A male patient is lying in bed at a hospital with an oxygen mask over his face and still heavily sedated from more than four hours of operation. A young female nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
Patient: “Nurse” (he feebly mumbles from behind the mask) “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed young nurse: “I don’t know, I’m only here to washyour...
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks"well, anything else?" "We have anequestrian Barbie, and she's $28".
Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"
The...
Barbie
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks"well, anything else?" "We have anequestrian Barbie, and she's $28".
Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"
The...
your problem is our problem
Akpos : honey, i'm having a problem at my work place ?..
Wife : point of correction do not use MY instead use OUR, because your problem is our problem.
Akpos : ok, we are having a problem in OUR work place.
Wife : what is OUR problem ?.
Akpos : hmm.. OUR secretary is pregnant for US..
Wife : yeepaa. fain...
Aurat :- Mera Shohar Ghar Aatey Hi
Mujhy
Maarna Peetna Shuru Kar Dete
Hain,
.
.
Pappu Baba :- Woh Jaise Hi Ghar Aayen
To Tum ye
''TAWEEZ''apne Daant ke Neechey
Dabaa Lena,
.
After 5 days ~
.
Baba Ji Taweez Daant ke Neechey
Dabane Ka
Itna Faida Hua k Ab
Woh Mujhe Kuch Nahi Kehta hai.
Pappu Baba :-Yeh Faida Taweez ka Nahi ,
apni Zubaan Band Rakhne ka
Hai......
They were walking by and saw a sign for a helicopter tour
The man turns to his wife and says,"What do you think, honey? Want to give it a try? It's only fifteen dollars" "I don't think so, dear." She replies. "We just got married and don't have a whole lot of money and fifteen dollars is fifteen dollars."
the same couple after decades later the couple returns the mountains, and again pass the sign for a helicopter...
3 Bullets
.jpg)
There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat. He had an old rifle and three bullets. So, he decided that he would go out hunting and kill some wild animals for dinner.
As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit. He shot at the rabbit and missed it.
The rabbit...
Big Boobs vs. Little Boobs
유 Women with Big Boobs... ▷
✔can get a taxi on the worst days
✔have men give them the best seats
on a bus.
✔have a neat place to carry spare
change
✔have always been the center of
the arts (art)
✔make jogging a spectator sport
✔can keep a magazine dry while
laying in the tub
✔have more negotiating power
(with men shorter than them)
✔usually can find...
Ek time meri girlfrind ne mujhe apne ghar bulaya..
Me ghar paucha or bell bajai,
Uski choti sister ne darwaza khola,
Wo bahut sundar thi,
Muskura k boli ap bahut smart ho,
Abhi ghar pr koi nhi he.
Mai akeli hu,Mai muskraya Or,
Apni bike ki taraf wapas janelaga,
To uski puri family ghar se bahar aa gai or,
Meri sharafat ki tarif karte hue,
Mujhe gale lagaya or kaha,
Hum ko rishta manzur he.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Ab...
Pehli Baar Jija shaadi ke baad sasural aaya...
Biwi ki choti behen khidki se dekhke boli: Lo Aa Gaya behanchod...
Maa : Aisa nahi kehte...
Wo boli: Rishta Wahi Soch Nayi....
Ek baar class main inspection hoti hain..
Headmaster sahib aate hain....... Sawaal karna shuru!
Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"?
Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!!
Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND...
Height of Misunderstanding...
A Canadian guy, American guy, a ugly woman and gorgeous woman are sitting in opposing seats on a train. After some initial introductions of where they're from and where they're going, they settle in to do their own thing and basically ignore each other.
Some time later, the train enters a tunel and all goes black, then suddenly they hear a big slap....
The reason why I got Divorced..
Last week I had my birthday, My wife didn't wish me, My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work, Even my colleagues didn't wish me..
As I entered my cabin my secretary said," Happy Birthday Boss" I felt so special, She asked me out to lunch.
