nude for the first time, he was furious: Tumne mujhse
dhoka kiya!! You have cheated me!
The astounded but smart bride asks: Kaise? Kya dhokha diya hai maine?
The HR man shouts: Your Boobs are so small.... I definitely remember noticing their size when I met you at the engagement... they appeared to be much bigger...
The hitech bride replies, "Honey, what you saw and agreed upon was the CTC Package... but this is what you get in hand...
The astounded but smart bride asks: Kaise? Kya dhokha diya hai maine?
The HR man shouts: Your Boobs are so small.... I definitely remember noticing their size when I met you at the engagement... they appeared to be much bigger...
The hitech bride replies, "Honey, what you saw and agreed upon was the CTC Package... but this is what you get in hand...
Idli banane wala kapda
Ek din Banta apni wife Preeto ko khush karne ke liye idlis bana raha tha.
Wife: Arre wah darling, kya first-class idli bani hain. Ek baat batao tum itni achchi aur badi idlis kaise banate ho?
Banta: Oye, mere paas idli banane wala ek bada khaas type ka kapda hai. Yeh Dekho....
Wife: Haraamkhor yeh idli kapda nahin meri BRA hai....
Wife: Arre wah darling, kya first-class idli bani hain. Ek baat batao tum itni achchi aur badi idlis kaise banate ho?
Banta: Oye, mere paas idli banane wala ek bada khaas type ka kapda hai. Yeh Dekho....
Wife: Haraamkhor yeh idli kapda nahin meri BRA hai....
Life ho to aise!
Ek Ladki ki 5 Crore ki lottery nikli. Company ne socha achanak bataaya
to ladki khushi se mar sakti hai. Unhone us ladki ke best friend Tinku
ko ye kaam saunpa, to inform her in such a way so that she doesn't die
of shock.
Tinku went and started: Assume you get 1 Crore ki Lottery ? What will you do?
Ladki: I will strip Nude in front of you.
Tinku: Agar 2 Crore ki Nikle toh?
Ladki: You can fuck me as many times you want...
Tinku: Agar 5 Crore ki Lottery mile toh?
Ladki: I will suck your cock all day and night... You can fuck me in the back too. And moreover... I'll give you half the money...
Saala Tinku hi khushi se marr gaya...
Tinku went and started: Assume you get 1 Crore ki Lottery ? What will you do?
Ladki: I will strip Nude in front of you.
Tinku: Agar 2 Crore ki Nikle toh?
Ladki: You can fuck me as many times you want...
Tinku: Agar 5 Crore ki Lottery mile toh?
Ladki: I will suck your cock all day and night... You can fuck me in the back too. And moreover... I'll give you half the money...
Saala Tinku hi khushi se marr gaya...
Suck-sexful Eye Surgery
Eyes ke operation ke baad doctor ki fees bachane ke chakkar mein babu ji bole, "Doctor sahab mujhe kuch dikh nahin raha."
Doctor: Babu ji apni aankhien band kar lijiye aur phir dobara se dheere dheere kholiye."
Babu: Doctor sahab mujhe ab bhi kuch dikhai nahi de raha."
Doctor apni nurse ko Babu ji ke samne kapde utarne ke liye kehta hai.
Babu: "Mujhe kuch bhi nazar nahi aa raha."
Doctor apni nurse ko taange kholney ke liye kehta hai.
Babu: "Doctor sahab mujhe such mein kuch nahi nazar aa raha hai."
Doctor: "Abey chutiya samjha hai kya, kuch nazar nahi aa raha toh ye neeche erection kaise aur kyun ho rahi hai?"
Doctor: Babu ji apni aankhien band kar lijiye aur phir dobara se dheere dheere kholiye."
Babu: Doctor sahab mujhe ab bhi kuch dikhai nahi de raha."
Doctor apni nurse ko Babu ji ke samne kapde utarne ke liye kehta hai.
Babu: "Mujhe kuch bhi nazar nahi aa raha."
Doctor apni nurse ko taange kholney ke liye kehta hai.
Babu: "Doctor sahab mujhe such mein kuch nahi nazar aa raha hai."
Doctor: "Abey chutiya samjha hai kya, kuch nazar nahi aa raha toh ye neeche erection kaise aur kyun ho rahi hai?"
