A male patient is lying in bed at a hospital with an oxygen mask over his face and still heavily sedated from more than four hours of operation. A young female nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
Patient: “Nurse” (he feebly mumbles from behind the mask) “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed young nurse: “I don’t know, I’m only here to washyour hands and feet.”
Patient (struggles again to ask): “Nurse, Please, Are my testicles black?”
Finally, she removes his covers, lifts his gown, takes a close look and says: “There is nothing wrong with them!”
Patient (slowly after removing his oxygen mask): “That was very nice but listen very, closely – ARE…MY…TEST…RES ­ULTS…BACK?”

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A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks"well, anything else?" "We have anequestrian Barbie, and she's $28".
Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"
The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive.
The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."

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Barbie

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks"well, anything else?" "We have anequestrian Barbie, and she's $28".
Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"
The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive.
The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."

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your problem is our problem

Akpos : honey, i'm having a problem at my work place ?..
Wife : point of correction do not use MY instead use OUR, because your problem is our problem.
Akpos : ok, we are having a problem in OUR work place.
Wife : what is OUR problem ?.
Akpos : hmm.. OUR secretary is pregnant for US..
Wife : yeepaa. fainted

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God to pappu :--
Beta kya chahiye?
.
.
.
Pappu :-
1 job,
badi si gadi,
Aur dher sari ladkiya.
.
.
.
God:Tathastu
.
.
.
.
"Aaj pappu girls school mein
bus driver hai"

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Aurat :- Mera Shohar Ghar Aatey Hi
Mujhy
Maarna Peetna Shuru Kar Dete
Hain,
.
.
Pappu Baba :- Woh Jaise Hi Ghar Aayen
To Tum ye
''TAWEEZ''apne Daant ke Neechey
Dabaa Lena,
.
After 5 days ~
.
Baba Ji Taweez Daant ke Neechey
Dabane Ka
Itna Faida Hua k Ab
Woh Mujhe Kuch Nahi Kehta hai.
Pappu Baba :-Yeh Faida Taweez ka Nahi ,
apni Zubaan Band Rakhne ka
Hai... :D

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IN 2020

Maa Ne Pappu Ke Jyada T.V. Dekhne Se Ek Din Pareshan Aakar Usko Bola
“Tu Hamesha Tv Kyun Dekhta Rehta Hai ?”
.
.
.Pappu Haste Hue Bola: “To Kya Fridge Dekhu?“

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IN 2020

Girl:"Dekh yar kya item jaa raha hai..
Oye
Murgey Tera mobile No.. Kya hai..??
.
.
.
.
Boy:"Aap ke ghar me baap, bhai nai hai kya.. ??
.
.
.
Girl:"baap n bhai sab hai,
par tu nai hai na chikne...:p

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Wife-Tum To Kehte The K Shadi K Bad B Mujse Bahut Pyar Kroge
.
.
.Husband-Muje Kya Pata Tha K Tumari Shadi Mujse Hi Ho Jyegi.

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They were walking by and saw a sign for a helicopter tour

The man turns to his wife and says,"What do you think, honey? Want to give it a try? It's only fifteen dollars" "I don't think so, dear." She replies. "We just got married and don't have a whole lot of money and fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars."
the same couple after decades later the couple returns the mountains, and again pass the sign for a helicopter tour. The man turns to his wife and says,"What do you think honey? Want to give it a try? It's only fifteen dollars?" "I don't think so, dear." She replied. "We've got two children in college, money is tight and fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars."
More decades pass and the coupleare now elderly and visiting the mountains again for their anniversary and again pass the sign for a helicopter tour. The man turns to his wife and says,"What do you think, honey? Want to give it a try? It's only fifteen dollars." "I don't think so, dear." She replies. "We're living on social security now, so money is tight and fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars."
The owner of the tours overhears their conversation and says, "I tell ya what. I'll let you go for free, butif you make any kind of sound, you've gotta pay full price." So they go and the pilot does all he can to make the couple make some kind of sound, turning the helicopter this way and that but he never hears a sound.
After they land he said to the husband, "I tried everything I could to get you guys to make some kind of sound, but you didn't and so the ride was free." The man replies, "Well, I thought about saying something when Mildred fell out but fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars."

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3 Bullets

There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat. He had an old rifle and three bullets. So, he decided that he would go out hunting and kill some wild animals for dinner.
As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit. He shot at the rabbit and missed it.
The rabbit ran away.
Then he saw a squirrel and fired ashot at the squirrel and missed it. The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cotton wood tree.
As he went further, he saw a largewild turkey up in a tree, but he had only one bullet remaining. A voice spoke to him and said, “Prayfirst, aim high and stay focused.”
However, at the same time, he saw a deer which would provide more meat than the turkey. He brought the gun down and aimedat the deer. But, then he saw a rattle snake between his legs about to bite him, so he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot the rattle snake.
Still, the voice again said to him, “Prayfirst, aim high and stay focused.”
So, the man decided to listen to God’s voice. He prayed, then aimed the gun high up in the tree,and shot the wild turkey. The bullet went into the turkey, deflected off a bone and hit the deer, killing it. When the gun fired,it knocked the man off balance, he stepped on the rattle snake’ s head which killed it and fell backwards into a pond.
When he stood up to look around,he had fish in all his pockets, a deer and a turkey with which to feed his family. The snake was dead simply because the man listened to God.
Moral of the story:- Keep God first andeverything else will follow.
Pray first before you do anything. Aimhigh in your goals, and stay focused on God. Never let people or things discourage you concerning your past. Do not look to man for your blessings, but look only to God.

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Big Boobs vs. Little Boobs

유 Women with Big Boobs... ▷
✔can get a taxi on the worst days
✔have men give them the best seats
on a bus.
✔have a neat place to carry spare
change
✔have always been the center of
the arts (art)
✔make jogging a spectator sport
✔can keep a magazine dry while
laying in the tub
✔have more negotiating power
(with men shorter than them)
✔usually can find leftover popcorn
after a movie
✔can always carry a little extra
cash
✔always float better
✔know where to look first for lost
earrings
✔rarely lack for a slow dance
partner
✔have a place to set their glasses
when sitting in an armless recliner
✔never have to buy a car with
airbags
웃 Women with Little Boobs... ▹
✔don't cause a traffic accident
every time they bend over in public
✔always look younger
✔find that dribbled food makes it
to the napkin on their lap
✔can always see their toes and
shoes
✔can sleep on their stomachs
✔have no trouble sliding behind the
wheel of small cars
✔know that people can read the
entire message on their T-shirts
✔know that everything more than a
handful is wasted
✔can come late to a theater and not
disrupt an entire aisle
✔can take aerobic class without
running the risk of knocking
themselves out
✔never be accused of having
implants.

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Ek time meri girlfrind ne mujhe apne ghar bulaya..

Me ghar paucha or bell bajai,
Uski choti sister ne darwaza khola,
Wo bahut sundar thi,
Muskura k boli ap bahut smart ho,
Abhi ghar pr koi nhi he.
Mai akeli hu,Mai muskraya Or,
Apni bike ki taraf wapas janelaga,
To uski puri family ghar se bahar aa gai or,
Meri sharafat ki tarif karte hue,
Mujhe gale lagaya or kaha,
Hum ko rishta manzur he.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Ab mai kya batau?
Ke Mai to bike ke toolbox me CONDOM lene gaya tha..:-D

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Condom slogan

Don't let your affection give her an infection, put some protection on that erection.

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Pehli Baar Jija shaadi ke baad sasural aaya...

Biwi ki choti behen khidki se dekhke boli: Lo Aa Gaya behanchod...
Maa : Aisa nahi kehte...
Wo boli: Rishta Wahi Soch Nayi....

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Ek baar class main inspection hoti hain..

Headmaster sahib aate hain....... Sawaal karna shuru!
Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"?
Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!!
Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi', Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain 'GAAND phat gayi', thoda chalna pad jaye'GAAND phatgayi', Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi', Homework karana ho'GAAND phat gayi'
Headmaster ko gussa to aata hainlekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain to woh kuch nahin kehta.. phir sawaal karta hain
Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke, Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to woh Doli ke time roti kyonhain"
Phir koi jawaab nahin deta......maste ­r phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko kehta hain.
Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR AAPKI KOI 400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO RONA NAHIN AAYEGA?
Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin kehta. Master phir sawaal karata hain
Headmaster: " Acha bachoo agar main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge"
Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe, koi kehta hain mooh main, koi kehta hain pet main. koi kehta hain kaan pe.....
Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir khada karta hain
Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh haat ki badi wali ungli main lagawaoonga"
Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku"
Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa kaun sa kida aapki gand main Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal mujhe hi pooch raha hai..

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Height of Misunderstanding...

A Canadian guy, American guy, a ugly woman and gorgeous woman are sitting in opposing seats on a train. After some initial introductions of where they're from and where they're going, they settle in to do their own thing and basically ignore each other.
Some time later, the train enters a tunel and all goes black, then suddenly they hear a big slap. As the train exits the tunnel there's the American with the side of his face all red wearing a look of shock.
In the mind of the ugly woman,"That American tried to grope the gorgeous girl and she slapped him!"
In the mind of the gorgeous woman, "That American tried to grope me, but got the ugly woman instead and she slapped him!"
In the mind of the American, "ThatCanadian tried to grope the gorgeous woman and she tried toslap him but got me instead!"
In the mind of the Canadian, "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap that American again"

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The reason why I got Divorced..