After lunch,she invited me to her apartment.
WE went there,
She said in a sexy voice,"Do you mind...
Blunder in Restroom...
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not...
What do I look like?
A woman was trying to do her laundry one day, when her washing machine suddenly broke down. Distraught, she called her husband at the office and said,"Honey, can you please come home and fix the washing machine? It doesn't work." The angry husband replied, "What do I look like? The freakin? Maytag man?" and hung up. The woman decided to go to the Laundromat...
Some things you just can't explain..
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer...
Bob joins a very exclusive nudists colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"
She says: "You...
A man and his Girlfriend..
A Married Man Was Visiting His “Girlfriend” When She Requested That He Shave His Beard.
“Oh James, I Like Your Beard, But I Would Really Love To See Your Handsome Face.”
James Replied, “My Wife Loves This Beard, I Couldn’t Possibly Do It, She Would Kill Me”
“Oh Please?” The Girlfriend Asked Again, In A Sexy Little Voice…
“Oh Really, I Can’t,” He Replies…”My...
Jack Betty Love story
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask sucha question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35...
How much do you love me?
Husband : I love U so much, I can't measure.
Wife : No just tell me....
Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, i am nothing without you...
Wife : Wow ! that's so romantic...
Husband (saying to himself): Thank God she doesn't know, this is a Chinese phone, with FOUR sim ca...
Pehla gadha:"Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhebahut marta hai..
.
.
Doosra gadha:"Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata..
.
.
Pehla gadha:"Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai todhobi kehta hai ki,
.
teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga..
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo..:p
www.Dhurjati...
Girls facebook status
"Wo Bewafa Nikla"
comments by guys....
.
1. Dear wo apke layek tha hi nahi
.
2.Tum kahan wo saala bandar kahan
.
3.Humne to pehle hi kaha submere
jaise nahi hote
.
4.Kabi hume try karke dekho pata
chalega bharosa kya hai
.
5.Jo b hua achha hi hua dont wory
swetu
.
.
Guys status on fb
"Wo Bewafa Nikli"
comments by close frnds
.
1.Saaley teri shakal...
Boy:"kaisi ho.. ?
.
Girl:"fine.. :))
.
Boy:"missing me.. ??
.
Girl:- :p
.
Boy:"yaar meri tabiyat kharab hai..
.
Girl:- :O
.
Boy:"aaj kaisa din guzra.. ??
.
Girl:- ;)
.
Boy:"busy ho.. ??
.
Girl:"umhm B-)
.
Boy:"Koi paas hai.. ??
.
Girl:"kaha na nahi..:)
.
.
Boy:"To pagal ki bacchi muh se kuch bol bhi,
apne Baap ki shaklay q send
kar rahi hai..:/ :O
Girl:-...
What does bitch and bastard mean?
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a"bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied"ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick"....
Genius Jhonny
Johnny wanted to have sex with agirl in his office, But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said,"I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick...
Indian use of saddles..
A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.
An American Indian on horse back soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha- a-a-"...
My wife and I have secrets to making a marriage last
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, goodfood and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long...
LOL
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’ Each time the lights would go out,the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and...
Girl's night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiast ic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with...
Girls vs Boys
A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play.
He tells her, “No. These are for boys.”
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face.
The little boy angrily points to his boy’s bike and says, “Oh yeah? Well,...
A lesson about the evils of Liquor
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, sohe produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water...
I m gonna commit a sucide
Ek ladki ne facebook pe status update kiya
''I Am standing at the edge of the bridge on my one feet , I am gonna commit a sucide here''
:
:
Kisi ne cmnt kiya :-1)' hey!! Wat happnd??'
2) :- no no no baby don do that
3) calm down share wid me wat's ur prob
And etc etc
:
:
But I just POKED h...
Girl posts an add in Newspaper..
A girl posts An ad in Newspaper for her Life Partner :
'Need a person who, Never leaves me, Never beats me and Can satisfy me on Bed'
.