Safe Kiss!
Boy: Can I Kiss you?
Girl: Condom laye ho?
Boy: Kiss k liye condom???
Girl: Sharif to aise ban rahe ho jaise kissing ke bad jo Khada hoga uspe 2014 ka Calender tangoge!!!
Girl: Condom laye ho?
Boy: Kiss k liye condom???
Girl: Sharif to aise ban rahe ho jaise kissing ke bad jo Khada hoga uspe 2014 ka Calender tangoge!!!
For My Future Spouse
Boy: I want to be in a relationship.
Girl: It's okay but under one condition.
Boy: Which one ?
Girl : No sex, because I am preserving it for my future husband.
Boy: That's okay, I also have my condition.
Girl: Which one ?
Boy: No using of my money because I am preserving it for my future wife!!!
Girl: Lo tum toh serious ho gaye... Arre I was kidding jaanu...
Girl: It's okay but under one condition.
Boy: Which one ?
Girl : No sex, because I am preserving it for my future husband.
Boy: That's okay, I also have my condition.
Girl: Which one ?
Boy: No using of my money because I am preserving it for my future wife!!!
Girl: Lo tum toh serious ho gaye... Arre I was kidding jaanu...
God Morning SMS
You can`t control the length of your life...
but you can control the width and depth.
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
Mistakes increse your experiance;
And experiance decrease your mistakes.
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
No one is happy but everyone is born with
ability to create happiness.
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
God opens billions of flowers without forcing the buds,
It reminds us not to force anything happen at the right time.
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
Comparison is the best way to judge our progress:
One should care not to compare with others;
But one should compare our yesterday with our today:
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
For sucess in life:
Be sweet as honey:
Be regular as clock:
Be fresh as rose:
Be soft as tissue;And be strong as rock:
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
Life is too short to spend the time
with people who suck the happiness out of you.
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
There is nothing more attractive than confidence.
Once you see your own beauty, so will everyone else.
GOOD MORNING!
Soniac Boom
Sonic Boom: Photo captured at the exact moment when this aircraft broke the sound barrier..
Good Morning SMS
If you tell th e truth it becomes a part of your past;
But if you lie it becomes a part of your future.
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
Don`t think of the things you didn`t get after praying.
Think of the countless bounties and blessings bestowed
on you by God.. even without your asking!
GOOD MORNING!
Good Morning SMS
To believe in the things you can see and touch is no belief at all;
But to believe in the unseen is both a triumph and a blessing.
GOOD MORNING!
Holi SMS
The colour:
Red symbolizes action, confidence, courage and vitality;
Green symbolizes life, nature, fertility and well-being;
Blue symbolizes youth, spirituality, truth and peace.
May God wet you with all the above colours in right proportions during this festival of Holi to lead a balanced life!
Happy Holi!
Red symbolizes action, confidence, courage and vitality;
Green symbolizes life, nature, fertility and well-being;
Blue symbolizes youth, spirituality, truth and peace.
May God wet you with all the above colours in right proportions during this festival of Holi to lead a balanced life!
Happy Holi!
Holi SMS
Saade rang ko galti se aap naa kora samjho,
Isi mey samaaye indradhanushi saaton rang,
Jo dikhe aapko zindagi saadagi bhari kisi ki,
To aap yun samjho satrangi hai duniya usiki,
Holi aayi satrangi rango ki bouchar laayi,
Dher saari mithai aur mitha mitha pyar laayi,
Aap ki zindagi ho mithe pyar aur khusiyon se bhari,
Jisme samaaye saaton rang yahi shubhkamna hai hamaari.
Happy Holi
Isi mey samaaye indradhanushi saaton rang,
Jo dikhe aapko zindagi saadagi bhari kisi ki,
To aap yun samjho satrangi hai duniya usiki,
Holi aayi satrangi rango ki bouchar laayi,
Dher saari mithai aur mitha mitha pyar laayi,
Aap ki zindagi ho mithe pyar aur khusiyon se bhari,
Jisme samaaye saaton rang yahi shubhkamna hai hamaari.