Last week I had my birthday, My wife didn't wish me, My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work, Even my colleagues didn't wish me..
As I entered my cabin my secretary said," Happy Birthday Boss" I felt so special, She asked me out to lunch.
After lunch,she invited me to her apartment.
WE went there,
She said in a sexy voice,"Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay", I said nervously
She came out 5 min later with a cake and My Wife, My Parents, My Kids, My Friends and My Colleagues...
All Screaming, SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
And I was waiting on the sofa....... NAKED!

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Blunder in Restroom...

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW.warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed thePP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent
of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

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What do I look like?

A woman was trying to do her laundry one day, when her washing machine suddenly broke down. Distraught, she called her husband at the office and said,"Honey, can you please come home and fix the washing machine? It doesn't work." The angry husband replied, "What do I look like? The freakin? Maytag man?" and hung up. The woman decided to go to the Laundromat to complete her washing. She got in the car, but when she turned the key in the ignition, it wouldn't start.
She again called her husband at work and said, "Honey, I tried to go to the Laundromat with the car, but it wouldn't start. Can you come home and take a look at it?"Again, the angry husband snaps,"What do I look like? Freakin? Mr. Goodwrench?" and hung up. She decided that the best thing to do is call the Maytag man. The Maytagman arrived and fixed the washing machine. She then asked him if he knows anything about fixing cars. He replied that he knows a little and goes outside and takes a look under the hood.
Ten minutes later, he returned and said, "Your car is running fine now. The only thing wrong was your fuel filter was a little dirty." The lady said, "Wow, you're a pretty handy guy! How much will this all cost?" The Maytag man says, "I'll tell ya what, lady. You can bake me a cake or have sex with me - your choice." Later that evening, the husband returned home from work. The lady explained to her husband that the Maytag man fixed the washing machine and the car. The husband asked how much all of this will cost. She replied that he wanted me to bake a cake for him or have sex. The husband then said "Well, what kind of cake did you bake for him?" The lady said,"What do I look like? Freakin? Betty Crocker?":)

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Some things you just can't explain..

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got thebucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm..." the man said and nodded his head.
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain.

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Bob joins a very exclusive nudists colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"
She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her andhappily lets him have his way withher.!!
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steamtowards him.
The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"
The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."
The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smilingnaked receptionist: "May I help you?"
Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities.....
"Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day..!!!"

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A man and his Girlfriend..

A Married Man Was Visiting His “Girlfriend” When She Requested That He Shave His Beard.
“Oh James, I Like Your Beard, But I Would Really Love To See Your Handsome Face.”
James Replied, “My Wife Loves This Beard, I Couldn’t Possibly Do It, She Would Kill Me”
“Oh Please?” The Girlfriend Asked Again, In A Sexy Little Voice…
“Oh Really, I Can’t,” He Replies…”My Wife Loves This Beard!!”
The Girlfriend Asked Once More, And He Sighs And Finally Gives In.
That Night James Crawls Into Bed With His Wife While She Was Sleeping.
The Wife Is Awakened Somewhat, Feels His Face And Replies “Oh Michael, You Shouldn’t Be Here, My Husband Will Be Home Soon“

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Jack Betty Love story

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask sucha question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here,to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't havea more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?":)

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How much do you love me?

Husband : I love U so much, I can't measure.
Wife : No just tell me....
Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, i am nothing without you...
Wife : Wow ! that's so romantic...
Husband (saying to himself): Thank God she doesn't know, this is a Chinese phone, with FOUR sim cards

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Hathi ki bike bigad gayi,
.
.
Chiti ne use scooty par lift di,
.
.
Raste me chiti ne kaha
.
.
.
.
"Thoda Niche Jhuk Kar Baith Na
Dad Ne Dekh Liya To Bawal Ho
Jayega"..:p

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Shortest Joke

Girl : Fuck you ~:)
Guy : Promise kar :*

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2025 me Apko Customer Care
Ke Msg Is Prakar Aayenge..:p :D
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dear customer,
Your wife can become a mother
without your struggle..
Just sms"CHILD"to 54321..:p

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Pehla gadha:"Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhebahut marta hai..
.
.
Doosra gadha:"Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata..
.
.
Pehla gadha:"Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai todhobi kehta hai ki,
.
teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga..
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo..:p
www.DhurjatiKabiraj.blogspot.com

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Girls facebook status

"Wo Bewafa Nikla"
comments by guys....
.
1. Dear wo apke layek tha hi nahi
.
2.Tum kahan wo saala bandar kahan
.
3.Humne to pehle hi kaha submere
jaise nahi hote
.
4.Kabi hume try karke dekho pata
chalega bharosa kya hai
.
5.Jo b hua achha hi hua dont wory
swetu
.
.
Guys status on fb
"Wo Bewafa Nikli"
comments by close frnds
.
1.Saaley teri shakal hi gadhe jaisi hai
.
2.Tere se aaj tak koi pati hai ??
.
3.Tujh jaiso se b ladki pategi..
.
4.Tere se kuch nahi hoga dude chal ab uska no Mujhe de..:p

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Boy:"kaisi ho.. ?
.
Girl:"fine.. :))
.
Boy:"missing me.. ??
.
Girl:- :p
.
Boy:"yaar meri tabiyat kharab hai..
.
Girl:- :O
.
Boy:"aaj kaisa din guzra.. ??
.
Girl:- ;)
.
Boy:"busy ho.. ??
.
Girl:"umhm B-)
.
Boy:"Koi paas hai.. ??
.
Girl:"kaha na nahi..:)
.
.
Boy:"To pagal ki bacchi muh se kuch bol bhi,
apne Baap ki shaklay q send
kar rahi hai..:/ :O
Girl:- :'(

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What does bitch and bastard mean?

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a"bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied"ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in and asked"What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied"hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked"What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relativesand said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!:

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Genius Jhonny

Johnny wanted to have sex with agirl in his office, But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said,"I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. " She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for$200, pick up the money very fast,he won't even be able to get his Pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!":)

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Indian use of saddles..

A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horse back soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha- ­a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha- ­a-a!" and rode off. "Why was that Indian so excited?"asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered. "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.":)

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My wife and I have secrets to making a marriage last

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, goodfood and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?” We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”, so I bought her an electric chair. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.” My wife is on a new diet. Coconutsand bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now! She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off… She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”:

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LOL

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’ Each time the lights would go out,the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.’ ‘Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.! She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’ ‘Well, now they know you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’ ‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’ said the puzzled nun. ‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?’

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Girl's night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiast ­ic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want toruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!' :)

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Girls vs Boys

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, “No. These are for boys.” The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy’s bike and says, “Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!” But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, “Look,only boys have these and your mom can’t buy you one!” The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, “My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want.”:)

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A lesson about the evils of Liquor

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, sohe produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back,raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

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I m gonna commit a sucide

Ek ladki ne facebook pe status update kiya ''I Am standing at the edge of the bridge on my one feet , I am gonna commit a sucide here'' : : Kisi ne cmnt kiya :-1)' hey!! Wat happnd??' 2) :- no no no baby don do that 3) calm down share wid me wat's ur prob And etc etc : : But I just POKED her:

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Girl posts an add in Newspaper..

A girl posts An ad in Newspaper for her Life Partner : 'Need a person who, Never leaves me, Never beats me and Can satisfy me on Bed' . . . . Next day a Guy with No arms and Legs knock at her door . . Girl : Who are yu ? Guy : I want to be yur husband. Girl : You dont fit for that. Guy : I dont have arms , So i cant beat yu ! I dont have legs , So i cant leave you ! Girl : How can yu satisfy me on bed ? . . . . Guy : How do yu think i knoked the door:)

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A Man in a Red Light area..

The broker had named the sex workers using car brands, Broker:"Kya loge saab? BMW-8000 Mercedes-5000 Innova-2000 Safari-1000 Swift-500 Tata Nano-100 Man ordered NANO and was shocked to see a GAY! and said "Oye! Ye kya hai?" Broker"Saab ye NANO hai, Iska engine piche hai"

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Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, And12?

A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of- factly replies,"Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,"Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Thoseare for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men… One for January, one for February, one For March......."

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Dost ki Palkon Pe..

Dost ki Palkon Pe Aansu Na Aaye Aye Khuda Dua Meri Yeh Khali Na Jaye, Ke Mere Dost ki Palkon Pe Aansu Na Aaye, Aansu Nikle To Khushi ke Nikle, GaM ke Aansu Mujhe Aa Jaye.

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Doston ke Liye..

Doston ke Liye Dosti ki Saugat Hogi Doston ke liye dosti ki saugat hogi, Naye log honge nayi baat hogi, Hum har haal main muskurate rahenge, Tumhari dosti agar yunhi mere saath rahegi…

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Dosti ko Dil se Nibhaya..