.
.
.
Next day a Guy with No arms and Legs knock at her door
.
.
Girl : Who are yu ?
Guy : I want to be yur husband.
Girl : You dont fit for that.
Guy : I dont have arms , So i cant beat yu ! I dont have legs , So...
A Man in a Red Light area..
The broker had named the sex workers using car brands,
Broker:"Kya loge saab?
BMW-8000
Mercedes-5000
Innova-2000
Safari-1000
Swift-500
Tata Nano-100
Man ordered NANO and was shocked to see a GAY!
and said "Oye! Ye kya hai?"
Broker"Saab ye NANO hai, Iska engine piche h...
Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, And12?
A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of- factly replies,"Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over...
Dost ki Palkon Pe..
Dost ki Palkon Pe Aansu Na Aaye
Aye Khuda Dua Meri Yeh Khali Na Jaye,
Ke Mere Dost ki Palkon Pe Aansu Na Aaye,
Aansu Nikle To Khushi ke Nikle,
GaM ke Aansu Mujhe Aa Jay...
Doston ke Liye..
Doston ke Liye Dosti ki Saugat Hogi
Doston ke liye dosti ki saugat hogi,
Naye log honge nayi baat hogi,
Hum har haal main muskurate rahenge,
Tumhari dosti agar yunhi mere saath raheg...
Dosti ko Dil se Nibhaya..
Dosti ko Dil se Nibhaya
Khuda ne dost ko dost se milaya,
Doston ke liye dosti ka rishta banaya,
Par kehate hai dosti rahegi uski kayam,
Jisne dosti ko dil se nibhay...
Dost ek saahil hai tufaano ke liye..
Dost ek saahil hai tufaano ke liye,
Dost ek aaina hai armaano ke liye,
Dost ek mehfil hai anjaano ke liye,
Dosti ek khawaahish hai aap jaise doston ko paane ke liye ...
Dosti Duniya ke Liye Ek Misal Hai..
Dosti Duniya ke Liye Ek Misal Hai
Hamari tumhari dosti duniya ke liye ek misal hai
Tumhe dekha toh laga kya maal hai,
Tumhe pane ke liye bichaya jaal hai,
Par kya kare ye college ka hamara aakhri saal ha...
Khamosh zindgi ko aafsana mil gaya..
Khamosh zindgi ko aafsana mil gaya,
Bhavre ko fhul aur sama ko parvana mil gaya,
Aap jaisa dost kya aaya zindgi mei to,
Hamari zindgi ki dubti hui naav ko sahara mil gay...
Aap hamari zindgi mei chand banke aana..
Aap hamari zindgi mei chand banke aana,
Yu hi muskurate rahenge chahejalta rahe jamana,
Es duniya mei kabhi kisi ne na nibhayi ho,
Aeysi dosti nibhake sabko dikhadeng...
Pati-Patni Train Mein Upar Ki Seat Pe Beithe Kahi Ghumne Ja Rahe The.
Pati Ko Tharak Chadi To Patni Se Bola.
Jab Main Coke Bolu – To Tum Kapde Utar Dena,
Aur Jab Pepsi Bolu – Tange Khol Lena,
Agar Main Thumps-Up Bolu –Tab Main Andar Daluga,
Neeche Beithe Ek Aadmi Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bola
Aadmi: “Thumps-Up Tak To Theek Hai, Agar Limca Mere Upar...
A Man and his house girl had just finish having sex together, and the Man said to his house girl :
Man : Oh.... Onome... You are too sweet....
House Girl : (Smiling) Thank you oga....At least, You appreciate sweet things....
Dont mind that your Silly driver that says your Wife is sweeter than me in B...
Pregnancy Poem
Ab Q lagi rone,
Jb bachcha laga hone,
Tab Q nhi royi thi,
Jb chipak k soyi thi,
Ab jo kiya h wo bharo,
Tab toh kehti thi aur kro aur kro...