Happy Holi
Holi SMS
May God bless you with all the beautiful colours of life:
Pink for Love and Beauty;
Red for Courage and Vitality;
Yellow for Joy and Happiness;
Blue for Spirituality and Peace;
Gold for Prosperity and Wisdom;
Green for Fertility and Well-being;
And White for Purity and Cleanliness!
Have a colourful Holi!
Pink for Love and Beauty;
Red for Courage and Vitality;
Yellow for Joy and Happiness;
Blue for Spirituality and Peace;
Gold for Prosperity and Wisdom;
Green for Fertility and Well-being;
And White for Purity and Cleanliness!
Have a colourful Holi!
Rumours about Apple iPhone 6
Apple usually every year launches a new smartphone and this time many expects its upcoming device will be named as iPhone 6. The web world is already quite abuzz with news of the purported Apple iPhone 6.
We have here summarised all these rumours that you should know about the upcoming iPhone model.
How to Make a Man/Women Happy?
How to Make a man happy:
1. Feed him.
2. Sleep with him.
3. Leave him with peace.
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs).
5. Don't bother him with his movements.
So whats so hard about that?
How to make a woman happy:
It's really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needsto be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef.
8. An electrician.
9. A plumber.
10. A mechanic.
11. A carpenter.
12. A decorator.
13. A stylist.
14. A sexologist.
1. Feed him.
2. Sleep with him.
3. Leave him with peace.
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs).
5. Don't bother him with his movements.
So whats so hard about that?
How to make a woman happy:
It's really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needsto be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef.
8. An electrician.
9. A plumber.
10. A mechanic.
11. A carpenter.
12. A decorator.
13. A stylist.
14. A sexologist.
New Courses available for Men & Women!
Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
Topic 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
Topic 5. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
Topic 6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging.
Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
Topic 8. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
Topic 9. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have.
Topic 10. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both.
Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
Topic 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
Topic 5. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
Topic 6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging.
Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
Topic 8. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
Topic 9. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have.
Topic 10. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both.
Wedding speech from Modern Girl to her in laws!
My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house...
Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines...
Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it... Those cooking must keep cooking... Those cleaning must keep cleaning... I'll not disturb anybody's routine...
So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only to:
Eat BUN,
Have FUN and
Entertain yiur SON!!!
Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines...
Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it... Those cooking must keep cooking... Those cleaning must keep cleaning... I'll not disturb anybody's routine...
So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only to:
Eat BUN,
Have FUN and
Entertain yiur SON!!!
Uncle Tom`s Advice!
Hi Uncle Tom,
I am a lady aged 26, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just about 2 km from home & my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car, when I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid, I don't know what to do now please help me.
From Anonymous
Uncle Tom's Reply:
Dear Anonymous,
Over heating of the engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator, you need to check the oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey, you must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future hope this helps.
I am a lady aged 26, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just about 2 km from home & my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car, when I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid, I don't know what to do now please help me.
From Anonymous
Uncle Tom's Reply:
Dear Anonymous,
Over heating of the engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator, you need to check the oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey, you must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future hope this helps.
Nirupa Roy Trending Jokes!
After Rajinikanth, Alok Nath, Arvind Kejriwal, veteran actress Nirupa
Roy is the favourite troll topic for Twitterati. From her tragic roles
in Bollywood movies to the various kinds of sons she has had on-screen
to her ever-crying image, jokes abound on all aspects of her silver
screen image.