Dosti ko Dil se Nibhaya Khuda ne dost ko dost se milaya, Doston ke liye dosti ka rishta banaya, Par kehate hai dosti rahegi uski kayam, Jisne dosti ko dil se nibhaya.

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Dost ek saahil hai tufaano ke liye..

Dost ek saahil hai tufaano ke liye, Dost ek aaina hai armaano ke liye, Dost ek mehfil hai anjaano ke liye, Dosti ek khawaahish hai aap jaise doston ko paane ke liye !!

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Dosti Duniya ke Liye Ek Misal Hai..

Dosti Duniya ke Liye Ek Misal Hai Hamari tumhari dosti duniya ke liye ek misal hai Tumhe dekha toh laga kya maal hai, Tumhe pane ke liye bichaya jaal hai, Par kya kare ye college ka hamara aakhri saal hai.

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Khamosh zindgi ko aafsana mil gaya..

Khamosh zindgi ko aafsana mil gaya, Bhavre ko fhul aur sama ko parvana mil gaya, Aap jaisa dost kya aaya zindgi mei to, Hamari zindgi ki dubti hui naav ko sahara mil gaya.

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Aap hamari zindgi mei chand banke aana..

Aap hamari zindgi mei chand banke aana, Yu hi muskurate rahenge chahejalta rahe jamana, Es duniya mei kabhi kisi ne na nibhayi ho, Aeysi dosti nibhake sabko dikhadenge.

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Pati-Patni Train Mein Upar Ki Seat Pe Beithe Kahi Ghumne Ja Rahe The. Pati Ko Tharak Chadi To Patni Se Bola. Jab Main Coke Bolu – To Tum Kapde Utar Dena, Aur Jab Pepsi Bolu – Tange Khol Lena, Agar Main Thumps-Up Bolu –Tab Main Andar Daluga, Neeche Beithe Ek Aadmi Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bola Aadmi: “Thumps-Up Tak To Theek Hai, Agar Limca Mere Upar Girayi To Tum Dono Ko Dikha Dunga.....!!

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A Man and his house girl had just finish having sex together, and the Man said to his house girl : Man : Oh.... Onome... You are too sweet.... House Girl : (Smiling) Thank you oga....At least, You appreciate sweet things.... Dont mind that your Silly driver that says your Wife is sweeter than me in Bed.

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Pregnancy Poem

Ab Q lagi rone, Jb bachcha laga hone, Tab Q nhi royi thi, Jb chipak k soyi thi, Ab jo kiya h wo bharo, Tab toh kehti thi aur kro aur kro.:)

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Just like Fuck, we Indians also have a Universally Versatile word

- BHENCHOD As a NOUN - Wo to bhenchod hai As a VERB - Zyada bhenchody mat kar As an ADJECTIVE - Kya Bhenchod hai @ Now 7 different emotions: ANGER- Bhag bhenchod FRUSTRATION- Sab saale chutiye hai bhenchod ACCEPTANCE- Sahi hai bhenchod REJECTION- Gaand marao bhenchodo FEAR- Bhenchod.. ab kya hoga? SORROW- Bhenchod maa bhen ek ho gayi uski.. SHOCK- Bhen...chodd!

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Man marries deaf girl and He writes :-

We must fix a code If I want sex I will press your left boob You reply by shakin my penis once for Yes or 50 times for No.

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A Guy to God

I can't Liv wit tis long Dick! God: Go 2 that Lake, U wil find a Female Frog. Ask har 2Marry u. she'll say 'No' & U'll Lose 5 Inches He Went & Found da Frog:Wil u Marry me? Frog: No! He Lost 5 Inches! He thought 20 Inches is stil Long. So Again: Wil u Marry Me? Frog: No He Lost 5 Inches More. He thot: 15 is Gr8, But 10 is Ideal So he askd Again: Wil u Marry me? Frog:How many Timz do I hv2 tel u? NO! NO! NO! Guy: khel khatam ,lag gaye L.....de

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3 IDIOTS- DIRTY EDITION

Teacher: “What Is A Condom?” Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hain. Teacher: “Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?” Aamir: “Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai” Teacher: “Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Definition Bolo?” Aamir: “Sir! Condom Is Anything Which Reduces Population” Teacher: “Will U Plz Elaborate?” Aamir: “Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control Kare!” “Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai, Condom Hai Na” “Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir” “Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire Hue Hai” “8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak Sab Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai” “1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out, In-Out, In-Out” Teacher: “Arre… Defination Kya Hai?” Aamir: “Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir” Teacher: “Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge?” “Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot” “Anybody Else??” Chattur: “Sir! , Condom Are Between Any Combination Of Body So Connected, That Their Relative Positions May Be Seen In Kamasutra..” Teacher: “Wah! Kya Baat Hai.....:p;) (Teacher kicked amir khan out of the class) Amir khan returns back to class... Teacher:ab kya hua Amir khan: sir kuch bhool gya hu Teacher: kya Amir khan: sir,6 inch long,coated with extra protection,come ­s in out in out,throw liquid wen directed,cud b covered with cap,spreads wen rubbed.... Teacher : wat d fuck u want Amir khan: pen sir....pen.

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Life is like penis.. . simple.. . Soft.. . straight.. . : . . . . Women make it hard !

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Epic

Ek jungle mein male janwar female janwaarko 24 ghante chodte rahte the..Saari female jaanwar mil ke Bramhaji ke pass gayi aur vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti miley. Bramhaji ne SAB male janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko coupon de diye aur boley ki ek mahiney ke baad coupon lanaa aur apna-apna lund swayam le jaana.. ! Shaam ke time Bandar ped pe baitha tha.. Bandariya ne usey chedtey hue kaha : " Chod saaley, bhenchod Ab chod naa mujhe Bandar kuch nahi bola .. Bandariya fir boli "Chod na Bhadve, chod na behen ke laudey.." !! Bandar ne ek choti si smile di aur bola: " Ek maheena ruk ja ! Bhen ki Laudi... Teri Maa Chod dunga....Maine Haathi ka coupon churaya hai..

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☀ Men will be Men

Nipple Mila. Chusna Shuru, DEWAAR Mili. Mutna Shuru, Zuban Fisli.. Maa-Behan Shuru, Gaand Mili. Ungli shuru, Fokat Ki Mili. Pina Shuru... Lund haath aaya. Hilana shuru.. Char dost mile. Gandmasti shuru.. Ladki mili.Chudai ki planning shuru... Aisa msg mila.Fwrd karna shuru..

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☀ Aakhri khwaish

Mujrim-aap ki beti se shaadi, blackbery bold , apple i phone, 100 crore rs. US ka visa, 2 saal ka honeymoon, 6-7 bacche jo aapko nana nana ormujhe papa papa kahe, or main unki shaadi krwa dun, uske baad aap jo bhi faisla doge mujhe manzoor hoga... Judge - zor se haste hue (jumps on table) muuh me le mera, meri koi beti hi nahi hai, taang do madarchod ko.

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Fuck

A Hypnotist hypnotised the whole audience in the hall with a pendulum Suddenly,the pendulum fell down He said "FUCK!" It took days to clear the crowd:-)

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Four stages of a girl & boy relation

1.Hand in Hand. 2.That in Hand. 3.Hand in That. 4.That in That

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Strange fact

Dunya mai ek saanp aisa bi hai jo har sec mai 0.5cm lamba hota hai aur thodi dair baad khud ko kaat k mar jata hai.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ye saanp"NOKIA"ki Games mai paya jata hai :♥

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Americans ki kamyabi ka raaz

Woh kaam ko dimag me aur lund ko chut me rakhte hai; . . Aur hum . . chut ko dimag me ur kaam ko lund pe rakhte hain!

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Naukrani Ko Ghar Ka Kam Karte Waqt Ek Condom Mila

Use Samajh Nahi Aa Raha Tha Ki Ye Kya Cheez Hai Socha Malkin Se Jake Puchti Hun, Shayad Use Pata Ho Kya Cheez Hai Naukrani: “Bibi Ji, Ye Kya Cheez Hai?” Malkin Ne Hairan Ho Ke Pucha: “Tumhe Nahi Pata?, Kya Tumhare Yaha Sex Nahi Karte?” Naukrani Ne Kuch Der Socha Phir Hairani Se Boli: “Haan Karte To Hai, Par Itna Bhi Nahi Ki Lund Ki Khaal Hi Utar jaye.

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Oh my God!!

Santa Ki Wife Ne Ek Din Mood MeinAake Santa Ko Bola Wife: “Janu Aaj Kuch Esa Sex Karo Ki Meri Chikh Chikh Ke Jaan Nikal Jaye” Apna Santa Bhi Sayana Tha Usne Condom Pe Mirchi Powder Laga Ke ChudayiStart Kar Di. ©Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com

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What is the name of the Capital City of Somalia ?

PIKIN : Bomb Blast. Teacher : Pikin, You are Wrong, You need to focus more on your studies. PIKIN : Please madam, can I ask u a few questions. Teacher : Yes, go ahead. PIKIN : Do u know Tracy ? Teacher : No. PIKIN : Do u know Blessing ? Teacher : No. PIKIN : Do u know Ruth ? Teacher : (Angry) Hell no! Who areall these people and why do u ask? PIKIN : Teacher, You need to Focusmore on your husband. Click LIKE if you understand.