Just like Fuck, we Indians also have a Universally Versatile word
- BHENCHOD As a NOUN
- Wo to bhenchod hai As a VERB
- Zyada bhenchody mat kar As an ADJECTIVE
- Kya Bhenchod hai
@ Now 7 different emotions:
ANGER- Bhag bhenchod
FRUSTRATION- Sab saale chutiye hai bhenchod
ACCEPTANCE- Sahi hai bhenchod
REJECTION- Gaand marao bhenchodo
FEAR- Bhenchod.. ab kya hoga?
SORROW- Bhenchod maa bhen ek ho gayi uski..
SHOCK-...
Man marries deaf girl and He writes :-
We must fix a code
If I want sex I will press your left boob
You reply by shakin my penis once for Yes or 50 times for ...
A Guy to God
I can't Liv wit tis long Dick!
God: Go 2 that Lake,
U wil find a Female Frog. Ask har 2Marry u.
she'll say 'No' & U'll Lose 5 Inches
He Went & Found da Frog:Wil u Marry me?
Frog: No!
He Lost 5 Inches!
He thought 20 Inches is stil Long.
So Again: Wil u Marry Me?
Frog: No
He Lost 5 Inches More.
He thot: 15 is Gr8,
But 10 is Ideal
So he askd...
3 IDIOTS- DIRTY EDITION
Teacher:
“What Is A Condom?”
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hain.
Teacher: “Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?”
Aamir: “Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai”
Teacher: “Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Definition Bolo?”
Aamir: “Sir! Condom Is Anything Which...
Epic
Ek jungle
mein male janwar female janwaarko 24 ghante chodte rahte the..Saari female jaanwar mil ke Bramhaji ke pass gayi aur vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti miley.
Bramhaji ne SAB male janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko coupon de diye aur boley ki ek mahiney ke baad coupon lanaa aur apna-apna lund swayam le jaana.. !
Shaam...
☀ Men will be Men
Nipple Mila. Chusna Shuru,
DEWAAR Mili. Mutna Shuru,
Zuban Fisli.. Maa-Behan Shuru,
Gaand Mili. Ungli shuru,
Fokat Ki Mili. Pina Shuru...
Lund haath aaya. Hilana shuru..
Char dost mile. Gandmasti shuru.. Ladki mili.Chudai ki planning shuru... Aisa msg mila.Fwrd karna shur...
☀ Aakhri khwaish
Mujrim-aap ki beti se shaadi, blackbery bold , apple i phone, 100 crore rs.
US ka visa, 2 saal ka honeymoon, 6-7 bacche jo aapko nana nana ormujhe papa papa kahe, or main unki shaadi krwa dun, uske baad aap jo bhi faisla doge mujhe manzoor hoga...
Judge - zor se haste hue (jumps on table) muuh me le mera, meri koi beti hi nahi hai, taang do madarchod...
Strange fact
Dunya mai ek saanp aisa bi hai jo har sec mai 0.5cm lamba hota hai aur thodi dair baad khud ko kaat k mar jata hai..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ye saanp"NOKIA"ki Games mai paya jata hai...
Americans ki kamyabi ka raaz
Woh kaam ko dimag me aur lund ko chut
me rakhte hai;
.
.
Aur hum
.
.
chut ko dimag me ur kaam ko lund pe
rakhte ha...
Naukrani Ko Ghar Ka Kam Karte Waqt Ek Condom Mila
Use Samajh Nahi Aa Raha
Tha Ki Ye Kya Cheez Hai
Socha Malkin Se Jake Puchti Hun, Shayad
Use Pata Ho Kya Cheez Hai
Naukrani: “Bibi Ji, Ye Kya Cheez Hai?”
Malkin Ne Hairan Ho Ke Pucha: “Tumhe
Nahi Pata?, Kya Tumhare Yaha Sex Nahi
Karte?”