1. Nirupa Roy's laptop has got WIDOW-XP installed.
2. Nirupa Roy can instantly cry on a joke.
3. Nirupa Roy's laughing mms goes viral...she claims it's doctored.
4. Nirupa Roy has 6 sons. All of them are named Vijay.
5. After Nirupa Roy's first marriage, her father said by mistake: "Sada abhaagan raho!"
6. Cannes to roll out white carpet for Nirupa Roy's welcome.
7. Nirupa Roy's most horrifying nightmare: she saw that she was young!!
8. Nirupa Roy's most romantic moment: when her husband gave her flowers for the first time...on Mother's Day.
9. Nirupa Roy's daughter doesn't talk to her anymore as she tried to name her 'Vijay' when she was born.
10. Nirupa Roy has 73 shades of white in her wardrobe collection.
11. Nirupa Roy to play lead role in upcoming movie 'Hasee To Phasee'.
12. Nirupa Roy dragged Johnson & Johnson to court over the "No more tears" campaign.
13. Nirupa Roy plays Holi with sindoor.
14. Nirupa Roy's Whatsapp status says: "Last cried at..."
15. Nirupa Roy was once approached for a comedy movie. That casting director lost his job.
16. CRY Foundation has offered Nirupa Roy to become its brand ambassador.
17. Nirupa Roy sends Weepeys instead of Smileys.
18. Nirupa Roy looks for her groom in Obituary columns.
19. Nirupa Roy still thinks Draupadi's 'Cheerharan' was a wardrobe malfunction.
20. When Nirupa Roy cuts an Onion the Onion starts crying.
21. Nirupa Roy provided 700 liters of free water per family through her tear ducts long before Kejriwal thought.
22. All ophthalmology textbooks have chapters dedicated to Nirupa Roy's different types of blindness and their corrective operations.
23. Mumbai police is not registering complaint of Nirupa Roy as they are confident that her kids will be back after 18 years.
24. Nirupa Roy use 'Internet Explorer' because it makes people cry.
1. Nirupa Roy's laptop has got WIDOW-XP installed.
2. Nirupa Roy can instantly cry on a joke.
3. Nirupa Roy's laughing mms goes viral...she claims it's doctored.
4. Nirupa Roy has 6 sons. All of them are named Vijay.
5. After Nirupa Roy's first marriage, her father said by mistake: "Sada abhaagan raho!"
6. Cannes to roll out white carpet for Nirupa Roy's welcome.
7. Nirupa Roy's most horrifying nightmare: she saw that she was young!!
8. Nirupa Roy's most romantic moment: when her husband gave her flowers for the first time...on Mother's Day.
9. Nirupa Roy's daughter doesn't talk to her anymore as she tried to name her 'Vijay' when she was born.
10. Nirupa Roy has 73 shades of white in her wardrobe collection.
11. Nirupa Roy to play lead role in upcoming movie 'Hasee To Phasee'.
12. Nirupa Roy dragged Johnson & Johnson to court over the "No more tears" campaign.
13. Nirupa Roy plays Holi with sindoor.
14. Nirupa Roy's Whatsapp status says: "Last cried at..."
15. Nirupa Roy was once approached for a comedy movie. That casting director lost his job.
16. CRY Foundation has offered Nirupa Roy to become its brand ambassador.
17. Nirupa Roy sends Weepeys instead of Smileys.
18. Nirupa Roy looks for her groom in Obituary columns.
19. Nirupa Roy still thinks Draupadi's 'Cheerharan' was a wardrobe malfunction.
20. When Nirupa Roy cuts an Onion the Onion starts crying.
21. Nirupa Roy provided 700 liters of free water per family through her tear ducts long before Kejriwal thought.
22. All ophthalmology textbooks have chapters dedicated to Nirupa Roy's different types of blindness and their corrective operations.
23. Mumbai police is not registering complaint of Nirupa Roy as they are confident that her kids will be back after 18 years.
24. Nirupa Roy use 'Internet Explorer' because it makes people cry.
Arvind Kejriwal Trending Jokes!
It all started with CID...
then came RAJiNIKANTH...
next was ALOKNATH...
Now It's Arvind Kejriwal...
Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him, Do I look fat?
Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party, he calls the cops at 10 pm.
Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate.
Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he always removes USB safely.
Kejriwal is so honest that, when he finds the bomb, he returns it to the terrorist.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he got his wife's brother arrested for stealing his shoes during his marriage ceremony.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he cooks maggie only for 2 minutes.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he actually "Rolls On The Floor laughing" when he texts ROF.
then came RAJiNIKANTH...
next was ALOKNATH...
Now It's Arvind Kejriwal...
Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him, Do I look fat?
Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party, he calls the cops at 10 pm.
Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate.
Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he always removes USB safely.
Kejriwal is so honest that, when he finds the bomb, he returns it to the terrorist.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he got his wife's brother arrested for stealing his shoes during his marriage ceremony.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he cooks maggie only for 2 minutes.
Kejriwal is so honest that, he actually "Rolls On The Floor laughing" when he texts ROF.
Is Wi-fi or Wi-fe?
A Pakistani tourist walks in to a top of the line hotel in Dubai and orders a top floor suite.