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Your symetric Appearance can instigate indecency in a Decent Mascular Homosapienal, Can we Roll ?

LADY : Pikin, Both your Mouth & the Stick between your tighs are talking, Which one should i listen to Now ?? PIKIN : (Ashamed) OMG!!, Didnt Notice that, Im sorry, I didnt meanto embarass You LADY : Okay, i have accept your proposal, But....No SEX because i want to keep my body for my future husband" . PIKIN : No problem but dont ask for money too because I want to save it for my future Wife. Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com

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A touching Story

I was born in a every poor family.my mom died when I was 15 n I lived with my dad since but I was never happy because my father was a drunk lazy man.my dreams was to become a model o fashion designer but all of my dreams ended when I was 18 after my father raped me n I got pregnant n I couldn't go back to school again. Not only that but my father was HIV positive so I gave birth to an HIV positive baby girl but still my father had a chance of lie to people that I had been going out with boys so he kicked me out of the house, I lived a hard life with my child but my girls couldn't make it she died of hunger n malaria.i never give up n I moved of with my life I meet a wonderful man and he helped me fulfill my dreams.i became what I wanted to be,I was happy.but now am here on the hospital bed fight for my life after fall on the fashion show stage.Apart from suffering from HIV but I also got blood cancer and the doctor said I don't have much time to live. But before I die just want to tell my father that I still love him and I forgive him... SHARE this story if you have been touched and would like your friends to learn something from this story.....

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Never judge anyone

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call asap, changed his clothes & went directly to the surgery block. He found the boy's father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor. On seeing him, the dad yelled: "Why did U take all this time to come? Don't U know that my son's life is in danger? Don't U have any sense of responsibility? ­" The doctor smiled & said: "I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital & I came as fast as I could after receiving the call...... And now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work" "Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would U calm down? If your own son dies now what will U do??" said the father angrily The doctor smiled again & replied: "I will say what Job said in the Holy Book "From dust we came & to dust we return, blessed be the name of God". Doctors cannot prolong lives. Go & intercede for your son, we will do our best by God's grace""Giving advises when we're not concerned is so easy" Murmured the father. The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy, "Thank goodness!, your son is saved!" And without waiting for the father's reply he carried on his way running. "If U have any question, ask the nurse!!" "Why is he so arrogant? He couldn't wait some minutes so that I ask about my son's state" Commented the father when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left. The nurse answered, tears coming down her face: "His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son's surgery. And now that he saved your son's life, he left running to finish his son's burial." Moral-Never judge anyone..... because U never know how their life is & what they're going through"

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Never loose an opportunaty

A Young man wished to marry the Farmer's Beautiful Daughter. He went to the Farmer to ask his permission. The Farmer looked him over and said, "Son, Go stand out in that field. I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, you canmarry my daughter." The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let t he bull pass through the pasture out the back gate. The barn door opened again. Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life. It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him. Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate. The door opened a third time. a smile came a cross his face. This was the Weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He Grabbed... But The Bull Had No Tail!

Moral Of the story: - Life Is Full Of Opportunities. Some Will Be Easy To Take Advantage Of, Some Will Be Difficult. But Once We Let Them Pass (Often In Hopes Of Something Better), Those Opportunities May Never Again Be Available. So Always Grab The First Opportunity.

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Clever Girl

A 15-year old girl named Donna lived with her father in a small house in the suburbs. Ever since her mother died, Donna had depended on her father for everything. They had a wonderful relationship and loved each other very much. One morning, Donna’s father was leaving on a business trip. As they ate breakfast together, he told her that he would be home very late that night. With that, he kissed her on the forehead, grabbed his briefcase and walked out the front door. Later that day, when Donna came home from school, she did some homework and watched some TV. By midnight, her father had still not returned so she decided to go to bed. That night she had a dream. She found herself standing at the edge of a busy highway. Cars and trucks whizzed by at an alarming rate. She looked across the highway and saw a familiar figure standing on the other side. It was her father. His hands were cupped around his mouth and he seemed to be shouting something to her, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. As the traffic whizzed by, she strained to hear. Her father’s eyes were sad. He seemed to be desperately trying to communicate something to her. She could barely make out the words: “Don’t… Open… Door…” Suddenly, Donna was awoken from the dream by a strange tapping noise. Tap Tap Tap. Then somebody began to ring thedoorbell downstairs. Ring Ring Ring. She scrambled out of bed and put on her slippers. Then, dressed only in her nightgown, she ran downstairs and went to the front door. Looking through the peephole, she saw her father’s face outside. He was staring right at her. The doorbell kept ringing insistently. “OK, hold on! I’m coming!”, she shouted. She pulled back the deadbolt and was about to unlatch the door when she stopped. She looked through the peephole at her father again. Something about his expression didn’t look quite right. His eyes were wide open. He looked terrified. She slid the deadbolt back into place. “Dad!”, she yelled through the door. “Did you forget your keys?” Ring Ring Ring. “Dad, answer me!” Ring Ring Ring. “Dad, please! I need you to answer me!” Ring Ring Ring. “Is there someoneelse out there with you?” Ring Ring Ring. “Why won’t you answer me?” Ring Ring Ring. “I’m not opening the door until you say something!” The doorbell kept ringing and ringing, but for some reason, her father refused to answer her desperate cries. For the rest of the night, the frightened girl cowered in a corner of the hallway, helplessly listening to the ceaseless ringing of the doorbell. It seemed to go on for hours. Eventually, she fell into an uneasy sleep. At dawn, she woke up and realized that everything was quiet. She crept over to the door and looked through the peephole again. Her father was still there, staring at her. She cautiously opened the door and was confronted with a sight that filled her with unimaginable horror. Her father’s severed head was hanging from a nail above the door. There was a note attached to the doorbell. It read: “Clever Girl”

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Do you hate someone?

A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play a game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates. So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates. So when the day came, each child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week. Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended... The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?". The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go. Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???" Moral of the story: Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take! Love Everyone & Be Loved.

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The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset

She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase ?" Helen : "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife : "Who said that ?" Helen : "Your husband." Wife : "Oh." Helen : "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife : "Who said that ?" Helen : "Your husband." Wife : "Oh." Helen : "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you." Wife : "Did my husband say that aswell ?" Helen : "No, the gardener did." Wife : "So, how much do you want?"

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WTF

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed thisup, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother.":)

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☀ Men will be men no matter how old they Get

The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some appleand peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he madethe women aware of his presence. At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, he said,"I'm here to feed the alligator."

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☀ Apni Wife Ki Nazar Se Duniya Ko Dekho

Duniya Ka Saab Se Perfect Man - Uska Daddy, Duniya Ka saab Se Dukhi Pati - Uska Bhai, ... Duniya Ka Saab Se Sunder Boy - Uska Beta, Duniya Ka Saab Se Nasibdar Aadmi- Uski Bahen Ka Patti, Aur Duniya Ka Saab Se Kharab, Selfish, Jhootha, Kanjus, Bekar Aadmi - Yeh Bhi Likhna Padega Kya...?

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☀ A man was sick and tired of going to work every day ☀

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. ' God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away thegroceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.. Then, it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and gotinto an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's beingable to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!' The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you'll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night". www.Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com

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A Foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand...

An Indian farmer walking through his field notices a foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand. The farmer shouts, 'Arre baba, woh paani mat peena. Usme gayein or suwar sandas karte hai har roz ! The man shouts back, 'I'm a foreigner, I don't understand your bloody gibberish language... Speak English, you bloody Indian idiot!' The farmer shouts back in English, 'Use two hands, u can drink more!' :p

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How to kill a Lion

Infosys Method: • Hire a lion • Send him for training in Mysore and make him feel like the KING OF THE JUNGLE. • Make him take a ‘Generic Compree Exam’…………LION TURNS INTO CAT. • Make him take a ‘Stream Compree Exam’…………CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE. • Send him into production whichhas nothing to do with what he was trained for. • Mouse runs here and there for help!! • Send him mails telling about mandatory certifications. • Mouse commits suicide. TCS method: • Hire a lion. • Give him a hell lot of work and pay him government salary. • Lion dies of hunger and frustration IBM method: • Hire a lion. • Give him a pink slip in an hour. • Lion dies of unemployment. Wipro Method: • Hire a Lion • Give him a mail id. • Lion dies receiving stupid mails all day!! HCL Method: • Hire a lion. • Ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do. • Give him Gobi65 to eat again and again. • Hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space tosit. • Give them same Gobi65 to eat. • Hire 200 more……. and more……. • All of them dies of suffocation. Accenture Method: • Hire a lion. • Send him to Chennai, India. • Ask him to stay on bench for a long time. • Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada. • No Hindi, Kannada or no other languages speaking people other than TAMIL. • No good food, No water. • Tell him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”. • Lion dies in confusion... he is a lion or a Tiger!! Cognizant Method: • Hire few lions. • Make them to wait for more than one year for joining. • Send lions from Hyd to Chennai and lions from Chennai to Hyd. • Train the lions on Java/Dot net and ask them to jointesting team. • Give lectures on “Lions First” and ask them buy books on “Lions First”. • Relocate the lions from one jungle to another jumgle and tell them you are to going a better jungle. • Send old lions to African jungles (Onsite) and never rotate them to Indian jungles. • Old lions at Africa becomes king of the jungle. • Indian jungle lions becomes frustrated waiting for onsite and eventually joins any of the above jungles (TCS, IBM, Accenture etc) • Lion dies according to reasons appropriate for abovementioned jungles (TCS, IBM, Accenture etc)