Naukrani Ne Kuch Der Socha Phir Hairani
Se Boli: “Haan Karte To Hai, Par Itna Bhi
Nahi Ki Lund Ki Khaal Hi Utar j...
Oh my God!!
Santa Ki Wife Ne Ek Din Mood MeinAake
Santa Ko Bola
Wife: “Janu Aaj Kuch Esa Sex Karo Ki Meri
Chikh Chikh Ke Jaan Nikal Jaye”
Apna Santa Bhi Sayana Tha Usne Condom
Pe Mirchi Powder Laga Ke ChudayiStart
Kar Di.
©Dhurjatikabiraj.blogspot....
What is the name of the Capital City of Somalia ?
PIKIN : Bomb Blast.
Teacher : Pikin, You are Wrong, You need to focus more on your studies.
PIKIN : Please madam, can I ask u a few questions.
Teacher : Yes, go ahead.
PIKIN : Do u know Tracy ?
Teacher : No.
PIKIN : Do u know Blessing ?
Teacher : No.
PIKIN : Do u know Ruth ?
Teacher : (Angry) Hell no! Who areall these people and why do u ask?
PIKIN...
Your symetric Appearance can instigate indecency in a Decent Mascular Homosapienal, Can we Roll ?
LADY : Pikin, Both your Mouth & the Stick between your tighs are talking, Which one should i listen to Now ??
PIKIN : (Ashamed) OMG!!, Didnt Notice that, Im sorry, I didnt meanto embarass You
LADY : Okay, i have accept your proposal, But....No SEX because i want to keep my body for my future husband" .
PIKIN : No problem but dont ask for money...
A touching Story
I was born in a every poor family.my
mom died when I was 15 n I lived with
my dad since but I was never happy
because my father was a drunk lazy
man.my dreams was to become a model
o fashion designer but all of my dreams ended when I was 18 after my father
raped me n I got pregnant n I couldn't go
back to school again. Not only that but
my father...
Never judge anyone
A doctor entered the hospital in
hurry after being called in for an
urgent surgery. He answered the
call asap, changed his clothes &
went directly to the surgery block.
He found the boy's father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor. On
seeing him, the dad yelled:
"Why did U take all this time to
come? Don't U know that my son's
life is in...
Never loose an opportunaty
A Young man wished to marry the
Farmer's Beautiful Daughter.
He went to the Farmer to ask his
permission. The Farmer looked him over and
said, "Son, Go stand out in that
field.
I'm going to release three bulls, one
at a time. If you can catch the tail of
any one of the three bulls, you canmarry my daughter."
The young man stood in the
pasture awaiting...
Clever Girl
A 15-year old girl named Donna lived
with her father in a small house in
the suburbs. Ever since her mother
died, Donna had depended on her
father for everything. They had a
wonderful relationship and loved each other very much.
One morning, Donna’s father was
leaving on a business trip. As they
ate breakfast together, he told her
that he would be...
Do you hate someone?
A kindergarten teacher decided to
let her class play a game.
The teacher told each child in the
class to bring along a plastic bag
containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of
a person that the child hates. So the number of potatoes that a
child will put in his/her plastic bag
will depend on the number of
people he/she hates. So...
The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset
She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase ?"
Helen : "There are three reasons.
The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife : "Who said that ?"
Helen : "Your husband."
Wife : "Oh."
Helen : "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife : "Who said that ?"
Helen : "Your husband."
Wife : "Oh."
Helen : "The...
WTF
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these...
☀ Men will be men no matter how old they Get
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some appleand peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon...
☀ Apni Wife Ki Nazar Se Duniya Ko Dekho
Duniya Ka Saab Se Perfect Man - Uska Daddy,
Duniya Ka saab Se Dukhi Pati - Uska Bhai,
...