The next day he approaches the receptionist with angry and unpleasant expression, he asked her:
You said their will be a free wife in every room why I have not got mine.
The receptionist says, "It is Wi-Fi sir, not wife."
The next day he approaches the receptionist with angry and unpleasant expression, he asked her:
You said their will be a free wife in every room why I have not got mine.
The receptionist says, "It is Wi-Fi sir, not wife."
Secret of a Happy Marriage Life!
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared
everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets
from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the
top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or
ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
Tension Generating Letter!
Which is the most dangerous Alphabet?
Answer is 'W'.
All the worries get initiated with 'W'...
Who
Why
What
When
Which
Whom
Where
War
Wine
Whisky
Wealth
Work
Worries
Woman
& finally, believe it or not WIFE.
Answer is 'W'.
All the worries get initiated with 'W'...
Who
Why
What
When
Which
Whom
Where
War
Wine
Whisky
Wealth
Work
Worries
Woman
& finally, believe it or not WIFE.
Career story of an army officer!
An Officer was rewarded a bicycle by his Commanding Officer for a job
well done. It was a beautiful cycle but didn't have a carrier at the
back.
He requested his Orderly to get it fixed. When the cycle came back with the carrier fitted, he noticed that now the stand is missing. He asked about the missing stand.
The Orderly replied, "CO Sahib ke paas gaya toh unhone carrier toh sanction kar diya par stand nikaalne ke liye hukam diya..."
Youngster went up to the Old Man and asked for the reason for this order.
The CO replied, "Lesson for you, Young man, Fauj Mein Ek Cheez Hi Possible Hai... CAREER Ya STAND... Agar STAND Loge Toh CAREER Khatam Aur Agar CAREER Banana Hai Toh Kabhi... STAND Mat Lena... make your choice."
He requested his Orderly to get it fixed. When the cycle came back with the carrier fitted, he noticed that now the stand is missing. He asked about the missing stand.
The Orderly replied, "CO Sahib ke paas gaya toh unhone carrier toh sanction kar diya par stand nikaalne ke liye hukam diya..."
Youngster went up to the Old Man and asked for the reason for this order.
The CO replied, "Lesson for you, Young man, Fauj Mein Ek Cheez Hi Possible Hai... CAREER Ya STAND... Agar STAND Loge Toh CAREER Khatam Aur Agar CAREER Banana Hai Toh Kabhi... STAND Mat Lena... make your choice."
Pyar Ka Panchnama!
Ek din khuda ne mujhse kaha: "Mat kar intezar is janam mein uska, Milna mushkil hai.
Maine bhi keh diya: "Lene de maza intezar ka, agle janam mein to mumkin hai."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtayega."
Muskura ke maine kaha: "Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe tadpayega."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Bhool ja use, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata hu." Maine kaha: "Aa neeche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulvata hu.
Gusse mein khuda ne kaha: "Mat bhool apni aukaat tu to ek insaan hai." Haas kar Maine kaha: "Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi Bhagwan hai."
Phir khuda ne guuse mein uski mujhse shadi kara di. Sab bhoot utar gaya.
Maine bhi keh diya: "Lene de maza intezar ka, agle janam mein to mumkin hai."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtayega."
Muskura ke maine kaha: "Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe tadpayega."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Bhool ja use, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata hu." Maine kaha: "Aa neeche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulvata hu.
Gusse mein khuda ne kaha: "Mat bhool apni aukaat tu to ek insaan hai." Haas kar Maine kaha: "Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi Bhagwan hai."
Phir khuda ne guuse mein uski mujhse shadi kara di. Sab bhoot utar gaya.
Facebook vs WhatsApp!
Husband-Wife's Facebook and WhatsApp life...
On 'WhatsApp'
Wife: Ghar kab aa rahe ho???
Husband: Pata nahi dimaag mat khao... bahut kaam hai aaj...
On 'Facebook'
Wife: Dear when will you be back... you are the best husband in the world... miss you!!! Come back soon.
Husband: Thanks for being there always... so lucky to have a wonderful wife like you!!! Will be back soon honey.
On 'WhatsApp'
Wife: Ghar kab aa rahe ho???