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শেষ কথা

দেখতে দেখতে সৃতির পাতা থেকে ৬ মাস ১২ দিন চলে গেল।মনে পড়ে,বৈশাখমাস এর এক পরন্ত বিকালে,তোমার সাথে আমার দেখা।তার পর থেকে এক সাথে হেঁটে চলা।জানো বন্ধুরা আমাদের এই সম্পর্কের নাম দিয়া ছিল মানিকজোড়।আমরা কেউ কাউকে ছাড়া একটি মুহূর্ত থাকতে পারতাম না,মনে পরে তোমার।আর আজ আমার সাথেতোমার সম্পর্কটা রাখা নাকি তোমারকাছে শর্ত সাপেক্ষ বিষয়। কাল যখন তুমি বললে ,আমি নির্লজ্জ,শুনে বেশ লেগেছিল।হা,আমি নির্লজ্জ, কারন আমি তোমার শত অপমান সজ্জ করেউ তোমাই ভালবেসে গিয়াছি।হা তুমি ঠিকই বলেছ,আমি স্বার্থপর, কারন আমি সব কিছুর ভাগ দিতে পারব,কিন্তু তোমাকে অন্য কারো অংশ হতে দিবনা। জানো,মানুষ যাকে বেশি ভালবাসে,তাকে হারানোর ভয় ঠিক ততটাই তাকে গ্রাস করে। জানো আজ আকাশটা আর দেখতে পারিনা,কারন আমার চারিদিকে আজ ঘন ঘটা মেঘ। জানো আমি আর আগের মত চঞ্চল নেই, যেখানেই যাই,থম মেরে বশে থাকি,নিজেকে মাঝে মধ্যে বৃক্ষের সাথে তুলনা করি।আমি খুনি,কারন আমি আমার ভালবাসাকে হত্যা করেছি।আজ আমি তোমাকে কিছু কষ্টেরকথা বলবো,তখন আমাদের সম্পর্কের ট্রেনটা সবেমাত্র যাত্রা শুরু করেছে,তুমি বললে, আমি যদি কখনও বলি,তুমি আমার সাথে আর যোগাযোগ রাখবেনা,তুমি মেনে নিও,তুমি কোন কৈফত চেও না।ভালবাসা তখন ঠিক বুজতাম না,তবে ১ টি জিনিস বুজতে পেরেছিলাম,আমার নয়ন বেয়ে গরম কিছু পানি বের হইয়ে ছিল।তার নাম যদি ভালবাসা হয়, তবে আমি তোমাই ভালবাসাতাম।তুমি ­ ১ দিন বলেছিলে,আমি নাকি প্লে বয়,সেদিন আমার দু চোখ বেয়ে রাজ্যের দুঃখ গুলো হাত ধরা ধরি করে গড়িয়া পরেছিল।এর নাম যদি ভালবাসা হয়,তবে হা আমি তোমাই ভালবাসতাম। যখন তুমি রাগ হইয়া আমায় তুই তুকারি করতা, বোনাস হিসাবে কোন কিছুর বাচ্চা বলতা, তখন আমি নিরবেকাদতাম।এর নাম যদি ভালবাসা হই,তবে হা আমি তোমাই ভালবাসি।যখন তোমার কাছে বার বার ক্ষমা চাওয়ার পর ও তুমি আমায় নিয়ে ভতশনা কর,তখন আমার অনেক মন খারাপ হয়,এর নাম যদি ভালবাসা হয়,তবে আমি তোমাই ভালবাসি। যখন রাস্তা পার হউয়ার সমই,রাস্তার দিকে না তাকিএ, ফোন এরবাটন এর দিকে তাকিএ থাকি, যখন জীবন এর ঝুকির চেয়ে তোমার কাছে ফোন করাটা বেশি গুরুত্ব পূর্ণ হয়,এর নামে যদি ভালবাসা হয়,তাহলে আমি তোমাকে ভালবাসি। যখন পরীক্ষাশুরুর ১ মুহূর্ত আগে তোমার কণ্ঠটা শুনতে চাই, এটা যদি ভালবাসা হই,তবে আমি তোমাই ভালবাসি। তবে হা,তুমি অনেক ভাল।আমি জানি তুমিও আমায় অনেক ভালোবাসো। জানো খুব ছোট বেলাই পুতুল খেলতাম, যখন ইচ্ছা হতো মেরে ফেলতাম।আজ নিজেকেপুতুল মনে হচ্ছে। আল্লাহ হইত এই জন্যই আমার সাথে এভাবে খেলছে,তবে তোমার ১ তা বড় গুন কি জানো, তুমি আমায় অতি সহজেই মাফ করে দাউ। তোমার গুন গান কখনোই বলে শেষ করা যাবেনা। অনেক দিন ঠিক মত ঘুম হয় না,তাই আজ রাত এ গভীর একটা ঘুম দিব।অনন্তকালের ঘুম। এই ছিল তপু আর জেরিন এর মধ্যে ফোন এ শেষ কথা।এর পর জেরিন কখনই তপুর ফোন খোলা পাইনি

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Santa Singh ordered a voice automated robot Car

Santa Singh ordered a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and started sending it on errands. He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes. He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired. Santa Singh agreed. Santa Singh : Car, go and bring mychildren from school. The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, Santa Singh became worried, dressed up, ready to lodge a report at the police station. He and his wife just stepped outside when they saw the car coming with an overload of children. The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your children sir" In the car was their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their priest's son and their neighbours two sons. Wife: Don't tell me all these ones are your children? Santa Singh, nonplussed, calmly replied.. DEAR,CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT IN THE CAR ? www.Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.in

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Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover..

He forces himself to open his eyes,and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the mirror: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, Ileft early to go shopping-Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, andwhen she tried to take your pantsoff, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady! I'm married!" Broken furniture - $855.26 Hot Breakfast - $25.20 Red Rose bud -$5.00 Two Aspirins -$1.00 Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Pr ­iceless www.Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com

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Wo waqt bada hi acha tha..

Jab main chhota bacha tha! . Us time petrol sasta tha, phir bhi me me paidal chlata tha! . Na Ladkiyo ka zikar krta tha, Mai to padhai ki fikar krta tha ! . Na facebook pe status likhta tha, Na MS word pe paint sikhta tha! . Tab yaar mere sab sath the, Ab waqt ne apni chaal badli! . School chhod aa gaye colege me, Qki zindgi ka sawal h! . Yaha group me rhna padta h, Sorry,Thank u bolna padta h! . Par fir b yaar mere puchte h, Tu suna-suna Q rehta h? . Mai Jawab nhi de patahu, Bas chup-chap hi reh jata hu! . Fir aansu ponchh k kehta hu, Tumsab jaao, mai aata hu! . Sab puchte Jab wajah, To DIL sakht karke kehta hu Bas yaaro! . Yaad aa gyi us waqt ki , Jo waqt bada hi acha tha . Jab mai chota bacha tha , Jab mai chota bacha tha..!! ♥ :') www.Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot.com