Duniya Ka Saab Se Sunder Boy - Uska Beta,
Duniya Ka Saab Se Nasibdar Aadmi- Uski Bahen Ka Patti,
Aur Duniya Ka Saab Se Kharab, Selfish, Jhootha, Kanjus, Bekar Aadmi - Yeh Bhi Likhna Padega Kya....
☀ A man was sick and tired of going to work every day ☀
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. ' God, in his infinite wisdom,...
A Foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand...
An Indian farmer walking through his field notices a foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand.
The farmer shouts, 'Arre baba, woh paani mat peena. Usme gayein or suwar sandas karte hai har roz !
The man shouts back, 'I'm a foreigner, I don't understand your bloody gibberish language... Speak English, you bloody Indian idiot!'
The farmer...
How to kill a Lion
Infosys Method:
• Hire a lion
• Send him for training in Mysore and make him feel like the KING OF THE JUNGLE.
• Make him take a ‘Generic Compree Exam’…………LION TURNS INTO CAT.
• Make him take a ‘Stream Compree Exam’…………CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE.
• Send him into production whichhas nothing to do with what he was trained for.
• Mouse runs here and there...
শেষ কথা
দেখতে দেখতে সৃতির পাতা থেকে ৬ মাস ১২ দিন চলে গেল।মনে পড়ে,বৈশাখমাস এর এক পরন্ত বিকালে,তোমার সাথে আমার দেখা।তার পর থেকে এক সাথে হেঁটে চলা।জানো বন্ধুরা আমাদের এই সম্পর্কের নাম দিয়া ছিল মানিকজোড়।আমরা কেউ কাউকে ছাড়া একটি মুহূর্ত থাকতে পারতাম না,মনে পরে তোমার।আর আজ আমার সাথেতোমার সম্পর্কটা রাখা নাকি তোমারকাছে শর্ত সাপেক্ষ বিষয়।
কাল যখন তুমি বললে ,আমি নির্লজ্জ,শুনে...
Santa Singh ordered a voice automated robot Car
Santa Singh ordered a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands.
He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.
He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so...
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover..
He forces himself to open his eyes,and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house....
Wo waqt bada hi acha tha..
Jab
main chhota bacha tha!
.
Us time petrol sasta tha, phir bhi
me me paidal chlata tha!
.
Na Ladkiyo ka zikar krta tha, Mai
to padhai ki fikar krta tha !
.
Na facebook pe status likhta tha,
Na MS word pe paint sikhta tha!
.
Tab yaar mere sab sath the, Ab
waqt ne apni chaal badli!
.
School chhod aa gaye colege me,
Qki zindgi ka sawal h!
.
Yaha group...
ভাগ বসানো মেয়ে
আমি যে কলেজ টায় পড়তাম সেটা ছিল স্কুল এন্ড
কলেজ। সেদিন ভাষা দিবসের অনুষ্ঠানের
মহড়া চলছিল, মহড়া দেখতে আমার মত আর
অনেকে হাজির।
অডিটরিয়ামে কি একটা সেমিনার চলছিল তাই বানিজ্য ভবনের ছোট্ট ক্লাসটাই মহড়া হচ্ছিল। আমি ভেবেছিলাম আমি ই শেষে আসলাম
পিছনে তাকিয়ে দেখি আমার পিঁছু পিঁছু আরও
একটি মেয়ে আসল, বসার জায়গা নেই, আমি ছোট্ট
একতা ধুলোমাখা বেঞ্চ পেলাম
ঝেঁড়েঝুঁড়ে...
২৪ ঘণ্টা এবং একটি প্রেমের গল্প
রাত ১২টা
টুং টুং শব্দে ঘুম ভেঙে গেল। মাত্র চোখটা লেগেছিল। ভীষণ রাগ হচ্ছে।এসএমএস এসেছে রুনুর, ‘দোস্ত, আই অ্যাম ইন লাভ।’
সকাল সাতটা
ফেসবুক হয়ে গেছে তিন বেলার খাবারের মতো। সকাল,দুপুর, রাত অনলাইন হতেই হবে। যথারীতি অনলাইনহলাম। আরে! আমার কলিগ রুনু লিখেছে, ‘ইন এ রিলেশনশিপ উইথ রায়হান।’ মনে পড়ল রাতের এসএমএসের কথা। এই রায়হানটা আবার কে? দেখি,অফিসে যাই, রুনু আসুক।
সকাল...