Husband: Pata nahi dimaag mat khao... bahut kaam hai aaj...
On 'Facebook'
Wife: Dear when will you be back... you are the best husband in the world... miss you!!! Come back soon.
Husband: Thanks for being there always... so lucky to have a wonderful wife like you!!! Will be back soon honey.
Killing a Lion in different mobile operator Stlye!
Vodafone Method:
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectation, never ask him to do any hard work for 3 months. After 3 months tell him that now you have to fulfill your yearly target within 9 months. Otherwise you will be kicked out from the jungle. Lion dies due to fear, that if he loses this "lazy animals jungle", where will he go.
Reliance Method:
Hire a lion. Give him hell lot of work and pay him fat salary more than industry. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, location every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.
Tata Method:
Hire a lion and give him the post of a cat, ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.
Airtel Method:
Hire a lion and ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a 40kg goat. Lion dies out of strain.
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectation, never ask him to do any hard work for 3 months. After 3 months tell him that now you have to fulfill your yearly target within 9 months. Otherwise you will be kicked out from the jungle. Lion dies due to fear, that if he loses this "lazy animals jungle", where will he go.
Reliance Method:
Hire a lion. Give him hell lot of work and pay him fat salary more than industry. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, location every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.
Tata Method:
Hire a lion and give him the post of a cat, ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.
Airtel Method:
Hire a lion and ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a 40kg goat. Lion dies out of strain.
Why Ambulance is White in Colour?
Question: Why Ambulance is White in Colour? (15 marks)
Ans: Ambulance has Oxygen cylinder.
Oxygen is a Gas, and Gas is used 4 cooking Food.
Food is source of Vitamins, and we get Vit-D from the Sun.
Sun produces Light; and Light comes from bulbs. Small Bulbs are used to decorate Christmas tree... Christmas means Gifts, and Gifts are given by Santa.
Santa lives in North Pole, and North Pole is the house of Polar Bears.
Polar Bears are White... That's why Ambulance is White...
Do not play with Engineering students feelings. We can write anything for good marks.
Ans: Ambulance has Oxygen cylinder.
Oxygen is a Gas, and Gas is used 4 cooking Food.
Food is source of Vitamins, and we get Vit-D from the Sun.
Sun produces Light; and Light comes from bulbs. Small Bulbs are used to decorate Christmas tree... Christmas means Gifts, and Gifts are given by Santa.
Santa lives in North Pole, and North Pole is the house of Polar Bears.
Polar Bears are White... That's why Ambulance is White...
Do not play with Engineering students feelings. We can write anything for good marks.
WhatsApp Kahani!
Doctor, pagal se: Ye kya hai?
Pagal: Ye maine 500 panno ki kitab likhi hai...
Doctor: Tumne 500 panno pe kya likha?
Pagal: 1st page pe likha hai Ek Raja ghode par baith ke jungal ki taraf chala, aur akhri page pe likha ke wo Raja jungle pahunch gaya.
Doctor: To Kaminey beech ke 498 panno pe kya likha???
Pagal: Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Doctor: Teri ye kahani padhega kaun ?
Pagal: WhatsApp par rakh dunga, mere jaise log juroor padhenge.
Pagal: Ye maine 500 panno ki kitab likhi hai...
Doctor: Tumne 500 panno pe kya likha?
Pagal: 1st page pe likha hai Ek Raja ghode par baith ke jungal ki taraf chala, aur akhri page pe likha ke wo Raja jungle pahunch gaya.
Doctor: To Kaminey beech ke 498 panno pe kya likha???
Pagal: Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Doctor: Teri ye kahani padhega kaun ?
Pagal: WhatsApp par rakh dunga, mere jaise log juroor padhenge.
Unique Indians!
1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.
2. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door and the females run for their dupatta. So, keep ur friends close but your dupatta closer.
3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport/railway stn) is an important family affair. Railway stns are like a stroll in the park.
4. Every teenage girls first crush is Dhoni or Virat Kholi. Mothers approve!! Mothers dont approve film stars though!
5. We thrive on street food and we dont get sick.
6. Every indian mother has 2 careers... working/housewife + Match making.
7. We have all had secret boyfriends/girlfriends. We dint care about them cheating on us but we dreaded getting caught by each others parents.