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ভাগ বসানো মেয়ে

আমি যে কলেজ টায় পড়তাম সেটা ছিল স্কুল এন্ড কলেজ। সেদিন ভাষা দিবসের অনুষ্ঠানের মহড়া চলছিল, মহড়া দেখতে আমার মত আর অনেকে হাজির। অডিটরিয়ামে কি একটা সেমিনার চলছিল তাই বানিজ্য ভবনের ছোট্ট ক্লাসটাই মহড়া হচ্ছিল। আমি ভেবেছিলাম আমি ই শেষে আসলাম পিছনে তাকিয়ে দেখি আমার পিঁছু পিঁছু আরও একটি মেয়ে আসল, বসার জায়গা নেই, আমি ছোট্ট একতা ধুলোমাখা বেঞ্চ পেলাম ঝেঁড়েঝুঁড়ে বসে পড়লাম। মেয়েটি বসার কোন জায়গা না পেয়ে দাড়িয়ে আছে, আমি কি বলব পাশে বসতে? আবার কি না কি মনে করে? ভাবতে লাগলাম্, অবশেষে বললাম- এই যে আপনি চাইলে আমার পাশে বসতে পারেন, আমার বলতে দেরী হল মেয়েটির বসতে দেরী হলনা, একটা ধন্যবাদ দিলনা। মহড়া দেখার পাশাপাশি আঁড়চোঁখে আমাকে ও দেখছিল, আমি যে দেখছিলাম না তা না, তাইতো কয়েকবার চোঁখাচোঁখি হয়ে গেল। আমার সিটে ভাগ বসিয়ে পুরো মহড়াটাই দেখল অথচ আমার সাথে একটা কথাও বললনা। রিক্সার জন্য দাড়িয়ে আছি, এসময় টা তে রিক্সা পাওয়া অনেক কষ্টকর। অবশেষে একজন কে আসতে দেখে আমি ডাক দিয়ে থামতে বললাম, পিছন থেকে আরও কে একজন থামতে বলল, ফিরে দেখি সেই মেয়েটি।যেহেতু আমি আগে ডেকেছি তাই আমি পেলাম রিক্সাটি, মেয়েটি হতাশ ভঙ্গিতে দাড়িয়ে আছে। হতাশ হবারই কথা এ সময় টা তে রিক্সা পেতে বহু হিমশিম খেতে হবে। আমাকে অবাক করে দিয়ে বলে বসল, - সজীব ভাইয়া, আমাকে কি নেয়া যাবে সাথে? আমিতো থ বনে গেলাম তার মুখে আমার নাম শুনে, - আপনি আমাকে চিনেন? - না চেনার কি আছে? আপনাদের বাসার তিন তলায় তো থাকি আমরা, নতুন এসেছি, আপনি চিনবেন কিভাবে সারাদিন তো বই নিয়ে রুমেই পড়ে থাকেন্। - আচ্ছা বসেন, আমি তাকে আমার পাশে বসার জন্য ভাগ দিয়ে দিলাম। বাসায় পৌছলাম দুজনে। সুমির কথা বলছি, সে ক্লাস নাইনে পড়ে মাত্র, আমাদের বাসায় এসেছে গত মাসে আগে আশেপাশে কোথায় জানি থাকত। আমি ছোট বেলা থেকেই ঘরকুনো,আমার রুমটা আমার কাছে সবচেয়ে প্রিয় মনে হয়, বেশির ভাগ সময় আমার খাবার আম্মু রুমে নিয়ে আসে। তাই নতুন ভাড়াটিয়া কে এল কে গেল আমি জানিও না। এরপর থেকে প্রায় আমার সাথে আসা কিংবা যাওয়া হয়ে যেত কলেজে। আমাদের বাসায় ও আসা বেড়ে গেছে সুমির, আম্মুকে বিভিন্ন কাজে সহযোগিতা করত, আম্মু ও ওর ভক্ত হয়ে গেছে দেখলাম। শীতকালে চিতই পিঠা টা আমার খুব প্রিয়, তবে ২ টার বেশি খেতে পারিনা। সেদিন আমার রুমে আম্মু নাস্তা রেখে গেল, দেখিএকটা মাত্র পিঠা, মাকে বললাম একটা কেন? মা বললেন, ২ টাই রেখেছিলাম একটা সুমি এসে খেয়ে ফেলেছে। দেখেন তো কেমন লাগে ? শেষ পর্যন্তদেখি এই মেয়ে আমার খাবারেও ভাগ বসাতে শুরু করেছে। সবচেয়ে অবাক হলাম যখন শুনলাম আমার রুমে এসে আমার অনুপস্থিতে আমার ল্যাপটপ, বই নিয়ে ঘাটাঘাটি করে.. এইচ,এস,সি পরীক্ষার পর আমার সেনাবাহীনি তে চান্স মিলে গেল, চট্টগ্রামের ভাটিয়ারি তে চলে গেলাম ট্রেনিং এ,মা আমার একা হয়ে গেলেন, সুমি হয়ে উঠলো আম্মুর একমাত্র বন্ধু, সহযোগী সব কিছু। ট্রেনিং এথাকাকালীন একদিন ফোন করলাম, সুমি ই ধরল ফোনটা। - আন্টির শরীর খারাপ, তাই আমি রান্না টা করে দিচ্ছি, আংকেল এখনো আসেনি বাসায়। -সুমি, আমার মায়ের দিকে একটু খেয়াল রেখ, - আবার আমাকে খোঁচা দিবেন না তো আপনার মা'র ভাগ বসাচ্ছি বলে? - না, দিবনা। মা'র সাথে কথা হলেই শুধু সুমি'র কথা বলে, আমার বুঝতে অসুবিধা হচ্ছেনা সুমিঠিকই আমার মা'র ভাগটাও নিয়ে নিয়েছে। এইতো বছর দুয়েক আগের কথা, আমার পোষ্টিং তখন রাঙামাটি। হঠাৎ খবর আসল আম্মু অসুস্থ। সি,ও থেকে ছুটি মিলার পর আমি ছুটে চললাম বাড়ির দিকে, একদম বাড়ি পর্যন্ত যাওয়া লাগেনি, আম্মু কে সদর হাসপাতালে ভর্তি করা হয়েছে। ছোট্ট একটা অপারেশন করা হয়েছে আমি জানতাম না, আমাকে জানানো হয়নি। রক্তক্ষরণ হয়েছে আম্মুর্, রক্তও দেয়া হয়েছে। সুমি নাকি আম্মুর জন্য রক্ত দিয়েছে। সুমির প্রতি কেন জানি মাথা নত হয়ে আসতে থাকে আমার। আমাদের কেউ না অথচ সব কিছুতেই আছে। এতদিন ভাবতাম শুধু ভাগ নিয়ে যাচ্ছে আজ দেখলাম মেয়েটি ভাগ দিতেও জানে। আমার আম্মুর শরীরের রক্তেও এখন তার ভাগ আছে। আম্মুর অপারেশন পর একদম দূর্বল হয়ে পড়েছেন। কাজকর্ম তো দূরে থাক তাকে দেখতেও একজন লাগে। সুমির এইচ,এস,সি, পরীক্ষা শেষ, তাই তার অবসর থাকায় সে ই দেখছে আম্মু কে। আমার বিয়েটা একদম জরুরী হয়ে দাড়িয়েছে, মেয়ে দেখা হচ্ছে, আম্মুর কাছে ঘুরে ফিরে সুমির কথায় শুনছি, শেষ পর্যন্ত- আমার সব কিছুতেই ভাগ বসানো মেয়েটিকেই ঠিক করা হল আমার জীবনের ভাগ বসানোর জন্য। বাসর রাতে সুমি কে বলা আমার প্রথম কথা কি ছিল জানেন? 'মেয়ে, শেষ পর্যন্ত তুমি আমার জীবনেও ভাগ বসালে'? তবে একটা জিনিসে তুমি না কেউ ই ভাগ বসাতে পারবেনা, সেটা হচ্ছে তোমার প্রতি আমার ভালবাসা। সুমি ঘোমটা টা একটু সরিয়ে বলল- 'আমারো'। আমাদের দুজনের ভালবাসাবাসি চলতেই থাকে। আমার আম্মু ও এতদিনের বন্ধু, সহযোগী কে পুত্রবধু হিসেবে পেয়ে খুব খুশী। সুখ দুঃখ ভাগাভাগি করেই আমাদের সংসারচলছে। জানেন? এ মুহূর্তে অনেক খূশি লাগছে আমার। একটু আগে সুমি ফোন করে জানালো আমাদের দুজনের ভালবাসায় ভাগ বসাতে একজন অথিতি আসতে যাচ্ছে। রেশমা আন্টি,আম্মুর খালাতো বোন, গাইনি ডাক্তার, একটু আগে আম্মু আর সুমি তার চেম্বার থেকে আসল। এসেই আমাকে ফোন টা করল। পাঠক আপনারাও আসুন আমাদের সুখের সংসারে ভাগ বসাতে, আমাদের নতুন অতিথির নামটা ঠিক করে দিয়ে ।

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২৪ ঘণ্টা এবং একটি প্রেমের গল্প