Ojana Bhalobasa
Ami 1 jon ssc candidate..pora shona valo hocche na..ajk apnader shathe amr lyf er 1ta sotti ghotona share korbo..
ami jokhon class 7 a portam tokhon amar babar phn theke 1tacheler shathe porichoy hoy..protidin parents and apuder chokh faki diye or sathe kotha boltam..or shathe kotha bolar jonno thik moto school a jetam na..kichu din por o amk propose...
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation..
Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling eachother in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said...
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy theTV in the corner..
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes herhair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her theTV this time,...
A woman goes to a priest with a problem..
"Father," she told him. "I have rescued 2 female parrots from a house of ill-repute. But the only thing they say is: "wanna have some fun?" "
"THATS TERRIBLE!" exclaims the priest. "But i think i can help. Bring your parrots over at my house. I have 2 male parrots who I have taught them to pray every day. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop...
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues...
when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because heknew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH...
Dear Staff
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you aredoing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise....
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention..
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principals office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion...
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks..
As he wondered howin the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteedmy ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous,...
Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him,
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The...
A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her
A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi a few months ago. So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting...
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government
So for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people...
What is Love?
'How long will you be poring over that newspaper? Will you come here right away and make our darling daughter eat her food?'
I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter Sindu looked frightened.Tears were welling up in her eyes.In front of her was a bowl filled toits brim with Curd Rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent...
Story
A girl went to her friends house. she ended up staying longer than planned,
and had to walk home alone She wasn't afraid because it was a small COMMUNITY and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the bike trail Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house,...
It was Wednesday
Ade woke up from bed,he looked at his
clock and said Wow!
I thought,it's morning
Then he went back to sleep hoping to wake up as early as
possible so that he can travel with his group,He had a dream,where he dreamt where they had accident
while Travelling,He cant breath,Blood was gushing...
He woke up and thanked God for revealing to him what's
gonna...
A Woman Pregnant With Triplets Is Walking Down The Street
When A Masked Robber Runs Out Of The Bank And Shoots Her ThreeTimes In The Stomach.
Luckily The Babies Are Okay.
The Surgeon Decides To Leave TheBullets In Because It’s Too Risky To Operate.
All Is Fine For 16 Years, And Then One Daughter Walks Into The Room In Tears.
The Mother Asks: “What’s Wrong?”
The Daughter Replies: “I Was Taking Pee And This...
Different Types Of Orgasms
Positive Orgasm: “O Yes, Oh Yess, Yess!”
Negative Orgasm: “O No, Oh Noo, Noo!”
Spiritual Oragasm: “Oh God, Oh God, I’m Comin”
Classical Indian Orgasm: “Nahi.. Nahii.. Nahiiinn!!!”
Rock’n'roll Orgasm: “Oh Baby Oh Yeah, Oh Baby”
Heavy Metal Orgasm: “Yaa Come On Honey.. Fuck Me Hard.. Yeahh Babby.. Come On”
Grand Maratha Orgasm: “Aai Ga. Aayi Aaayi… Aaayiii...
Thought of the Night
Jab Se I-Pill Naam Ki Cheez Market Mein Aayi Hai.
Tab Se Condom Ki Sale 50% Tak Gir Gayi Hai,
Abortion Rate 80% Tak Gir Gaya Hai,
Aur
Ladkiyaan 100% Tak Gir Gayi H...
Ek NRI India Ghumne Aaya Aur Usne Tea-Stall Par Jakar Ek Chai Order Ki..