8. Indian girls have 3 type of brothers.... Real brother, cousin brother, Rakhee brother. Every indian guy is definitely somebodys rakhee brother!
9. The bride MUST cry at her Vidai. A bride has no business looking happy.
10. We go on cleaning sprees only during diwali/Christmas or when we have guests coming over.
11. However old we are, our parenrs need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses. No exemption.
12. When indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12. Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!
13. If we live in another city and dont call our mom daily , she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.
14. We get embarrassed in front of our parents even when the word "sex" is written on a form to specify gender.
15. No other nationality can beat indians in bargaining. "Chalo bhaiya . Na tera na mera. Itne paise theek hain."
16. No matter if we are Convent educated. When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, Hindi swear words.
16. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.
17. Why to change the remote batteries when u can just slap the shit out of the remote and make it work?
18. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.
2. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door and the females run for their dupatta. So, keep ur friends close but your dupatta closer.
3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport/railway stn) is an important family affair. Railway stns are like a stroll in the park.
4. Every teenage girls first crush is Dhoni or Virat Kholi. Mothers approve!! Mothers dont approve film stars though!
5. We thrive on street food and we dont get sick.
6. Every indian mother has 2 careers... working/housewife + Match making.
7. We have all had secret boyfriends/girlfriends. We dint care about them cheating on us but we dreaded getting caught by each others parents.
8. Indian girls have 3 type of brothers.... Real brother, cousin brother, Rakhee brother. Every indian guy is definitely somebodys rakhee brother!
9. The bride MUST cry at her Vidai. A bride has no business looking happy.
10. We go on cleaning sprees only during diwali/Christmas or when we have guests coming over.
11. However old we are, our parenrs need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses. No exemption.
12. When indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12. Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!
13. If we live in another city and dont call our mom daily , she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.
14. We get embarrassed in front of our parents even when the word "sex" is written on a form to specify gender.
15. No other nationality can beat indians in bargaining. "Chalo bhaiya . Na tera na mera. Itne paise theek hain."
16. No matter if we are Convent educated. When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, Hindi swear words.
16. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.
17. Why to change the remote batteries when u can just slap the shit out of the remote and make it work?
18. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.
Three simple rules in Life!
Three Simple Rules in Life :
1. If you do not go after what
you want, you will never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will
always be NO.
3. If you do not step forward,
you’ll always be in the same place.
- See more at: http://www.funinventors.com/2014/03/three-simple-rules-in-life-quotes.html#sthash.WNXra7mu.dpuf
Three Simple Rules in Life :
1. If you do not go after what
you want, you will never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will
always be NO.
3. If you do not step forward,
you’ll always be in the same place.
- See more at: http://www.funinventors.com/2014/03/three-simple-rules-in-life-quotes.html#sthash.WNXra7mu.dpuf
Three Simple Rules in Life :
1. If you do not go after what
you want, you will never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will
always be NO.
3. If you do not step forward,
you’ll always be in the same place.
- See more at: http://www.funinventors.com/2014/03/three-simple-rules-in-life-quotes.html#sthash.WNXra7mu.dpuf
1. If you do not go after what
you want, you will never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will
always be NO.
3. If you do not step forward,
you’ll always be in the same place.
- See more at: http://www.funinventors.com/2014/03/three-simple-rules-in-life-quotes.html#sthash.WNXra7mu.dpuf
Three Simple Rules in Life :
1. If you do not go after what
you want, you will never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will
always be NO.
3. If you do not step forward,
you’ll always be in the same place.
- See more at: http://www.funinventors.com/2014/03/three-simple-rules-in-life-quotes.html#sthash.WNXra7mu.dpuf
Three Simple Rules in Life :
1. If you do not go after what
you want, you will never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will
always be NO.
3. If you do not step forward,
you’ll always be in the same place.
- See more at: http://www.funinventors.com/2014/03/three-simple-rules-in-life-quotes.html#sthash.WNXra7mu.dpuf
Time For Dharna!
 |
Leo Di Caprio joins Aam Aadmi party after being ditched again, asks for SIT probe in #Oscars2014 |
Give that man an Umbrella
 |
| He Is Trying To Block The Sun With His Hand While Wearing Sunglasses On His Cap. ROFL!! |