রাত ১২টা টুং টুং শব্দে ঘুম ভেঙে গেল। মাত্র চোখটা লেগেছিল। ভীষণ রাগ হচ্ছে।এসএমএস এসেছে রুনুর, ‘দোস্ত, আই অ্যাম ইন লাভ।’ সকাল সাতটা ফেসবুক হয়ে গেছে তিন বেলার খাবারের মতো। সকাল,দুপুর, রাত অনলাইন হতেই হবে। যথারীতি অনলাইনহলাম। আরে! আমার কলিগ রুনু লিখেছে, ‘ইন এ রিলেশনশিপ উইথ রায়হান।’ মনে পড়ল রাতের এসএমএসের কথা। এই রায়হানটা আবার কে? দেখি,অফিসে যাই, রুনু আসুক। সকাল নয়টা মাত্র অফিসে ঢুকেছি, রুনু যেন উড়েএল, ‘এই আমার এসএমএস পেয়েছিস? রায়হানকে দেখেছিস? সুন্দর না? আজ আমরা একসঙ্গে লাঞ্চ করব, তুই কিন্তু কোনো বাহানা করবি না।’ আমার ডেস্ক পর্যন্ত চলে এসেছে রুনু। আজ ওকে লাগছে অস্থির প্রজাপতির মতো, উড়ে উড়ে বেড়াচ্ছে। দুপুর ১২টা কাজের খুব চাপ গেছে সারাটা সকাল।ফেসবুকে ঢুঁ মারার কোনো সুযোগ হয়নি। ঢুকেই রায়হানের ছবি দেখলাম। রুনু শেয়ার করেছে। বাহ্!রায়হান তো দেখতে খুব সুদর্শন। রুনুর পাশে খুব মানাবে। দুপুর একটা অতিথি শুধু আমি, রুনু আর রায়হান পাশাপাশি বসেছে। আমি ছাগলের তিন নম্বর বাচ্চার মতো তাদের খুনসুটিউপভোগ করছি। ‘শোন,ও কি বলে জানিস, হানিমুন করতে নাকি প্যারিস যাবে।দেখ, এত টাকা খরচ করার কোনো দরকার আছে?’ ‘আরে! আমার বউয়ের জন্যই তো আমার সব। আপনি বলেন, আমি কি ভুল বললাম।’ রায়হানের কৃত্রিম অভিযোগ। ‘কিন্তু টুনির জন্য কিছু জমাতে হবে না?’ ‘টুনি!’ রুনুর কথার রেশ ধরে আমার বিস্ময়। ‘ও, তোকেতো বলা হয়নি, রায়হান ঠিক করেছে আমাদের প্রথম বেবির নাম টুনি রাখবে।’ রুনুর গাল লজ্জায় লাল হয়ে গেছে।লাঞ্চ শেষ, আমাকে এবার বিদায় নিতে হবে। দুজনের সুন্দর ভবিষ্যৎ কামনা করে আমি চললাম অফিসের দিকে। রায়হান আর রুনু প্রজাপতি হয়ে উড়ে গেল বিকেলটা উপভোগ করতে। বিকেল চারটা উফ্! এত কাজ! দুপুরে যে কি খেয়েছি,মনে করতে পারছি না। রুনু কি মজাইনা করছে। তাদের ওয়ালে কমেন্ট পড়েই যাচ্ছে। শুভেচ্ছা, কেউ কেউ আবার বিয়ের দাওয়াত চাইছে। একটু হিংসা হচ্ছে। কীভাবেএত ভালো একটা বর পেয়ে গেল! হ্যাঁ!রায়হানকে তো ও বর বলেই ডাকে। আমার তো ফেসবুক আছে, কিন্তুরায়হানের মতো কোনো ফ্রেন্ড নেই। রাত আটটা মাত্র বাসায় পৌঁছালাম। বিধ্বস্ত। এর মধ্যে রুনুকে অনেক বার ফোন দিয়েছি, ধরেনি। এখন কি আর ওর আমার ফোন দেখার সময় আছে? প্রচণ্ড খিধে পেয়েছে। খাবার দিতেবলে ফ্রেশ হতে গেলাম। রাত ১১টা ৩০ মিনিট রুনু ফোন দিয়েছে। ‘কী ব্যাপার! সারাটা দিন লাপাত্তা, আজিই হানিমুন সেরে ফেললি নাকি? আমি তো...’ মুখের কথা শেষ করতে পারলাম না, রুনু কেড়ে নিয়ে বলল, ‘খবরদার, ওই ছোট লোকটার কথা বলবি না। ওর সঙ্গেসম্পর্ক রাখলে দুই দিনে আমাকে পাবনা গিয়ে ভর্তি হতে হবে, ছিঃ! জানিস, আমার আগেও কত মেয়ের সাথে..., থ্যাংকস গড,আমি আগেই জানতে পেরেছি, এসব ছেলে...’ রুনুর রিলেশনশিপ স্ট্যাটাস সিঙ্গেল হয়ে গেছে। দেয়াল ঘড়িতে ১২ টার ঘণ্টা বাজছে।

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Ojana Bhalobasa

Ami 1 jon ssc candidate..pora ­­shona valo hocche na..ajk apnader shathe amr lyf er 1ta sotti ghotona share korbo.. ami jokhon class 7 a portam tokhon amar babar phn theke 1tacheler shathe porichoy hoy..protidin parents and apuder chokh faki diye or sathe kotha boltam..or shathe kotha bolar jonno thik moto school a jetam na..kichu d­in por o amk propose korlo..emon korei ekta shomoy eloj oke ami vlobaste shuru korlam..amar vlobasar govirota etotai chilo j eta kokhno vabini se amk real love kore kina..?or bishoye keu kono negative kotha bolle ami believe kortamna..but se amr bisshaske venge dilo..onno 1joner kache jante parlam se naki hindu dhormer..vebe ch­ilam r relation rakhbona karon ami ekjon muslim family'r meye..but parlamna..ami jokhon class 9 a pori tokhon or sathe amr 1st dekha hoy..kichudin por kono 1ta karone amader relation break up hoye jay..o ekhon ekta private versity theke honours korche..kichudi ­­n por amader relation abar make up hoy..amra dujon paliye jawar plan kore chilam..but ­ o amar jonno muslimhote raji na..jehetu aamar parents hazz kore esechen sehetu tara kokhonoi amader mene niben na..r amr pokkheyo hindu howa possible na..ekhon amar ki kora uchit hobe or sathe paliye jawa?

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One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation..

Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling eachother in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy theTV in the corner..

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes herhair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her theTV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How inthe world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

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A woman goes to a priest with a problem..

"Father," she told him. "I have rescued 2 female parrots from a house of ill-repute. But the only thing they say is: "wanna have some fun?" " "THATS TERRIBLE!" exclaims the priest. "But i think i can help. Bring your parrots over at my house. I have 2 male parrots who I have taught them to pray every day. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying the terrible phrase." The next day the woman brought her parrots to the priests house. His two parrots were holding beads and praying quietly in their cage. The two female parrots were put in the cage with them. The females immediately began their routine. "Hi, wanna have some fun?" One male parrot looked at the other one and said: "Put those beads away, our prayer has been answered!"

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One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues...

when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because heknew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

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Dear Staff

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you aredoing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Lunch Breaks: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a dietpill. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Restroom Use: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall doorwill open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the“Chronic Offender” category. Surgery: As long as you are employed here,you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

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A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention..

She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principals office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, shed come and pick me up from school.":)

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A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks..

As he wondered howin the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteedmy ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business." The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thinghappens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted tofind he has lost ten pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neckthat reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a whileto catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he'sever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this greatin years!" The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it hefinds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,I can have you!":)

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Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?" The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!?THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!" And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her

A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi a few months ago. So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great timeeating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park. Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's ding dong. After a few seconds, he blows his load in her mouth and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce."

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A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government

So for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and yourbaby brother is the future.'' ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny. ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,''said the dad. ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In themiddle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

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What is Love?

'How long will you be poring over that newspaper? Will you come here right away and make our darling daughter eat her food?' I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu looked frightened.Tears were welling up in her eyes.In front of her was a bowl filled toits brim with Curd Rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age. She has just turned eight. She particularly detested Curd Rice. My mother and my wife are orthodox, and believe firmly in the 'cooling effects' of Curd Rice! I cleared my throat, andpicked up the bowl. "Sindu, darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice? Just for Dad's sake,dear And, if you don't, your Mom will shout at me' I could sense my wife's scowl behind my back. Sindu softened a bit, and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. 'OK, Dad. I will eat â€" not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire Curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?' 'Oh sure, darling'. 'Promise?' 'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. 'Ask Mom also to give a similar promise', my daughter insisted. My wife slapped her hand on Sindu's,muttering 'Promise', without any emotion. Now I became a bit anxious. 'Sindumma, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. OK?' 'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eat something that she detested. After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her. 'Dad, I wantto have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand! 'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'a girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'. 'Never in our family!'my mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!' 'Sindumma, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.' 'No, Dad. I do not want anything else', Sindu said with finality. 'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her. 'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'. Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honour our promises no matter what?' It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.''Are you out your mind?' chorused my mother and wife. 'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own. Sindu, your wishwill be fulfilled.' With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big & beautiful. On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight towatch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!' What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought. 'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!'Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, 'That boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from ... ... leukaemia.' She paused to muffle her sobs. 'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.' I stood transfixed. And then, I wept. 'My little Angel, will you grant me a boon? Should there beanother birth for me, will you be my mother, and teach me what Love is?'

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Story

A girl went to her friends house. she ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone She wasn't afraid because it was a small COMMUNITY and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the bike trail Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the all ey, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling over whelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a line-up to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was any thing they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, 'Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her.

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It was Wednesday

Ade woke up from bed,he looked at his clock and said Wow! I thought,it's morning Then he went back to sleep hoping to wake up as early as possible so that he can travel with his group,He had a dream,where he dreamt where they had accident while Travelling,He cant breath,Blood was gushing... He woke up and thanked God for revealing to him what's gonna happen... He decided to call his group,he explained his dream to them.... But they could not listen... They left him and began their Journey..... He began calling on God`s protection on them Later in the day,he was called on phone that something bad happened... 49 travelled 30 dead 19 seriously injured What a sad news he said to himself "I warned them they could not listen" He cried.......... ­ .......... God in this new year will give you power to see beyond human...... God will show you bad things coming your way.... He will protect you and bless you.... He will be with you and your family .....