NRI Ko Ek Chhota Ladka Chai Dene Aaya, Jisne Chai Ke Cup Ko Peene Wale Hisse Se Andar Ki Taraf Se Pakda Hua Tha.
NRI Ne Chai Ka Ek Ghoot Piya Aur Bola: “Tum Log Kab Sudhroge? Chai Is Tarah Nahi Pakadte, Ungli Nahi Doobate Chai Mein”
Ladka: “Sahab Ungli Mein Dard Hai, Dr. Ne Senkne Ke Liye Kaha Tha”
NRI Gusse Se Bola: “Bhonsdi Ke Apni Gaand Mein Rakh...
Suhagrat Pe Shadi Shuda Ladki Ko Uski Saheli Ka Diya Gaya Gyaan..
Agar Wo Upar Upar Se Kare To Anjaan Hoga.
Agar Wo Pura Andar Dalkar Kare To Jankar Hoga.
Agar Wo Dusri Bar Kare To Jawan Hoga.
Agar Woh Teen Bar Kare To Tufan Hoga.
Agar Woh Chaar Bar Kre To Tera Nuksan Hoga
Aur
Agar Woh Pichhe Se Kare To Pakka Pathan Hoga.
...
Aap ke pas stove ki pin hai ?
Girl - Stove pe khana paka rahe hokya?
Pappu - Nahi, Subah se Muth maarraha hu, par girta hi nahi hai, lagta hai andar kuch fasa hai. ...
Grls hostel ka guard roz daru pineke baad Gali bakta tha..
Mera nam jivanlal, kiski chut me kitne baal ?
Ek ladki sunkar boli: meri chut me itne baal ki phas jayega jivanlal. 3dino tak sunne ke baad..
Jivanlal: goli chalegi fatak se, chut phategi jatak se, jal jayenge sare baal, bach niklega jivanlal !
Ladki: Surakshit kale mere baal vasmol ne kiya kamal.
Bach jayenge mere baal, maa chudaye jivanlal...
In a marriage party of a Nizam's daughter, there's a very gandu shaayar..
He had a famous background of some really gandu shayari.
People were expecting somethingfrom him when suddenly he started
KYA HASEEN FIZA HAI INTAZAM KI...
People - WAH! WAH, IRSHAAD, IRSHAAD !!!!
KYA HASEEN FIZA HAI INTAZAM KI...
CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI NIZAM KI.
People were really shocked and very angry (probably most of them were not like us).
They started...
Ek Ladki ki 5 Crore ki lottery nikli..
Company ne socha achanak bataaya to ladki khushi se mar sakti hai.
Usne Pappu ko ye kaam saunpa kiaise batao ki w o khushi se mar na jaaye.
PAPPU ne ja ke us Ladki ko bola Farz karo koi aapko 5 Crore ka Inaam de to tum kya karogi?
Ladki: Aap ke saamne 'nangi' ho ja aungi..
Aap meri chut me apna lund dalna jitni baar chaho. Mai aapka lund chusungi...Aap...
At Heatthrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system
'Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk'.
Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat , goes red with anger.
He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.
The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups:
Ranchhodbhai: 'Madar Chod ! I amRanchhod....
Receptionist:...
Thought of the Day
Ek pura din shoes aur socks pehno toh
pair gore gore ho jate he
Par sala janam se chaddi pahni lekin
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ustad...!!!
Kala ka kala...!....... ...
Girl watching Titanic
Girl, while watching TITANIC :-
how romentic ♥,
AWWWWWWW,
kya tum iss tarah mujhe payar
kar sakte ho?
?
?
?
Boy: main wo drawing bana
sakta hu......
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? 
The correct answer is : Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator,Put in the elephant,...
We Have discovered
a new English course 
A for apple
B for bada apple
C for chhota apple
D for dusra apple
E for ek aur apple
F for fokat ka apple
G for gol apple
H for hazar apple
I for itney saare apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayenge apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M...