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A Woman Pregnant With Triplets Is Walking Down The Street

When A Masked Robber Runs Out Of The Bank And Shoots Her ThreeTimes In The Stomach. Luckily The Babies Are Okay. The Surgeon Decides To Leave TheBullets In Because It’s Too Risky To Operate. All Is Fine For 16 Years, And Then One Daughter Walks Into The Room In Tears. The Mother Asks: “What’s Wrong?” The Daughter Replies: “I Was Taking Pee And This Bullet Came Out” The Mother Tells Her, It’s Okay AndExplains What Happened 16 Years Ago About A Week Later The Second Daughter Walks In To The Room In Tears. Second Daughter Says: “Mom, I Was Taking Pee And This Bullet Came Out” Again The Mother Tells Her, Not ToWorry And Explains What Happened 16 Years Ago A Week Later The Boy Walks Into The Room In Tears. The Mom Says: “I Know What Happened, You Were Taking A PeeAnd A Bullet Came Out” The Boy Says: “No, I Was Jerking Off And I Shot The Dog“

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Different Types Of Orgasms

Positive Orgasm: “O Yes, Oh Yess, Yess!” Negative Orgasm: “O No, Oh Noo, Noo!” Spiritual Oragasm: “Oh God, Oh God, I’m Comin” Classical Indian Orgasm: “Nahi.. Nahii.. Nahiiinn!!!” Rock’n'roll Orgasm: “Oh Baby Oh Yeah, Oh Baby” Heavy Metal Orgasm: “Yaa Come On Honey.. Fuck Me Hard.. Yeahh Babby.. Come On” Grand Maratha Orgasm: “Aai Ga. Aayi Aaayi… Aaayiii Gaa!!” Parsi Orgasm: “Oh Mummy Mummy Mummy!!!” Gujju Orgasm: “Oh Bhagwan.. MariGai..Mari Gai…Ahh!” South Indian Orgasms: “Aaiiyo.. Aaiiyo.. Aaiyayyo!” Punjabi Orgasm: “Chal Utar Ja Hun,Mainu Hor Vi Kamm Hain“

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Thought of the Night

Jab Se I-Pill Naam Ki Cheez Market Mein Aayi Hai. Tab Se Condom Ki Sale 50% Tak Gir Gayi Hai, Abortion Rate 80% Tak Gir Gaya Hai, Aur Ladkiyaan 100% Tak Gir Gayi Hai.

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Duniya Mein Sab Se Pahli Gaali Kisne Di Thi?

Answer: “Dronacharya Ne Arjun Ko – Arjun, Baan Chhod“

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Ek NRI India Ghumne Aaya Aur Usne Tea-Stall Par Jakar Ek Chai Order Ki..

NRI Ko Ek Chhota Ladka Chai Dene Aaya, Jisne Chai Ke Cup Ko Peene Wale Hisse Se Andar Ki Taraf Se Pakda Hua Tha. NRI Ne Chai Ka Ek Ghoot Piya Aur Bola: “Tum Log Kab Sudhroge? Chai Is Tarah Nahi Pakadte, Ungli Nahi Doobate Chai Mein” Ladka: “Sahab Ungli Mein Dard Hai, Dr. Ne Senkne Ke Liye Kaha Tha” NRI Gusse Se Bola: “Bhonsdi Ke Apni Gaand Mein Rakh Ungli, Wahaan Sabse Jayada Senk Milega” Ladka: “Sahab Abhi Tak Udhar Hi Thi, Aapke Order Ke Baad Nikalni Padi“

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Suhagrat Pe Shadi Shuda Ladki Ko Uski Saheli Ka Diya Gaya Gyaan..

Agar Wo Upar Upar Se Kare To Anjaan Hoga.
Agar Wo Pura Andar Dalkar Kare To Jankar Hoga.
Agar Wo Dusri Bar Kare To Jawan Hoga.
Agar Woh Teen Bar Kare To Tufan Hoga.
Agar Woh Chaar Bar Kre To Tera Nuksan Hoga
Aur Agar Woh Pichhe Se Kare To Pakka Pathan Hoga.

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Aap ke pas stove ki pin hai ?

Girl - Stove pe khana paka rahe hokya? Pappu - Nahi, Subah se Muth maarraha hu, par girta hi nahi hai, lagta hai andar kuch fasa hai. !!!

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Grls hostel ka guard roz daru pineke baad Gali bakta tha..

Mera nam jivanlal, kiski chut me kitne baal ? Ek ladki sunkar boli: meri chut me itne baal ki phas jayega jivanlal. 3dino tak sunne ke baad.. Jivanlal: goli chalegi fatak se, chut phategi jatak se, jal jayenge sare baal, bach niklega jivanlal ! Ladki: Surakshit kale mere baal vasmol ne kiya kamal. Bach jayenge mere baal, maa chudaye jivanlal:-)

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In a marriage party of a Nizam's daughter, there's a very gandu shaayar..

He had a famous background of some really gandu shayari. People were expecting somethingfrom him when suddenly he started KYA HASEEN FIZA HAI INTAZAM KI... People - WAH! WAH, IRSHAAD, IRSHAAD !!!! KYA HASEEN FIZA HAI INTAZAM KI... CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI NIZAM KI. People were really shocked and very angry (probably most of them were not like us). They started abusing and throwing stones at him. On this he again started... AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON... This calmed people a bit. AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON... MAA KE LAUDON PATTHAR TO NA MARO People went out of control this time and started beating and kicking him. He begged for mercy but they were not ready to listen to him any more, so he finally stated. GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE GAND MARLO HAMARI. GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE GAND MARLO HAMARI... JAB BAHARE-CHAMAN MAIN HONGE MAA CHOD-DENGE TUMHARI. The Nizaam gets very angry and banishes him out of the state for 5 years. After 5 years he feels sorry for thepoet and gets him back to a mushaira. The poet starts his shayari AYE SANAM UTHA KALAM, KASAM TUJHE? ?US? ?RAB KI Public: Wah wah.. irshaad (thinking that he has really improved now that he is includingGod in his shayari) AYE SANAM UTHA KALAM, KASAM TUJHE US? ?RAB KI PAANCH SAAL BAAD MAUKA MILA HAI, MAA CHODENGE AAJ SAB ki.

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Ek Ladki ki 5 Crore ki lottery nikli..

Company ne socha achanak bataaya to ladki khushi se mar sakti hai. Usne Pappu ko ye kaam saunpa kiaise batao ki w o khushi se mar na jaaye. PAPPU ne ja ke us Ladki ko bola Farz karo koi aapko 5 Crore ka Inaam de to tum kya karogi? Ladki: Aap ke saamne 'nangi' ho ja aungi.. Aap meri chut me apna lund dalna jitni baar chaho. Mai aapka lund chusungi...Aap mere boobs chusna meri gaand b maar lena.Aur jaise tumara man ka re waise karna Or aadha inaam b tumhe de dungi. Behen ka lauda Pappu khushi se mar gya...?

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At Heatthrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system

'Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk'. Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat , goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist. The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups: Ranchhodbhai: 'Madar Chod ! I amRanchhod.... Receptionist: 'Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here.. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas..... Ranchhodbhai: 'Arrey Bhenchod ! I am NOT Madar chod!' Receptionist: 'So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?' Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed off) 'Chootia teri! I am Ranchhod....' Receptionist: 'Excellent sir, so whois Chootia Teri then?' Whereupon, a Chinese gentleman ambles up to the Reception and asks: 'Were you calling me?' Receptionist: 'Now, who are you?' Chinese: 'I am Choo Tia......' Ranchhodbhai decides to fly back to Surat!

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Why?

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touchthe man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters..

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Fact

Bachpan se mujhe do hi cheez zyada mili hai biscuit aur dost.. . Faraq sirf itna hai ki biscuit Marie ke mile aur dost.. . Chutmarie ke..!

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Thought of the Day

Ek pura din shoes aur socks pehno toh pair gore gore ho jate he Par sala janam se chaddi pahni lekin . . . . . . Ustad...!!! Kala ka kala...!....... ­.:D

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Girl watching Titanic

Girl, while watching TITANIC :- how romentic ♥, AWWWWWWW, kya tum iss tarah mujhe payar kar sakte ho? ? ? ? Boy: main wo drawing bana sakta hu... ♥

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How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is : Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator,Put in the elephant, And close the Refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, Put in the elephant and close the door. This tested your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... excep­t one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.You just put him in there. This tested your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, You still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage? Correct Answer: You jump into theriver and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. So If you didn't get any right, you're basically a thick cunt!

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We Have discovered a new English course

A for apple

B for bada apple

C for chhota apple

D for dusra apple

E for ek aur apple

F for fokat ka apple

G for gol apple

H for hazar apple

I for itney saare apple?

J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple

K for kaise nahi khaayenge apple

L for lena padhega tumko apple

M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple

N for naa nahi kehte kyun ki yeh hai apple

O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple

P for peth bhar khaao apple

Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple


R for roz agar khaao tum apple

S for sehetmand rahoge khaaoge agar tum apple

T for tumko nahi milenge itne achche apple

U for udhaar ki nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple

W for waste na karo time aur khaa lo jaldi se apple

X for X'mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple

Y for yun na chehra phero dekh ke apple

Z for zaraa sa aur khaalo apple.

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